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Old 11-29-2009, 06:02 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post

It's quite less-than-useful to conflate the actor with the act or to conflate the motivation with the act.
I think the term you're looking for is "counter-productive". <grin>

Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
If you'd like, I can offer up distance throwing (just sex) as a disc sport (nonmonogamy) and contrast it with ultimate, which involves a good deal more than just throwing (sex as part of a relationship).

So, while both sports involve throwing a disc (nonmonogamy), they are not the same thing under any circumstances.
I think the term you're looking for is "frisbee". <grin>

(Got your frisbee right here, Big Guy )
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Old 11-29-2009, 11:44 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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My own view is that polyamory and swinging are the ends of a spectrum on which nonmonogamous people lie.
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Old 11-29-2009, 11:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Quath View Post
My own view is that polyamory and swinging are the ends of a spectrum on which nonmonogamous people lie.
I would just substitute the word "people" for "relationships" since people could partake of both practices should they want to.
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:05 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I have good friends who did.
For me-swinging just isn't my form of "comfortable and safe".
I need to REALLY REALLY know someone before I can get comfortable enough to sleep with them. That deep, permanent, emotional connection is a requirement for me.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 11-30-2009, 12:45 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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My own personal opinion of swinging is that it's not for me. I want to touch my partners' souls, not just their genitalia.

And as for the discussion of polyamory vs. swinging:

"Polyamory" and "swinging" are terms with both connotative and denotative meanings, as most terms do. The connotations will vary from person to persons, but the denotations can simply be looked up in a good dictionary.

If you like the the Polyamory Language Page at http://www.polyamorysociety.org, here are their definitions:

Polyamory n : is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional multipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory

Swinging vb : Recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner's or participant's agree to have casual sex with each other's. There is usually no emotional involvement. A form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles

If these definitions do not suit you, feel free to find others.

Comparing the two definitions, the differences between them seem obvious. In fact, the only significant similarity I find is that they are both nonmonogamous.

Last edited by Rarechild; 11-30-2009 at 03:45 AM.
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Old 11-30-2009, 03:40 AM
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Erosa Erosa is offline
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Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
Yes, swingers may become attached in some measure and that may lead to full-blown romantic ties and polyamory. Some folks may swing AND have multiple loving relationships.
*head spinning*

Okay... That would officially be way too much for most people to stay SANE with!

My thoughts on swinging are these;

Anything that goes on between consenting adults is their business and I don't judge.

However, I have never seen any of my non-monogomous friends come out of the 'swinger' lifestyle better for the wear. Granted, they did LEAVE that way of life, which could mean that there was something disfunctional about them not the lifestyle.

But to me swinging would be utterly unthinkable because I highly, highly prize my sexual energy. Being very pagan in my internal faith, I believe that my female sexual light is the exssence of the Goddess herself. And I'm not going to give the to just any ol' body. 0_0
- All my Love.
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Old 11-30-2009, 04:35 AM
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ourquad ourquad is offline
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I've avoided this thread because I've addressed it before. Then it dawned on me that I do not think I have addressed it on this forum.

Yes, we landed in a polyamorous relationship via swinging.

No, I do not think the two camps are mutually exclusive to each other. I do know of swingers who are open to polyamory and polyamorist who swing. Sometimes only part of the poly relationship swing and sometimes they all do so as a group...I'm thinking of two particular triads that I know do this regularly....one a MFF triad and one a MFM triad.

I am not currently swinging at the time. But I do, however, consider myself a swinger. It's a mentality thing. The same as I would still consider myself poly if I weren't in more than one relationship at this time.

I do not truly understand the apathy each camp, poly and swinging, seem to have for one another. Like I said I have addressed this topic before...on another poly forum and on a swingers forum. The truth is, both lifestyles are out of the mainstream. As poly, we wish others would accept our lifestyle more easily. As swingers, we wish we didn't have to hide that either. Both are examples of non-monogamy.

Most swingers want to stay as far away from letting emotions enter into things. Most poly seem to not be able to imagine not letting emotions be a part of things. It boils down to that is the choices each have made. If we don't want our choices condemned, we shouldn't condemn theirs.

Both camps run into to people with preconceived notions of what is involved in each. Some think we both are just looking for ways to cheat. Some think that a poly person is just stating they require emotions to avoid the stigma of just wanting to fuck. Some say swingers claim just fucking so that they can believe no feelings will develop. And, yes, I have truly had those very things said to me.

Some people think poly and swingers are all the same. That there is no distinction between them.

Me, I say, for some of us, we can certainly have recreational sex and fuck for just the sake of fucking. And we can certainly have true, deep emotional, loving relationship with others that just happen to include fucking.

What do both camps have in common the most? That the agreements between partners should be open, honest and consensual. Each has a tendency to have guidelines or boundaries of some kind.

Ok, yes, I have definite opinions on the subject. Sorry if I came across harsh.
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Old 11-30-2009, 04:54 AM
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I agree that there's a lot of unnecessary posturing between the two communities.

My beef with swinging isn't so much about the emotions vs no emotions things. I'm actually a huge fan of recreational sex with good friends and really enjoy it when I have the chance (which is pretty infrequent :\ ). But I have a lot of trouble with the culture of many swinging communities. As a single girl, the couple-centric nature of swinging is a bit off-putting as many couples just like to have that single girl as a living breathing sex toy and there are frequently issues of jealousy or being subject to their boundaries without even considering the boundaries of the single girl. Also the way many swingers encourage female bisexuality but flat out forbid male bisexuality (and pretty much flat out ban any type of trans person) suggests a fairly close minded culture that's being driven by and for the pleasure of the straight man.

Not to say that women can't enjoy themselves in such a context, but such a double standard seems to contribute to the objectification of women. There are swinging communities out there that are much more progressive in their views on gender and sexuality but alas, they are not the majority.

My ideal swing party would be like the Sex Not Bombs room in the movie Shortbus where everyone can bring their whole selves into a room of gushy sexy radical acceptance
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Old 11-30-2009, 05:33 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by ourquad View Post
Ok, yes, I have definite opinions on the subject. Sorry if I came across harsh.
Nothing harsh that I saw. You just provided support for my observation that some poly folk swing and some swingers also do poly.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 11-30-2009, 05:57 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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My time with swinging was short lived fortunately for me. I learned pretty quick that while I got to be with a woman they were more interested in showing the men that they could be bi too, it seemed. I was into it because I love women's bodies and they just seemed to whince when they had to do anything sexual with women. Way to hetrocentric for me I'm afraid.

I also was disturbed by the fact that the swinging party we went to was full of very drunk women being mauled by men who took advantage of their drunkness. I saw some double dipping going on and women who seemed unable to get out of the situations they were in due to being drunk.

I have no idea if this is the norm but it was VERY distrubing and distructive to my sense sexual self and my/our body as being sacred. I would suggest that it was for others there too and I would also suggest that it quite often is for others that weren't there that have decided to be a part of that kind of activity.

Sure, to each there own, but since then and because of other "like" expereinces I have had before and since, I would suggest that many men and women have a chance at becoming damagaed by swinging. I certainly had my fair share of damage from it, but have moved passed it now only to be a strong advocate for NOT going there. There just seems to be better ways of going about opening up a marriage/partnership than swinging. To me that is.

It does hold value however in that it can break sex up for a couple and get them onto a new path sesxually, and it is fun to watch ones partner sometimes. I also find it interesting how friendships can blossom on a deeper level that are limited, but deeper non-the-less. I can see also how it could "proctect" family life in that it is not going to change everything as poly seems to do.
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