Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Fresh Start

Our family has found a house big enough for all of us to live and not be on top of each other. I am very excited about this. There are enough rooms for hubby and M to have a room, hubby and me to have a room, J and me to have a room, and all 4 kids get their own rooms, too!!

I am not so delusional to think life will be a dream come true from here on out, but I think it will help out a lot to have more space.

Things have been going pretty well around our house. Hubby is working. J is taking care of the house and kids. Hopefully, J will find a job too, and we will all have jobs.

Hubby and I have actually gotten a lot closer the last month or so. I have learned to let go of him a little, and that has made things a lot nicer at home. I'm sure my need to talk to him and be with him as much as possible is a little irritating, but I have tried really hard to let go, as much as I can, for now. I am trying to let go because I feel like the problems we do have are based around the fact that I hold on too tight. I want hubby and M to be as happy as possible. I am tired of being a burden on them or an obligation. I am not asking for "my night" anymore. If they let me have one, I will take it. I just want to focus on J and me. I hope it makes everyone's lives easier.

I LOVE my family, each and everyone one of them!! I cannot wait to get into our new house and get into a routine that works for all of us. I can't imagine life without M or J. I have never loved another female (non-sexually, of course) as much as I love M. She is an amazing person and makes hubby so unbelievably happy.
 
And so the Xmas season begins! Today we will be going over to decorate a tree with Redpepper's hubby's mom and stepdad. This will be the second year in a row and is a reminder of just how supportive they have been to our family. :)

Between Xmas and New Years we will head over to RP's parents' vacation cottage to spend time with her entire family, including her brother and his partner. There are always interesting discussions and a true sense of bonding when we do these things, I believe.

I don't write much stuff on here anymore, and I think I know why. Every little step was a huge triumph to get to this point. Now we are just simply living it, and the fact that out family dynamic is a little different has become transparent. We're just family :)
 
Continuing to learn :)

Last night, PN, LB and Redpepper's parents and I went to watch her sing in her choir at a local theatre. It was a great show and the entire family was very proud of our beloved Redpepper. :)

Afterwards, PN went dancing with friends and Redpepper headed off to a "poly" party with Derbylicious and her hubby. I call it a "poly" party because it included people from the local community. I stayed home and had a quiet night to myself, watching over my little buddy.

Having a partner who is independent can certainly relieve the pressure of having to do things as a couple. The idea that she was with Derby also helps take away a sense of obligation for me to attend, as well. I think it is important to remind myself that we are often in two different streams of social comfort. I enjoy hanging out with both but I think it is still better to step back from the poly social scene and give RP that space to have fun without me around or worrying that I am going to smack someone upside the head for flirting with her. ;) And why the hell wouldn't they? She's a sexy lady!

It's interesting to notice that after almost three years, I still don't feel a true part of either social circle. Luckily, I am very comfortable in the space between, as I enjoy solitude and keeping most people at a distance.

Learning is success, and so is acceptance! Lots of things going on internally, rethinking boundaries, rethinking what parts of traditional "commitment" I am holding onto, and wondering what the future holds. What's next?? No doubt there will be plenty of love for RP and family. :)
 
It's interesting to know that after almost thre years I still don't feel a true part of either social circle. Luckily, I am very comfortable in the space between, as I enjoy solitude and keeping most people at a distance.

I tried for years to fit in with my husband's social circles and always felt like a bit of an outsider. One day I had a revelation-- I, personally, would not choose any of these people as my friends, so why am I making myself miserable trying to push myself into a close friendships with them? I instead went out to find people I shared interests with, and was amazed at how much happier I became. So, now he has his circle of friends and I have mine. Even going to parties and other events with his group of friends is much more relaxed, because I can enjoy these people as his friends instead of trying to make myself fit in.
 
I tried for years to fit in with my husbands social circles and always felt like a bit of an outsider. One day I had a revelation, I personally would not choose any of these people as my friends, so why am I making my self miserable trying to push myself into a close friendships with them? I instead went out to find people I share interests with and was amazed at how much happier I became. So now he has his circle of friends and I have mine. Even going to parties and other events with his group of friends is much more relaxed, because I can enjoy these people as his friends instead of trying to make myself fit in.

This is interesting. As of now I have my family, my friends from work/school, Husband's friends, and boyfriend's friends. I love all of them, but they are all seperate. Social circles are complicated at times.
 
Burlesque loving :)

Wow, what a night of great shows, friends, family, metamours and sexy confident women!

Last night Redpepper had a Xmas burlesque show and she rocked, as per usual. :)

Her husband, PN, was there, along with Derby and her husband, me, and several good friends, to show our support and just have a good time together.

One of the other performers asked RP who we all were and I'm sure she was a little surprised to find out that three of us were her partners and her girlfriend's husband was also there. LOL!

We are a very comfortable group to witness, from anyone's perspective, and I can honestly say, with confidence, that we all care for and respect each other. You can feel the extended consideration among us, and that is the key to our success. :)
 
One of the other performers asked RP who we all were and I'm sure was a little surprised to find out that three of us were her partners and her girlfriends husband was also there LOL!

We are a very comfortable group to witness by anyone's perspective and I can honestly say, with confidence, that we all care for and respect each other. You can feel the extended consideration among us...and that is the key to our success:)

I love this. Thank you for sharing. :)
 
Beating the odds

4 months ago my husband and I met a wonderful woman and developed a wonderful relationship with her. It has been a struggle and a blessing all wrapped in one whirlwind of self discovery and love. We have been playing 'house' for the last 2 weeks and it feels like we have never been apart. I and my husband are so totally in love with our 3rd and its so wonderful to have her in our life. I have never been so loved. Our kids love her too and she loves all of us. We had reservations about all living together, thinking we would all need more alone time or individual relationship time but it hasn't worked out like that. We put together two double sized beds and it has been bliss since the first night. I cant imagine life being different.

