polychronopolous
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Envy is wanting what somebody else has. It may or may not be driven by feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. Indeed, one can feel envy without ever feeling inadequate or insecure.
I think that's a nonsensical notion. We can certainly lose what we expect to have available without ever having "won" anything. And it has nothing to do with feeling ownership of anybody.
I expect my wife to hang around because she tells me she enjoys my company. I didn't "win" her company any more than I "won" the friendship of my best friend from high school.
Good ! I hope this is a true, accurate and LIVED statement.I certainly don't feel I own either of the two.
So the idea that fear of loss can only come from feeling we own somebody else just doesn't hold up to examination.
I also find this nonsensical. Emotions are sometimes fleeting and vaporous, lasting but a moment. At other times they can burn in the hearth of someone's heart for ages. There's no guarantee of longevity of emotion. With that in mind, to say that a short-lived emotion never existed strikes me as a bit absurd.
How much is jealousy hardwired into us humans and how much is learned? Is some jealousy factory provided as a way to delineate preference. If not what is its purpose? Thanks D
How much is jealousy hardwired into us humans and how much is learned? Is some jealousy factory provided as a way to delineate preference. If not what is its purpose? Thanks D
Anyone with kids can see jealousy in them from the earliest age. They squabble over toys and thier parents affection. I think it is a normal survival instinct that is based on scarcity...thinking there will not be enough to go around and therefore trying to horde things.
this rang a bell in my mind (hasn't happened much lately - thanks Mono )
would it be fair to then, as parents, take responsibility for assuring (and reassuring) our children that there IS enough to go around.... and then when there isn't (i.e time/resources) that that is okay and alright and not something to be afraid of, that more will come?
with this thinking - it would also be our responsibility as the parent of our own inner child, to also reassure ourselves that we are okay, and alright and everything will be fine. To take action if it is necessary but to otherwise, let (whatever it is) it be?
I am with Mono on this. Jealousy to me is to do with belonging and the sense of it... "do I belong? I seem to now be... what is going on?!!! (fear) Maybe I don't! " something like that... I don't know if that is learned so much as put on us as kids. New sibling=jealousy kind of thing. Same questions asked I would think.Yes..it is our responsibility to do this. Even animals show signs of possible jealousy. Dogs compete for food and will try to eat everything..because they are instinctively preparing for scarcity. I think that is natural to any species..but I am no biologist. Children display this behavior almost automatically..they also go through a phase of hitting to get what they want from others, biting and crying. I don't see these as learned behaviors but as a part of our biological make up. A babies cry is not learned...it's a biologically programmed tool to get what they need. I see jealousy as a part of our make up as that....an emotion like anger, sadness, happiness and fear. But..I'm no biologist
There are things that we could die from...food is a need that if scarce can cause death. Some people see love as a need..but would we die if it was scarce for a while? I doubt it.
I think scarcity is what it is all about. When it comes down to love, we are on the hook to figure out if there is enough based on our own criteria of what "scarcity" is; for some people that could be measured in the amount of touch, time, or words of affirmation. As a person giving love I think we have the responsibility to show that there is enough..to be genuine in letting someone know they have plenty of love through whatever means works as a valid form of communicating...sex, acts of service, words, etc. Merely knowing we love someone is not necessarily enough for that person to feel loved.
simply saying that it creates a natural perception of scarcity for the mono member, which would cause the jealousy/hording instinct to kick in???
Thanks for asking! That is a very good question and an interesting way of looking at it. Scarcity and love language as it relates to jealousy... hmmmm? I would have to think more about it. There is something to be said their for us I think.Jwithout meaning to single you out, but given the recent posts - Mono/RP - I know Mono's love language is physical touch - is RP's also??? (Only asking as this may be another way to look at the issues for both of you) *backing way off again
I'm not sure about that..if I look at myself as an example, I encourage and try to promote greater intimacy between Redpepper and PN/Derby. I often feel as though I have too much touch compared to others...I don't feel like a horder. Hmmm..more thought on that one is needed..off to play Monopoly with the family! Ironic hunh...monopoly