Reverie
Active member
It rather does sound like a recipe for breaking people's hearts.
I wouldn't want to tell somebody else how to go about their lives either but I suspect I would run a mile from somebody as careless with the mental health of others as Rider seems to be.
The thing is that he isn't purposefully callous—in fact, exactly the opposite. He feels things and clicks with people and responds to people from a very genuine place, and this is what draws them in. He gets sentimental and lovey and affectionate toward people very easily. But it does not translate to "in love" as easily. But he tends toward being oblivious, and perhaps wishfully thinking that everyone else can separate romantic/sexual friendship from madly-in-love the same way that he can.
I dunno. Maybe it is also callous of me to kind of shed responsibility for any of this as long as I am getting my needs met. I try to operate under the tenet that everyone involved is an adult and that exactly the same thing would be happening if I weren't at all involved, and so all I can do is look out for whether I am getting my OWN needs met and whether I am responding to my partners' needs. What they do with their other partners, insomuch as it does not affect me, is not really my business. This is a new development, but it is one that has lent me more peace than my previous model.
I am really angry with N for suggesting to L - in front of me - that they should switch nights, aka switch who shared my bed. It was even just an hour before we were all going to sleep. While there was rationale for the suggestion, the request I made long time ago is that we never switch nights, or at least if we are going to, we will talk about it forhand. I hate it being as last minute debate. And I never ask them to switch nights.
We ended up not switching but I still feel bad about it
it, it makes me feel like a toy and something the boys can be polite to each other about, like a piece of chocolate they are offering to give each other.
I can understand this viewpoint totally, and it seems like a reasonable thing to expect to discuss changes with your actual partner, rather than having it handled between two partners without your input. I wouldn't take kindly to this either, I don't think.
I am also an introvert and have my own needs for space and being away from people - but bed-sharing is not an issue with me. Letting people into my house is a way bigger hurdle for me. Where they sleep is not even on my radar.
Yeah, for me, personally (perhaps because I also have a roommate, who occasionally has her own guests), my line is pretty much drawn at the door to my room, not to my apartment. I would let an army of acquaintances camp out in the living room, as long as I could retreat to my bed with my chosen one/few. I have a (very) small number of people who get "total hall passes" to be with me no matter what: Rider, Oona, Moss, and Jake. Sam is almost in there, but he's still on the borderline sometimes. Kelly's not quite there yet. In my apartment? Sure. In my hotel room with my offer? Sure. Expecting access to my bed, carte blanche? Yeah, not quite there yet. Eventually, maybe, but I've been hanging out with her for less than a year and this stuff takes TIME for me.
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