Awakening

Hi wildflowers!

Thank you very much. I think your suggestion is great.

I definitely don't want to pigeonhole any one or any relationship into a predetermined box. I have no idea what will happen in the future, so I'm trying to keep my mind (and heart) open to possibilities.

That's one thing I've tried to stress with my wife. It's not that I need her to "jump" in poly with both feet. I just need to know that my life-partner is open to growing and evolving. I don't need to reach a specific destination to be happy, (I am already happy on many fronts,) I just need to know we're making our mutual journey together, with full knowledge and honesty.

Sure, I have my romantic fantasy, but sometimes life gives us something better than the fantasy. Ok, maybe that's a little sappy, but that's how I feel.
 
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"Sometimes life gives us something better than the fantasy."

I don't know whether it's sappy, but I think it's true. :)
 
We haven't talked much about poly the past couple days, except that I thanked my wife for agreeing to my "thought experiment." I told her how much better I felt for taking such a big step.

I don't think either of us knows what comes next, except just getting closer and being attentive.

Then, last night as we were lying in bed, my wife says maybe we could watch a couple episodes of Polyamory (the "reality" show from Showtime?). I know those kinds of shows are sensationalized/over-sexualized, but I'm hoping the situations could raise some interesting points for discussion.

So, I take that as a good step.
 
That sounds like a definite positive step. I'm glad she's taking some initiative to discuss and think with you about something you are curious about. It doesn't mean she will ever want to act on it or want you to act on it, but it is showing that she does consider your desires and you as a person. IMO a very good sign.
 
Timing continues to be an issue I need to deal with. My wife and I are both fairly busy, so we get about two hours a day to spend together. Normally, that's enough, but I feel bad using that time to discuss my poly issues, so I lock it away for a while. A couple days, a week -- as long as I can stand.

I feel that these conversations are something I inflict upon her. And that makes me feel bad about it, so it feeds the cycle. I spend a lot of time wondering if things would be better if I forgot about all this and went back to a life of disguise. Certainly, my wife would be relieved. But that proposition fills me with dread.
 
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"I spend a lot of time wondering if things would be better if I forgot about all this and went back to a life of disguise. Certainly, my wife would be relieved. But that proposition fills me with dread."

It should -- and it should fill her with dread too. Cause you would only end up quietly resenting her. After (x) number of years, it's just bound to happen.

I might not say that if I thought poly was only a moderately big deal to you. But I think poly is a reeeally big deal to you -- as it is to a lot of people. I don't think you can just cast a spell of forgetfulness over yourself. So please, respect yourself and your wife enough to tell her the truth. Even the truth that poly continues to be an earnest dream of yours.

You'll have to use your best judgment on how often to bring it up. Don't wait til you're squeezing blood out of your eyeballs before talking about it. Give yourself a little breathing room.

I think your wife is sincere about wanting to work with you on this, even though it's hard for her too. Small steps. Little steps. That's the key.
 
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