Truth & Consequences

Simple

What a lovely weekend. I’m on a reduced work schedule so it all started on Thursday night, with a visit from an old pal from the big City. We hung out and talked and shared life stories and perspectives, which is so great with an old friend that has known me for 20 years. Having my own place means I can host friends and I am now doing that, spending more time on my friendships. Part of my decompression.

I sent him off in the early morning with a coffee and a bro hug, and got down to cleaning up, laundry, all the little domestic chores that make a home. I am liking the apartment living, so easy to stay on top of things, it’s a far cry from where I was a few years ago when I was adamant I would never live in one. It’s actually pretty great. I guess the radical changes in my life have impacted my perspective in a lot of ways. People who visit me comment on the whole grown-upness of it all. It makes me feel good to have landed on my feet after so much badness. I have the solid security to rebuild my life, and I’m doing it.

Chiquita was due for a visit in the early afternoon, which was a change for us. We txt each other of our growing anticipation as I work away the day, prepping and preparing for a lovers visit. Is there anything more delicious? She arrives and we are immediately falling into each other, in the elevator lol. We have a lovely day planned of beach, sun, sex and food. We melt into the sand by the lake and look forward to devouring each other completely, laughing away the hours with a cold beer and the best colitas. Paradise. We stay up late and get up early to get all the loving in, and I prepare a monster breakfast which we voraciously devour before its time to say good bye again. Such simple pleasures, we don’t try and make each other out to be anyone that we are not. Being in the moment, connecting where we can. It’s a good fit.

I’m an exhausted mess after she leaves, sated and happy. Lazy Saturday, I take Tomo for a long walk at the river, watching him chase rabbits and squirrels and splash along the shallows with a delirious look on his face. I’m so happy to have his dogness in my life, he has taught me so much about myself, about the simpler things. He slows me down and helps me be in the moment, makes me laugh. I love looking after him, he is my true life partner lol. Until death do we part Tomo.

Got a quick Invite to a bbq with some local friends, so I’m going with it. Rediscovering my spontaneity. We laugh and have a few drinks, seeing folks that I haven’t seen in a long time, filling them in on my story so far, receiving hugs and knowing looks. Making plans for hikes, game nights, and future fun. Again feels good to enjoy the simple company of friends old and new. I can feel my heart lightening after so much darkness. Definitely a step forward again.

Sundays all about a lazy start, a walk and a workout, then off to the city to see my parents and go to a music festival at a park in my old stomping grounds. First to my folks, I work with my Dad to organise my shop tools for eventual sale. Since I lost my shop I see no future for this equipment, and probably it’s time to let it go. It will represent a loss of value in my life, but like so many lessons in my life recently, its only stuff and money and has no real value beyond that. I have come to a realization that life is one long debt management, and I can’t take it with me. It will feel good to unburden myself of the heavy weight of things that I had no control over. These tools represent a time in my life that has passed. It’s time to move on. It’s good to reconnect with my Dad again, to work with him, he’s getting older and frailer. I can see that life weariness in his eyes, the way he moves. I want to spend more time with him in the future, and Mum. They are the only family I have now, and I want to make it count for something. Walking Tomo in the woods I use to play in as a child I am flooded with memories, and realise what a good life they gave me, the best they could. I want to honour that.

To cap it all off I spent some time in a local park where I spent many years working on a community art/social justice music festival. The site has been revived and now another musical / community event has sprung up. I met up with one of my best bud from those times and we hung out reminiscing about all the good and bad times. I few festival goers recognised us and it was a day of happy reunions. Sitting in the shade, listening to tunes and speakers and enjoying the cool breeze off the water it was a perfect day, a wonderful weekend. Tired and happy I bundle my pup into my truck and say goodbye and drive off into the sunset. Back to our safe and cozy abode to collapse in a happy pile in bed. I am finally coming into my own again, back from the hell of the past couple of years. I can feel myself getting stronger, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Simple.
 
this is the end

I feel like I have come to the end of this blog. I feel so less inclined to share my story after being censored and being told what I can and can’t write about here. Everything is so interconnected I can’t faithfully tell my story without going back to my marriage and previous relationship for examples and lessons. It doesn’t need to be dramatic or hurtful, more like insightful and hopeful, but with the axe hanging over my head I am more inclined just to say “fuck it”. I’m also not interested to continue to go over the details of my dating life, who I love, when, where etc. What’s the point? I feel like I have largely accomplished what I needed to do with this blog, and that is tell my side of truth, and the consequences as such. To document what happened in the breakdown of my relationship. It started off as a counter to another blog, which funny enough disappeared as soon as I started writing, and became a healthy outlay for my tangled and hurt emotions. I have done a lot of healing through these posts and knowing that people have read it. I feel at peace with the fact I did not suffer in silence.

I occasionally read the other blogs, and posts in the other categories, but rarely post anything. I see the same shit happening over and over and over… I don’t feel like I have anything to add to the discussion, except the next few paragraphs. Keep in mind these are just my opinions, right or wrong.

Married couples opening your relationship. Keep it just about sex unless you want to delve into the emotional shit storm detailed in these pages. Treat people fairly. Have good boundaries. Communicate and actively listen to your partner. Be compassionate. More often than not people open their marriages because something is missing. Maybe try it from a position of strength instead of weakness. Practice non attachment and keep your emotions in check. People in dysfunctional alternative lifestyles? It’s probably going to be more of the same. Check yourself before you wreck yourself or your life. I lost my best friend and life partner over a fucking text message. Seems small but that is the preverbal straw that broke the camel’s back. It started a chain of events that has created such bad blood I doubt we will ever speak again and that is the biggest fucking shame in my life. Ever.

Don’t be greedy. Have compassion. Take it slow. Love each other. Find compersion. Laugh off the small shit. Respect each other’s shortcomings. See others points of view. Be graceful. It is so easy to slip into that righteous place and want to be right all the time, even when we are wrong. Know the difference between the two. Don’t be afraid to forgive, but never forget.
Some stories have a lifespan. Some burn bright for a short time, others smoulder for a very long time. Try and be happy with what you have, the grass isn’t always greener. It’s just different. Some people just aren’t meant to be together, and no amount of “love” can heal that fundamental difference. In my eyes it is not a failing of any one person, it is just the nature. To fight against this just makes things worse, and worse, and….

I hope people have gotten something out of this blog, if only entertainment lol. It’s now going to fade into the back pages to be forgotten with the rest of the stories, and its time. Time to lay this part of my life to rest, and look forward to making my life with those that I chose to love and live with as best I can, for better and worse, until this life leaves me. Represent.
 
Back
Top