losingsarah
New member
a little background would help. I guess. My husband J and I have been married 14 years, and have had an open relationship for at least the last 10. At first it was mostly swinging, but it lacked an emotional connection we both craved. we have taken short breaks due to life circumstances, but we always managed to drift back into our multiple partner world.
We recently opened back up after a 2 year mono period and I found an incredible woman, fell head over heels (and she too) and we from our first encounter became a couple. the problem was she was married and NOT telling her spouse the true nature of our relationship. (huge red flag in hindsight) she also had a long distance contractual slave relationship with another man that she was concealing from him, which I was ok with him being around (really, do your thing, I don't judge). Why I choose to feed into her lies, I don't know. but I did. and for two months our lives and families intertwined. We had a few things to work out, some jealousy on my part over a friendship with a girl she once slept with for her master, her master's concern that she "loved" me too much, but we talked it out and got past it. I loved her children, and she mine. I even formed a bond with her husband, who by all accounts is a wonderful guy. Then suddenly she told me last wednesday she couldn't carry on our relationship. I was blindsided, because less than a hour before she was still in "you're the love of my life" mode.
I did tell her husband, I broke the only promise that mattered to her. I have no idea what the fall out of that is or if she is a skilled enough liar to talk her way out of what I said and explain away the proof of our affair.
I find I am having such a hard time letting go. I question if her love was real, or fabricated. How could I not realize how manipulated I had been? why do I still love her - or rather the idea of who she was that she presented to me? there are a hundred more in my head. I've never lost a love like this as a poly, and it's killing me inside.
My husband jokingly said I just need a date to realize how incredible I am again, but I don't think it would be fair to drag any new people through the grieving process I am in. I know someday I will be ready again, and J is still with his lovers and they are all amazingly supportive of what is happening. I learned lessons and am growing, but I just don't know how in the world to start healing.
We recently opened back up after a 2 year mono period and I found an incredible woman, fell head over heels (and she too) and we from our first encounter became a couple. the problem was she was married and NOT telling her spouse the true nature of our relationship. (huge red flag in hindsight) she also had a long distance contractual slave relationship with another man that she was concealing from him, which I was ok with him being around (really, do your thing, I don't judge). Why I choose to feed into her lies, I don't know. but I did. and for two months our lives and families intertwined. We had a few things to work out, some jealousy on my part over a friendship with a girl she once slept with for her master, her master's concern that she "loved" me too much, but we talked it out and got past it. I loved her children, and she mine. I even formed a bond with her husband, who by all accounts is a wonderful guy. Then suddenly she told me last wednesday she couldn't carry on our relationship. I was blindsided, because less than a hour before she was still in "you're the love of my life" mode.
I did tell her husband, I broke the only promise that mattered to her. I have no idea what the fall out of that is or if she is a skilled enough liar to talk her way out of what I said and explain away the proof of our affair.
I find I am having such a hard time letting go. I question if her love was real, or fabricated. How could I not realize how manipulated I had been? why do I still love her - or rather the idea of who she was that she presented to me? there are a hundred more in my head. I've never lost a love like this as a poly, and it's killing me inside.
My husband jokingly said I just need a date to realize how incredible I am again, but I don't think it would be fair to drag any new people through the grieving process I am in. I know someday I will be ready again, and J is still with his lovers and they are all amazingly supportive of what is happening. I learned lessons and am growing, but I just don't know how in the world to start healing.