Decided I wanted a blog thread instead of continuously posting in the first thread I started.
A Big Mess... Is the introductory thread. Details suck. Feel free to ask for clarification.
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First off, I'm 28 years old and a female. Started my poly relationship (though you could argue I'm a mono) with my partner in non-ideal circumstances. Still not sure how things will pan out, but hey, maybe my story can help someone out there some where, because quite frankly, in the present moment, I've never felt more alone. But hey, we shall see...
--
I finally shipped out today and arrived in a whole new state. L brought me to pick up my rental car and we held each other for a good half hour.
It was a rough week. His health condition brought all new cards to the table. I'm not even sure we know what all those cards are just yet. L's wife seems to be more open, but I'm not sure.
At the present moment, I'm glad for the separation. I'm gone for 20 days. I told L I would come back the second weekend for our days togethers, but now I'm not sure I can do that.
Ironically, with all the circumstances, this will be the longest time he and I have not had physical contact. I don't mean just sex, I mean hugging, or just seeing each other in general. I'm in the "holy shit" I'm in a new environment phase right now, so every emotion I'm feeling at the moment is magnified by a factor of 100.
As scared as I am of various things, this was what needed to happen. I needed to step away from everything going on in my home state. There is literally too much going on to the point where I felt I couldn't escape. Family issues, parental issues, and career issues that just crowd in and drown out any sense of peace. At least in my current location, not a damn soul knows who I am and what my history is. I'm invisible, anonymous, and people only know me as the trainer who really knows what the hell she is doing with the computer systems.
I saw the new facility tonight. My heart was racing, jumping for joy. It is AMAZING. I cannot wait to get even closer tomorrow.
I hope my NRE just dissipates or at least clears up to the point where I don't feel like I'm drowning in my emotions. I am so grateful no one close to me can be close to me at the moment. I feel like I'm detoxing.
I wrote out some lessons poly has taught me over the past year and it was over 6,000 words long. I should probably post some of them, but right now they have too many personal details in them that I don't feel comfortable posting online.
Despite everything that has happened, the growth has been phenomenal. This HAD to happen in my life. I realized I've spent the past 10 years plowing through life and let -a lot- of toxic situations fester. This whole deal has forced me to confront them. I'll always be eternally grateful for that. The pain has been...awful. But I'm going to be so much wiser for the future and for my son.
A Big Mess... Is the introductory thread. Details suck. Feel free to ask for clarification.
--
First off, I'm 28 years old and a female. Started my poly relationship (though you could argue I'm a mono) with my partner in non-ideal circumstances. Still not sure how things will pan out, but hey, maybe my story can help someone out there some where, because quite frankly, in the present moment, I've never felt more alone. But hey, we shall see...
--
I finally shipped out today and arrived in a whole new state. L brought me to pick up my rental car and we held each other for a good half hour.
It was a rough week. His health condition brought all new cards to the table. I'm not even sure we know what all those cards are just yet. L's wife seems to be more open, but I'm not sure.
At the present moment, I'm glad for the separation. I'm gone for 20 days. I told L I would come back the second weekend for our days togethers, but now I'm not sure I can do that.
Ironically, with all the circumstances, this will be the longest time he and I have not had physical contact. I don't mean just sex, I mean hugging, or just seeing each other in general. I'm in the "holy shit" I'm in a new environment phase right now, so every emotion I'm feeling at the moment is magnified by a factor of 100.
As scared as I am of various things, this was what needed to happen. I needed to step away from everything going on in my home state. There is literally too much going on to the point where I felt I couldn't escape. Family issues, parental issues, and career issues that just crowd in and drown out any sense of peace. At least in my current location, not a damn soul knows who I am and what my history is. I'm invisible, anonymous, and people only know me as the trainer who really knows what the hell she is doing with the computer systems.
I saw the new facility tonight. My heart was racing, jumping for joy. It is AMAZING. I cannot wait to get even closer tomorrow.
I hope my NRE just dissipates or at least clears up to the point where I don't feel like I'm drowning in my emotions. I am so grateful no one close to me can be close to me at the moment. I feel like I'm detoxing.
I wrote out some lessons poly has taught me over the past year and it was over 6,000 words long. I should probably post some of them, but right now they have too many personal details in them that I don't feel comfortable posting online.
Despite everything that has happened, the growth has been phenomenal. This HAD to happen in my life. I realized I've spent the past 10 years plowing through life and let -a lot- of toxic situations fester. This whole deal has forced me to confront them. I'll always be eternally grateful for that. The pain has been...awful. But I'm going to be so much wiser for the future and for my son.