how often do you see your secondary partners?

Ah, whine. We so want a sleepover (gee I sound like my kids ;-)), and had the opportunity Friday night, but kidney stones got in the way. It will happen someday. I have to chuckle though, b/c bf has been single for so long that I think he enjoys sleeping alone even as he very much enjoys cuddling. He also claims I'm a bed and blanket hog ;-).

it's not hogging the blankets...it's your way of inviting him to cuddle when you're asleep :D
 
ksandra said
How much control does your primary have over when/how often you get to see your secondary?

I don't THINK he has as much control as anyone else who goes out to see friends or family. A lot of our time together, or lack of, is due to circumstances like work schedules, kids schedules, etc. similar to what RedPepper and Derby are finding----getting time together with so much else going on CAN be a challenge. Tuesdays just happens to work for us because Breathes works his second job that night which gives me some alone time here at home so spending it with Possibility just makes sense & makes us all feel good about it since it's not taking time from Breathes or my kids. It also gives his other partners time to spend together as well. Oh yeah, it means Possibility & I get to eat some of the stuff the rest of our families don't like, lol, things like tuna.

southerndreams said :
it's not hogging the blankets...it's your way of inviting him to cuddle when you're asleep
.

I like the way you think! I suppose that taking up 9/10ths of the bed is my way of suggesting that Breathes cuddle closer with me :D. I can handle that, lol.

All that said I'm finding that after years and YEARS of serial monogamy I am thoroughly enjoying the peace of mind that being able to have my two bestest friends in my life gives me. I'm also enjoying the freedom that having a non-jealous and non-possessive partner has given me. They genuinely enjoy each other's company as much as I enjoy having each of them in my life and I'm LOVING it!
 
I like the way you think! I suppose that taking up 9/10ths of the bed is my way of suggesting that Breathes cuddle closer with me :D. I can handle that, lol.

All that said I'm finding that after years and YEARS of serial monogamy I am thoroughly enjoying the peace of mind that being able to have my two bestest friends in my life gives me. I'm also enjoying the freedom that having a non-jealous and non-possessive partner has given me. They genuinely enjoy each other's company as much as I enjoy having each of them in my life and I'm LOVING it!

you don't know how close to home you just hit with that last part. I no longer feel the constant manic buzz that I felt with monogamy. I know that D will support me when I have another partner. (I just lost the one I had. good riddance) peace of mind is a wonderful thing
 
you don't know how close to home you just hit with that last part. I no longer feel the constant manic buzz that I felt with monogamy. I know that D will support me when I have another partner. (I just lost the one I had. good riddance) peace of mind is a wonderful thing

Peace of mind IS a wonderful thing :D.

I was talking to Breathes about this yesterday. It's kind of like comparing apples and oranges, really. My last mono relationship (uggggg) was all about him trying to control me. I lost what few friends I had because of his control issues and extreme jealousy. The ones I'm in now don't even compare to that because there is NO element of control or jealousy what so ever! I do have that problem sometimes when Breathes has a new partner or one I don't like but they have absolutely no jealousy concerning me and my partners!

It's so nice to just be able to sit back and relax and enjoy friendships, courtships, relationships of all sorts without having to look over my shoulder to figure out when the ex is going to walk in the door and end yet another friendship!
 
Overnights would be wonderful.
GG and I live in the same house-but my nights are always Maca's.
It would be REALLY nice to be able to wake up one morning having ALREADY gone to sleep in GG's bed.
Instead of having to get up at the crack ass of dawn and switch beds for the rest of my sleep!

BUT-I can't possibly complain-because having all of those little washing the dishes, flipping the laundry, good night stories with the kids, watching movies, raking the lawn, taking out the trash, that come with living together-we have each and every one.
 
Co-housing makes the answer complicated!

I've been living with both of my life partners together for over a year now-- along with a bunch of other people. We cohouse in a townhouse together (sharing rent, utilities, groceries, chores, etc.) My two partners and I see each other daily-- they each have me overnight a few nights a week, and how we spend our days (after work/school/other commitments) is up for grabs.

I'm lucky enough that my girlfriend, my friend with benefits, and my lover-to-be (cheers to a complicated life!) are actually all moving in with us, starting this summer. :D:D:D

Up to this point, my friend with benefits has visited us on weekends and gotten an overnight or two each time. My girlfriend's been in college (graduating next month!) and visiting between semesters for a month or two. My lover-to-be and I have just been getting phone dates-- he's been living a few hours away, and we haven't spent much time together literally in years.

Now, we're actually in the process of revising our schedules-- particularly our sleeping ones, so that our world will still function.

As for a question about primaries getting a say in all of this... Everybody (not just my lovers) got a say on people moving in at all. Scheduling is a collective responsibility.

Living the dream... :D
 
My hubby sees his GF about 3 - 4 times a week, sometimes just briefly for coffee or dinner or something and 1 - 2 of those days are overnight visits.

I see my BF almost everyday, even if only for a few minutes. We both work in the same area so he often swings by my store just to say hello :) I spend 1 - 2 nights per week at his place.

As of May 22nd however, my BF is moving into the suite downstairs so we will see each other alot more often! We've agreed to keep the over night visits reasonable :p It's going to feel like NRE all over again, I'm sure :D

It's definitely 'calming' to be able to have some contact with both of them everyday, even if it's a text or email or phone call.
 
My secondary lives just over 100 miles away, so I don't see her that often (usually for around a week every few months.) But we talk almost everyday, for at least an hour or so!
 
Our relationship is pretty new, our friendship is pretty old. We've all been great friends for 7 years, but in the last three months, it's taken a turn and has entered a Polyarmous relationship. We have all "left" the swinging community, to become exclusive..just the four of us.
We have been averaging every other day in the least. Sometimes it's two days in a row, with one off. Seeing's how we all live next to each other, it has become pretty convienent to get together. :D Candi
 
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