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  #21  
Old 05-18-2018, 12:00 AM
Remmi Remmi is offline
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Kevin,
I did not take your words as harsh. I asked for advice. You are genuinely giving yours. I cannot be upset for you giving what i asked for now can i? Ultimately i have to decide what direction i am gonna go and why.

This board has been a place to vent, to cry, to seek solace and understanding and in all that you all have done so. I appreciate ecery reply.
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  #22  
Old 05-18-2018, 08:35 PM
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Thanks for your understanding.
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  #23  
Old 07-27-2018, 12:55 AM
Remmi Remmi is offline
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I promised updates:

Donít know how to start this so I will dive in again...

On the baby front, the mother has decided to keep it and there are some fairly serious concerns as to paternity. Within a few weeks of typing my first post her ob/gyn called to say she had teated positive for chlamidya. After that their relationship deteriorated and it was decided they worked best as friends so it came down to a choice as far as they were concerned of who would get custody. With her deciding to keep her child he has washed his hands of it. Thatís the clinical bare bones version.

On our front, we have been fighting for a long while now. It would get better and get worse but it hadnít stopped. He started a relationship with another woman and has broken up with me. He does not want a relationship or a friendship. He has chosen to seek happiness with this woman and does seem happier for it. I am concerned that this is NRE and that she will end up hurt at the end of it but it is no longer my place to put my nose in his affairs.

He has offered that if we can keep the bills paid and dogs well taken care of until tax return time, he will leave us the house, appliances, and furnishings, and move out permanently. Itís not a happy situation but it would allow me to not have to uproot a mildly autistic daughter who doesnít deal well with change and is already reeling from the fact that her stepfather is no longer her daddy.

So that is where we stand. Before any ask. I do not know how I feel. I am mostly numb and apprehensive about being on my own. I mourn the loss of the relationship and seem to alternate between sadness and numbness. I am putting on a happy face for my girl. She needs to know it will all be ok.

Again I thank you all for your support. This was my first poly relationship and I may have failed at it in many ways but have learned a lot as well.
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  #24  
Old 07-27-2018, 07:05 PM
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Thanks for keeping us updated. I'm very sorry to hear that your SO (Red) broke up with you. It sounds like he is rather back-and-forth about what he wants, but like you said I guess that's not really your problem now. Right now, just worry about yourself, your daughter, and your dogs. Will your friend (Faith) be staying with you? Maybe she can help.
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  #25  
Old 07-27-2018, 08:02 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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I'm not sure I understood all that. Let me repeat back in my own words and you correct me if I get it wrong, ok?
  • Meg's pregnancy turned out to have some concerns about paternity and if Red really is the father. AND... she has tested positive for chlamydia.
  • Meg and Red broke up and decided to be friends. Meg is choosing to keep custody of the pending baby, so Red has washed his hands of it.
  • You and Red have also been rocky. He ended up breaking up with you. He does not want to be good exes and friends. He just wants to be broken up. He's focussing on a new woman he's seeing.
  • You are worried this is NRE stuff and the new woman is eventually going to be hurt by Red, but it isn't your problem and no longer your concern what Red is doing.
  • The current plan is that you, your kid, (and Faith?) pay the bills and the dogs maintained til tax time. Then he will move out and leave you, your kid, (and Faith?) the house, appliances, furniture, etc.
  • Not ideal for you, but you can live with it so it is less for autistic daughter to have to adjust to. She's sad Red (who's been like a stepdad) is leaving. You are also sad/numb, but trying to keep a good face for your kid.

If that is the case?

Then I'm sad for you that this all blew up like this. I hope things are peaceful enough as you continue to untangle, and hopefully after Red moves out you can feel a bit better about starting fresh again. It's ok to feel sad/loss/grief/numbness right now. You've been through SO much!

hugs
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-27-2018 at 08:16 PM.
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  #26  
Old 07-27-2018, 08:54 PM
Remmi Remmi is offline
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Mostly correct. Faith has and will continue to live apart. Meg is my roommate and will be staying. I canít afford this place without her and with Red gone we get along amiably enough. Thank you for the support. Itís gonna be a rough adjustment but i am making it day by day, hour by hour and eventually i will be ok. I have said it to most of my friends at one time or another ďit may not be ok today, tomorrow, or even next week but it will be okĒ. I know tgis is true. Itís just not ok today.
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  #27  
Old 07-27-2018, 10:06 PM
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Rats, I forgot that Faith didn't live with you. You'll have to excuse me, my memory isn't the greatest. And somehow I got it into my mind that Meg had moved out, sorry about that.

It's hard enough to go through a breakup with Red, but twice as hard when he still lives in the same house with you. I can't imagine what a struggle that has to be every day. Is he still dating Faith? That could make things even more difficult.
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  #28  
Old 07-28-2018, 03:01 AM
Remmi Remmi is offline
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As far as I know he and Faith are still going strong and more and more he is not here. His new girlfriend is in another town so he has been over there for over a week now. May be back here in another 3-4 days but donít know for certain.
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  #29  
Old 07-29-2018, 09:37 PM
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Well not knowing can be its own kind of anguish. At least he is not around as much/often, that helps a little.
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  #30  
Old 07-30-2018, 01:30 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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For some reason I got the two mixed up. That Meg was living elsewhere and Faith was living with you. My apologies.

I can only imagine how challenging it must be. I hope things get better in time.

Galagirl
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