As always, Magdlyn, thanks for your kind words. WI was on a trip... And no, it's just way more complicated as to whether she's broken up with WI, as well.
Because, in a way, she's broken up with us, and not broken up with us. We're in a place where each of us can be intimate, but we're not the triad we were, and we're simply being deep, meaningful friends with someone in a space of crisis and unable to continue the relationship we've had - not because of us, not because of the relationship, but because of herself.
It's hard to go through this, of course. But after the awful space of the early weekend, it's been a lot of talk to figure out what is and is not my responsibility. Sure, I've been imperfect and all, but the space really is owned by AM, and her specific needs. It's not just the divorce for her. There's just so much going on all at once. We lived in a bubble for too long, and now it's all coming out at once.
Will we ever return to a triad? Doubt it. Will we survive this space as friends? Maybe. Will we help her as we can, because we love her, as she's in this space? Definitely. But it's a hard space for us.
The "opened marriage" space remains, in a way. I don't write about her much, but there's still EL in my life. We, as always, see little of each other, but are more flirty in the past 2 months than we've been in years. (Why? we have no clue, but relationships can be like that, right?) She's helping me with her insights into AM, and she and WI have talked a little. That relationship is safe in a way that it never was. We are opened up, if not attached to someone else, nor seeking anyone else. (I have never sought anyone else; I don't know how to date, and neither does WI!) So we are open, supportive, and strong with each other.
Actually, that space is worth commenting on. WI recognized how much it hurt her (not just me) that she tried to create an isolated bubble with AM. She doesn't want that anymore. What I have found fascinating is that my response has been to be more supportive of her spending time with AM. How can that be? But it's what I feel - as soon as I feel safe and secure, I don't mind their time together. Then again, AM is in a lousy place, so it's not like either of us is spending much time with her.
I'm sad about that. The old relationship is dead, and grieving takes time. But there's also a real relationship right now, where AM wants to be held, and that is what we have now. Later, we will have something different. Right now, this is what she wants and can do, and this is what we have.