I really need to attend to what needs attending to in order to open myself to the healthier state I reported months ago. I think getting back into running and sitting meditation will likely help. And I need to drink less alcohol.
It's interesting to go back and have a look at this old, old post of mine.
I came here to find the link to this "Here we go again" so I could post it at "River's Blog" -- and then to retire this thread to the archives.
Well, I HAVE been meditating daily -- sometimes twice! now -- often with my sweetie, Kevin. And I'm enjoying it, although I got a little scared yesterday while sitting -- when everything went silent and I seemed to be falling, dropping in dark space, freefall. I found that I could still locate the sensation of breathing -- but did thrust my eyes open to find my location!
Don't let this be a reason to fear meditation: I say to you; I say to me.
I didn't mention that I used to smoke cigarettes -- only a little, but too much -- besides the drinking (which I did mention). Well, I've given that up. And now I'm drinking less, and intend to stop doing that exessively. Mainly because it wrecks my sleep, my meditation, and my availability to the subtle things I want to attend to.
I still have just one sweetie. But I have an invisible red carpet I'm working on and its nearly finished and I'll put it out (invisibly!) when it's ready. I think the nearly readyness of this red carpet is starting to be magical already! Its not really so glamorous as a red carpet. What it is? It is a big Welcome! It silently says, Yes! To he or she who can meet me here, in our heart.
[edit] -- about that blog, Food For Thought. I'm not sure if it is dead or only sleeping. And about that land search? We were about to sign papers when our
friend with the big bag of money to loan suddenly had only a very, very small bag of money. Life teaches patience, no?