Triple Income Family

DayStar

New member
I've always liked women. During my 20 year marriage most of my friends were female. When my wife was too busy she would say to 'go out with one of your friends'. I would and there was never any sex but lots of good times.
Now, I'm not married and I can choose my next kind of relationship. I guess my question is: How do I find two like minded women to share lives with? I think my heart is big enough to share and that Love is like fire, the more fuel that's put in the bigger the flames.
I'm not looking at this from just a sexual side (though I love sex). I also see it as a pooling of resources. Resources like knowledge, experience, labor, and a pooling of financial security.
I have small farm in a small town in the Inland North West. Garden, sheep, chickens, orchard, bees...and I want more than one person to share it with. I like the idea of intentional community and I like the idea of intentional family. I just don't know how to start. Are there coupled women out there that want a committed relationship with a man? I'm not interested in experimenting with a lot of different women. I did that before marriage. I'd really like to be a family again. This time different. Extended.
Are there any good examples of this?
 
Hi and welcome!

Do a tag search on 'unicorns' and 'triads'. Unicorn most often refers to a bisexual single woman who is willing to form a triad with a male-female-couple, but they come in all shapes and sizes.
 
US

I'm in the US. Most people think of the coast of Oregon or Washington when I say Northwest. Some of us live inland. Rivers, mountains, fertile soil..
 
My experience is that the best way to meet "the right people" is simply to open yourself up to meeting more people.
 
Wanna meet someone? Stop looking. =P Seriously. People come into my life when I'm least expecting it. No need to waste your time "searching".
 
Announcing to the Universe

In "Illusions" there's the example of the Blue Feather. You see them everywhere once you've announced what you're looking for. A thought is just that until you share it with someone. I'm just pronouncing my thoughts here where I think it can be accepted.
 
I just don't know how to start. Are there coupled women out there that want a committed relationship with a man? I'm not interested in experimenting with a lot of different women. I did that before marriage. I'd really like to be a family again. This time different. Extended.
Are there any good examples of this?
There are many examples of functioning poly "family" "tribes" whatever they call themselves on this forum, it has been suggested you do a search... good idea! Loving Radiance and I are but two.... many others!

When I am looking for a need to fulfill I start creating it by getting out there and opening the door to others. I created a women's group out of a need to be with other women to talk about our relationships...now 50 women are members and we meet once a month. Others in my community had a need to discuss the basics of poly... so they started inviting people to do so. The meetings have created a whole community that networks together. A lot of love has been shared because of is. Again, I wanted to go camping with poly people in my community... this year it has turned into a two week poly camp (that I am doing workshops at) where everyone is invited. That came out of a camping trip last year.

You can create whatever you want in this life... with the spirit of taking care to not create something that is a detriment to others, to vow to have integrity and respect and be honest and open to others and everything they bring, you seriously can do anything.... mumma was right ;)
 
"UNICORNS" aren't as rare as people think. It seems you're getting on in years, so if I was you I would target women that are raising kids by themselves. They are very interested in financial and parenting support and are more willing to overlook other things like "non monogamy".
 
"They are very interested in financial and parenting support and are more willing to overlook other things like "non monogamy".

As a single mother, I pride myself on being completely financially independant...and also of being capable of providing quality parental care at all times.

If I were approached by someone who came to the table with some $$$ and an attitude of "let me help you take care of the kids"....I'd be pretty insulted, truth be told.

And single parents are completely capable of choosing non-monogamy...rather than it being something to be "overlooked"...
We're not sad sacks waiting at home for knights in shining armour to come save us - We're just as likely to be business women/men with full, rich, happy and complex lives...

Deep breathing required here !

That's a big generalisation that many single mothers and single parents would find insulting.
 
That's a big generalisation that many single mothers and single parents would find insulting.

Isn't this a big generalization itself? Speaking for many single parents now are we? Not that I mind generalizations but if you're going to criticize someone for making them... ;)

The reality is this, in the modern world finances are required to live. If you can't properly support yourself financially due to a variety of reasons having someone that will support you and love you is an excellent reason to be with someone. In fact, one may argue it's better than someone who will only love you and not give you any money.

Just because you may find it abhorrent for people to be financially dependent on others doesn't mean it's wrong to be that way. Mothers that found someone who could take care of them financially would be able to spend more time raising their kids instead of working to provide the basics to their kids. And I think most people would agree that the more time parents can be around for their children the better.
 
