I know I can't and shouldn't be her liferaft but now that I am to pull out the rug from under her right now or anytime soon would be catastrophic for both me and Alice Louis. She'd spiral into depression, anger, and fear and I don't think there would be anyone who could stop it before it is too late. Yes, this sounds like catastrophizing but I say it because Alice Louis in her bouts of depression has told me similar sentiments and I don't find them entirely false. I can't stop my efforts to help until I know she is in a more stable place than she has been since I was last able to physically be there for her.
That is why you could tell her parents she is in trouble before you bow out. Then they can deal with it. She is their dependent, it is their responsibility. She's got them for a safety net.
Have you considered that YOU being around as a dating partner might be an obstacle to her health stabilization? If she's fretting about other partners "taking you away" and other anxiety with "proving you love her" and whatever? In her mental state, it might just be
more baggage to deal with. You could do the kind thing and bow out. Sometimes that's what love is.
While no break up is FUN, afterward it may end up lightening her stress load some.
Have you considered that might be part of why the parents don't like you? You being around makes more stuff for Alice Louise to fret over when she's
already a fretty person. And dating her behind their backs -- that's not going to make them love it either.
You are over involved in her health care business and you have your OWN mental health care to think about. You are a 19 yr old youth. Could cut yourself a break. You yourself are not fully an adult yet. Starting to be, but not all the way out of the teens yet. You do not
have to shoulder all these burdens right now.
You CAN stop your efforts. You might not like it, but you CAN.
You cannot be following Alice Louise's health stuff like binge watching a Netflix show. You may need to take a healthy step back away from it all for her sake as well as your own.
From
https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2013/06/21/you-cant-do-everything/
"Even professionals are not fully able to prevent suicides. One study found that almost 1 in 5 people who died by suicide had seen a mental health professional within 30 days of their death."
"If mental health professionals and psychiatric hospitals cannot prevent all suicides, then how can friends and family be expected to do so?"
DO be her friend.
DO tell her parents she's getting worse.
STOP being her BF. Tell her you guys can get back together once she is well. And you can!
DO date other people. If you want to move on to poly date now? And are getting kinda fix-y or push-y or projecting things on to Alice Louise because you want her to hurry up so you can move on to poly? Let go of the want to poly together with her right NOW. Poly with others, and she can join your network if she wants later on. It is possibly to poly WITHOUT HER.
I'm glad posting here has helped you gain some perspective and clarify some of your thoughts.
I encourage you to keep thinking and aim for HEALTHY choices for each person. Not making choices to try to pave the way and make it wind up at "me, Alice, and Suzy in a V or triad." That cannot be forced.
Galagirl