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Old 09-05-2010, 05:42 AM
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TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
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Location: Lakewood, WA
Posts: 66
Default I don't want to do this alone anymore.

Hello everyone. I am here today because I am in some pain, and have had a lot of anger lately. But let me start from the beginning. I hope you don't mind me really opening up here.
A bit over 7 years ago when my husband and I were getting to know each other and he brought up the idea of a relationship, I told him no because I couldn't be monogamous. He said that was okay and he would just have to share. Share he did. When we got married it was with the agreement that it would remain open. (We were young, me 19, him 21.) My husband was in the army then, and has since become a civilian contractor for the army. He has spent half of our marriage overseas. During his first deployment I met a man who I developed feelings for. It was the first time that had happened since I had been with my husband. It was pretty easy for the relationship to adapt to being open any polyamorous. It went great, and after a bit over a year we broke up and remain very good friends. After that I met someone new and started spending a lot of time with this new guy. I fell in love so hard, so deeply... we have a strange "get out of my head" kind of connection. (For example, one evening he called me while he was camping. The call was fuzzy and neither of us had much to say. I had previously told him I loved him, but he had never said it back, in fact, he told me that he couldn't fall in love with me because I was married.... But that night after we got off the phone and I took a bath I had a sudden memory of him telling me he loved me, but I could not at all remember how I responded or reacted. The next time I saw him he told me he loved me. I asked him later if he had told me on the phone that night and he said "No, but I was thinking it really hard." .. We also often say or think the same things at the same time. It's always been that way. When we were first dating each other I felt like he was me and he felt like he was dating himself. Our connection is strong and unique.) After about a year, he moved in with my husband and me. They are great friends and my boyfriend cares very much for my husband's feelings.
So, this open relationship my husband and I had evolved into a polyamorous relationship. My husband of nearly 7 years has never had another girlfriend, although he has had a couple romantic experiences. He is shy, too intelligent and technical for his own good at times, and has a very strange sense of humor that I think turns a lot of people off. My boyfriend of about 3 and a half years has had a couple romantic interests but nothing that ever got anywhere near serious. Our goal is to find a woman who I can be good friends with, who will like my boyfriend and my husband romantically. I guess we never really discussed the rules that deeply, but we always understood that we liked the same kind of people.
Last week my boyfriend got in contact with a former co-worker who he had a crush on. It turns out she is getting a divorce and also had a crush on him. He made a date with her for Wednesday (week and a half ago). I have had a crush on his best friend for a while, but was always under the impression that my boyfriend would be jealous if I went for one of his friends. We talked about that and he encouraged me to go for him. So I went out with his friend that night. We both had sex that night, and when she was gone and I returned home, my boyfriend and I stayed up late talking and being happy. There were no hurt feelings that night, none at all. (Just confirmed again, there were none.) Everything was good. There was talk that this girl might be the right girl for us. That idea excited me. I want my men to have another woman in their lives, like I have them. The next day my boyfriend called me up from work and told me that this girl had just gotten kicked out of her mom's house, where she was staying since the separation, and he asked if she could stay with us for a couple days. I said yes, anything she needs. I am generally a very accepting, loving, giving person. ...This is where the problems started.

I started to type it out, got about half way through and realized it's just way too long for an introduction, (I was up to 86 lines)... So I will save that, finish it, and post it later. It is why I came here, though. We have been doing this all on our own without any advice or support from people who've been there or anyone to talk to who truly understands. All in all, we are all hurting from our attempt to add another woman when none of us really knew the boundaries and weren't prepared.

So, aside from that, my name is Teela and I am 26 years old. My husband is Jon, 28, and my boyfriend is Korre, 27. We live together in western Washington state and have no children (but 2 cats). No plans for children, either.
I hope to get to know everyone, and hope this can become a place I can come for support.
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Old 09-05-2010, 06:07 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,047

Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
I hope you don't mind me really opening up here.
That's what it's here for....welcome to the Forum Teela.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
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Old 09-05-2010, 06:26 AM
TeJoKo's Avatar
TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lakewood, WA
Posts: 66

Thank you
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Old 09-07-2010, 04:47 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,076


Yes, 26 is young! To me anyway, I'm 54 with 20-something kids. Altho I feel young now, since I separated from my husband 2 yrs ago and started dating. I feel in some ways like the 22 yr old that married him way back in the 70s! LOL

I see from your other thread that Korre and Amber are stepping back from their intense involvement. Good luck negotiating all of it!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my partner since January 2009, living together full time 6 years
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
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Old 09-08-2010, 07:01 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Welcome to the forums ...it is a good place to meet people and come for support
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