Isn't this a big generalization itself? Speaking for many single parents now are we? Not that I mind generalizations but if you're going to criticize someone for making them... ;)

The reality is this, in the modern world finances are required to live. If you can't properly support yourself financially due to a variety of reasons having someone that will support you and love you is an excellent reason to be with someone. In fact, one may argue it's better than someone who will only love you and not give you any money.

Just because you may find it abhorrent for people to be financially dependent on others doesn't mean it's wrong to be that way. Mothers that found someone who could take care of them financially would be able to spend more time raising their kids instead of working to provide the basics to their kids. And I think most people would agree that the more time parents can be around for their children the better.


Sure - I'll rephrase...

I'm a single mother, I find it insulting.

Of the single mothers that I know, those wonderful strong women who are raising gorgeous, well adjusted children and also managing rewarding careers as doctors, nurses, teachers, baristas and accountants...All of them would feel insulted.

I have more time with my child that many double income families...When he's at school...I'm at work..When he's at home, I'm at home.

I just want to point out it is possible to have the time & energy & resources to do it all well. It's not impossible. It's entirely possible that mothers can work to provide the basics whilst still being able to have enough time and energy to give to their kids..
And in no way do I find it abhorrent that people may be financially dependant - It's just simply not for me as it limits the choices I can make..

My main point was that targeting single mothers on the assumption they are looking for finances and someone to help with the kids could backfire reasonably often. Plenty of single mothers have that stuff worked out ok on their own ! And Happily so :)

Sorry for the thread hijack..
 
Bella, what I found insulting was Preciselove's advice to "target" a woman. Like trying to win a prize at a carnival or something. I thought about taking the bait, decided not to, and then saw that he got you. Oh well! Let's not let one poster's sexism take the thread off-topic -- PL often hijacks others' threads to say things like that, sooner or later someone's rankled by it, and then there's a debate <sigh> ...

DayStar, a number of things came to my mind when I read your post. I think, on one hand, you would do well try not to get too caught up in finding the perfect "two women" who will fit into place in your desired scenario. On the other hand, sure, with people who are already poly, it could be easier to find two than one. BUT when you have a pre-conceived notion of what you want, sometimes you can miss other good opportunities that would make you happy as well. You may need to establish a relationship with one person before you add another. Especially since you've mostly been monogamous - maybe easing into poly is a good idea.

Since you live on a farm in a small town, I'm not sure what kind of socializing you can do, but there is online dating (OKCupid is good for poly people) and Meetup.com to find other like-minded folks. If you're into intentional communities, why not visit one and see what it's like? You can see if there are any near you here: Intentional Communities Directory. Good luck!
 
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I have more time with my child that many double income families...When he's at school...I'm at work..When he's at home, I'm at home.

Yes but house work still needs to get done, and when you come home from work you're not tired? If you're not tired I guess you have a job which isn't very taxing, I don't know how many people as a percentage can say such things about their job.

I just want to point out it is possible to have the time & energy & resources to do it all well. It's not impossible. It's entirely possible that mothers can work to provide the basics whilst still being able to have enough time and energy to give to their kids..
And in no way do I find it abhorrent that people may be financially dependant - It's just simply not for me as it limits the choices I can make..

Sure it's not impossible to be a single parent, I never stated such a thing, and needing to point it out sounds like you are a bit insecure or touchy about it? It's simply easier if you don't have to work whilst raising children and better for your children in most cases (not all) as it means the parent can service their needs better. Your child isn't learning from you while you're at work, he's learning from other people.

My main point was that targeting single mothers on the assumption they are looking for finances and someone to help with the kids could backfire reasonably often. Plenty of single mothers have that stuff worked out ok on their own ! And Happily so :)

Plenty of single mothers/parents also desperately want more help in their lives. Do you believe otherwise? People that are in desperate need of something are more willing to compromise non essential things in their life, such as monogamy.

Most people aren't born monogamous, they are taught to be it, to change such deep rooted things isn't easy for most people. The other benefit about targeting single mothers is they already have a family, which is what the poster seems to want.
 
I can't see value in continuing this discussion in this thread...seems unreasonable to the original poster.

DS - I wish you luck in your search for and your creation of your own definition of family :)
 
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