I miss my family

WrongWay

New member
I moved in with my GF a week ago. I am still married and have two kids who are grown but still live at home with my wife. I miss them, I miss my wife, I miss them desperately. It's only been a week and I want to run back. More than that I am wanted back, by them and my wife. Now my GF is a sweetheart, she is amazing and would be the ideal woman for me, if it was not for the fact that I have spent every waking moment thinking about my wife and kids and missing them.

I came home to see them today and I did not want to leave.

Me and my GF have been seeing each other for a year, it started as an affair, she was with someone else as well. She split with her partner over other issues, I remained living at home up until a week ago.

I have made a huge mistake, my relationship with my GF would be perfect at the moment, if I were actually present in it and not thinking about my "real home" with my family.

I have the opportunity to get my wife and kids back, all I need to do is say the word. I also feel like I am robbing my GF of the opportunity to find someone who will be more emotionally present with her, she will be an amazing catch and wife someday for someone who is deserving and appreciative of her.

Bottom line is that I need to man up and tell her how I feel, but every time I look at her she just seems so ecstatic and happy that I am finally there living with her, I just can't get the words out.

This is a difficult situation of my own causing, I am the only one to blame, I know that, I have learned my lesson and will never let this happen again, but if anyone has any advice on how to proceed I could really use it.
 
What was the thinking behind the move? How much thought went into this decision. How did the family respond to your decision to move out? Whats was your relationship with your wife like before the move and what is it like now? Does your wife have other partners?
 
Only the truth works. Questions...

How long has the wife known about the girlfriend, and is this something she is okay with? Would moving back home with the wife signal an end to the relationship with the girlfriend?
 
Thank you for all your responses, she has known for a few months and yes the move would very likely end the relationship with the GF. At this point I feel ending it is what is best for me anyway. I will miss her terribly of course, but I just know it will be devastating for her, she has made me aware of that.

I came close to ending it last night, we had lots of tears shed as we discussed what was wrong and what was right. But then lust took over and we ended up tearing each other clothes off and leaving a trail of them to the bedroom.

This morning we were in limbo again, both heading to work, not saying anything about the situation.
 
Would the relationship end because the wife demands it, because the girlfriend wants you for herself, or because you feel you have to make a choice?
 
Rip the band-aid.

It might be 'devastating' for her,.. ( She made sure you knew that ? Hmmmm.)...but at least then, you are being honest. Nothing worse then being secretive and lying about your true feelings. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets.

Oh, and prepare for her to be pissed-off that you fucked her, knowing you were going to leave her. Lust took over for you, I am guessing she was expressing love to be with you. