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Old 07-10-2020, 06:26 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 18,700

Hi bunni,

If I have said anything to hurt you, I want to apologize, and just ask, is there anything I can do to make amends. I of course respect your right to leave the forum if that is your decision, but I just want you to know that I for one would consider it a personal loss. I try to always offer support, but I don't always to a good job.

Please hang in there, and don't hurt yourself.
With empathy and respect,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 07-11-2020, 12:16 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,982

Originally Posted by bunni522 View Post
I am coming here while I process some information, and what has been happening with life, and hopefully [to get] some different view points and advice...

...It is a lot. It's been only about a week and a half of talking with her, she is still pretty much a stranger. But I'm here now wondering if in the long-run I would be okay being involved with a woman that is bringing new life into the world.

...It doesn't sound easy, I know it won't be. I worry about Mr. J, because he is not the type of person that would want to live with another man in the household, even if the man is only platonic to us. Perhaps in the long run he might change his mind about it, but I don't count on it, because Mr. J just has this nature about him.

...to be a part of [her pregnancy] from the beginning, I think, would be really beautiful. But at the same time, I don't want to get involved into her pregnancy if I can't see it through. So, despite not wanting to, I HAVE to think of end-goal future. That's hard to do when it's such a new relationship.
It's good to come here to get perspective on a new love style. You can learn from other's mistakes, and not have to make them yourself.

Also, I have not yet told Mr. J. I think I want to understand my initial thoughts on it first.. I already know that he is going to say that this is too much, and I should back out. The reason I say this is because he has already said I need to slow things down with her, and make sure that I know her well before I get too involved.
I am basically echoing Mr J.
I know if I really want to pursue this though, he will give me a lecture (but he will also back me.) He will warn me (but support my decision.) So I want to really just understand, think, get opinions, get experience stories, get advice. Anything I can get right now. Have any of you experienced something like this, and made it work?
Originally Posted by bunni522 View Post
I don't mean to come off as disrespectful to my partners. Or crazy. I have said many times that I know I am looking too far down the line. But as an anxious, sometimes manic person, this is the way that I think. I nitpick and worry about every possible future outcome, because I don't want to get hurt, or hurt people in the process. I am here to learn as I go, just as many people are, so to tell me to calm down is in itself disrespectful as well.

I have said many times that I know I am thinking way too ahead of myself -- no need to keep telling me the same thing and telling me to slow down. My brain will move as fast as it does.
I don't recall where you said "many times" that you are manic and anxious, (maybe on your other thread? I'll check)...and I certainly didn't know that everywhere you go, people tell you to calm down. You did say Mr J will tell you to "slow down" with Dee.

This is the reason I never post [sic] on communities and I feel, essentially, alone in life. Every time I share on an LGBT site or poly site about my feelings and relationships, I always get told to calm tf down. So I might as well take my BS feelings elsewhere and go lie in a ditch.
I am just wondering if you are seeing a medical professional, or if you have just self diagnosed as anxious and (perhaps) bipolor? Because you seemed to have gone from manic to depressed in the course of this thread.
Thank you for the few of you who tried to offer positive advice and read through my all-over-the-place BS. Please continue to do so for others, as your positivity can be the only difference between one side or another to someone that is already on the edge and reaching out to a community as a last resort.
This really isn't a place for someone who is on the edge and coming here as a last resort. It's a place for information about polyamory. We all just offer from our own personal experiences and what we've learned having lived poly for whatever period of time. In my case, I tried polyamory in 1999-2000, and then started it full time in 2008. I've been around the block. Some people do appreciate my experience.

For the people that go on people's posts to tell them they are, essentially, wrong -- just consider that you feel how you feel, the OP feels how they do as well -- no need to bash them further and make them feel stupid for even sharing. Your "bluntness" can look like scrutiny, which nobody comes here to feel. This isn't a place for wrong or right. OR at least, I thought it wasn't. I thought it was for support.

Thanks for the ride, I think I'm done posting personal things anywhere, for anyone, for good! I'll just bottle up my emotions and questions for good, and eventually do myself in. Farewell.
Some people hang around boards or FB groups after they "flounce." Some even come back with more parting words. In case you're still reading, I want to point out that I did not "bash" you, or tell you you are "wrong," nor did I "make you feel stupid." If you're thinking of doing yourself in, please call a hotline. You're a mother.

You asked for advice, several times. You had questions and concerns, and I spent time, as an unpaid volunteer, briefly addressing several of your issues, which are common poly newbie issues. I've been on this board for a decade, and usually my information is well received. Maybe I could sugarcoat things a bit more, sometimes. I am sorry my forthrightness upset you.

I did not know you had issues with mental illness ("mania," anxiety, suicidal ideation). I just saw a person who asked for help, literally for "advice", and I gave you information to support you. Support doesn't mean being a "yes man" and telling you "You go girl!" no matter what red flags I see.

I hope you stick around.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 65)
Pixi (poly, F, 43) my partner since January 2009, cohabiting
"Maestro" (mono, M, 39), Pixi's bf since April 2013, co-primary
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