stories in extended triad land

and with a deep breath...

It's been a few months since I was an active member of the forum, mostly because I needed a break from the rather traumatic realm in which I was living.

A lot has happened in the past few months.

I suppose the big deal would be to say that we're in an open marriage now, not seeking but open to what happens if something finds us. We had a relationship with Amy, together, and it failed miserably because of the person that Amy was, how that affected the dynamic of our marriage, and much more. We all tried really hard; it didn't work. So be it. Maybe we can find peace with each other someday.

My wife, Willa, has come to a deep acceptance that yes, she does actually want a girlfriend. It's pretty amazing to see this change in her, truly owning this emotion and decision, and I get it. I really get it, and I really support her. In our past, I've been the poly one, she's been the hurt one, and now she's owning her own desires, plus supporting me in mine. It's amazing. God, I hope she finds the girlfriend that touches her soul. It's reassuring that she tells me I'm all the guy that she needs - also, I've been listening to her for decades, pining for the girlfriend she's never had. Maybe now, with her owning her own self so deeply, she'll be more open to finding it. That would be great. I don't know why it makes me so happy to think about, but her finding that girlfriend would be totally gorgeous.

I'm in a space of trying to find peace with Amy. Since we work together, I see her regularly, and what I see is constantly the best of who she is. She says the same about me. Compassion, a focus on people, a nearly identical sense of community and engagement. We started something to reconcile our pasts, same events and different stories for each of us, and it was deeply emotional. Yes, she's a volatile basketcase, but obviously when it's good it's good, right?

In no way are we assuming we'll find the same person, ever again. Willa falling for Amy actually caused all sorts of problems for us. I don't think it will ever happen again. That makes me sad, because it was an amazing feeling to be in love with two people and see each of them so HAPPY with the other person. I would hope to experience that sense of attention, compersion, and emotion again. But it'll never happen, so there you go. Time to move on.

I was going to post this in the poly relationships corner, and realized that it wasn't a question or anything. Just a sense of moving on. A blog entry. This blog is about a triad, and that's the past. I suppose I'll keep writing about Amy, here, but that requires me being an active member here again. We'll see. If something new happens, it'll be time for a new blog.
 
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