So to all the nay sayers in the begining...I am so glad to prove you wrong. Its great for the Poly community and great for us. Poly love to you all.
 
4 months ago my husband and I met a wonderful woman and developed a wonderful relationship with her. It has been a struggle and a blessing all wrapped in one whirlwind of self discovery and love. We have been playing 'house' for the last 2 weeks and it feels like we have never been apart. I and my husband are so totally in love with our 3rd and its so wonderful to have her in our life. I have never been so loved. Our kids love her too and she loves all of us. We had reservations about all living together, thinking we would all need more alone time or individual relationship time but it hasn't worked out like that. We put together two double sized beds and it has been bliss since the first night. I cant imagine life being different.

So to all the nay sayers in the begining...I am so glad to prove you wrong. Its great for the Poly community and great for us. Poly love to you all.
wow, good for you. I would love to know how it goes in the future. We haven't had much input on here about anything over about six months.
 
Sheila has had two "moderate" surgeries (each 3 hours) over the last two days and John has been here helping with everything. From making dinners to washing dishes, to helping her to the bathroom, he's been a huge help.

It's a huge weight off my shoulders not having to be completely responsible for taking care of her and everything else. Poly rocks.
 
Positive Poly Story

I haven't been on this site for months! How nice it is to be back and feeling the support of other Poly Peeps!

I just wanted to throw a happy update out there, to those who like to hear positive things about Poly.

When I first visited this site it was with many questions. I had a husband who wasn't yet on board with poly and wasn't sure if we should try it. Gradually, after much talking and thinking we have moved forward. There was never that moment of stepping over the poly line, it was more of a gradual decision. I got on OKC and eventually, he did too. I met a man a few months ago on there and we began dating. He is poly and has a wife and kids, much the same as me. We all get along wondrously. When I started this poly journey, I had a hope that someday i could hang with both of my men on a couch and watch a movie, cuddling both. My husband hadn't liked the idea at the outset, wasn't comfortable with it. Months later (two days ago) my other man was staying the night and we all watched a movie together, cuddling on the couch. The two get along famously and neither felt uncomfortable.

Can you tell? I fell deeply in love with my new man. Like I never knew that I could. I love my husband and even feel closer to him because of it. I like my new guy's wife even, she is super cool! We are even planning a possible dinner with all 8 of us, how much fun our kiddos will have together (they keep begging to meet each other).

I just wanted to gift everyone a positive poly story. I love to read them too, so if you have one (or know where to find some) please share! Any questions, I will SO go into detail :)


Enjoy your day!:)
 
I know what you are talking about :) Metamour friendship can be as mind blowing as the multiple love thing, as far as my opinion is concerned. Glad to hear that worked out this great for you. Hope your fantastic start will settle down into a lasting experience. We can cross the fingers for both of us there :D
 
Thanks Phy!

Yes I am seeing this as being a very successful relationship, lasting many years to come. It sounds crazy to admit it, but truly, it is what we both talk about, how we both feel about it. It feels so major, so earth-shaking, this love. I am eternally grateful for the chance to experience such love!

Now my greatest challenges lie in time management, making sure each love has proper time and trying to not be obsessive about my new love. That NRE is powerful stuff! The great part is that we talk about it, the NRE, and how it shapes our actions at times. It is wonderful to be in a poly relationship with a man who has been doing it for a few years already, someone who is a master communicator, and whose wife is completely cool with it (and has a BF of her own who is cool).

Here is a question: What titles are available as a secondary relationship? BF and GF sound so juvenile to me, I call him my beau, my partner, my mate. But there has to be other, more apt titles, right? What do you call a man whom you love dearly, see yourself spending your life with but isn't your husband? A man with whom you share a poly fi love with and is "secondary" only in title. My love for him is in no way secondary, it is just as strong as my marital love, just in different ways.
 
I went to the movies with my husband for his birthday yesterday (it was an awesome movie, and we had a great time!). As I was leaving my boyfriend to go out, he said "have fun tonight, babe" with the utmost sincerity...it was just a very sweet moment for me. I'm going to go see him for a while today, but unfortunately I won't be seeing my husband or my boyfriend for Christmas. :( I will be surrounded by family, though, and so will they.
 
Lovely to hear such a happy story. Good wishes to you all. :)

I use girlfriend but I'm only 23 so I feel fine with it. Though I like to refer to my partners anytime I can, but when I'm talking about one of them I feel that I need some term that distinguishes whom I'm talking about. So that's when I use husband or girlfriend (although I prefer to just use their names, so I always do that when that can be done). Sorry I don't have any amazing suggestions. :p
 
What do you call a man whom you love dearly, see yourself spending your life with but isn't your husband? A man with whom you share a poly fi love with and is "secondary" only in title. My love for him is in no way secondary, it is just as strong as my marital love, just in different ways.
Some people use OSO (other significant other) or OH (other husband). I know a guy who has many relationships and he calls all his non-spouse partners his "sweeties." I like calling someone "my love" or lover.
 
Ahh, great suggestions! I do like to call my new guy "my love" so perhaps it can stick outside of endearments.

I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be away from both of my men for the holidays! It is hard enough being away from one >.< Hang in there and enjoy the family!
 
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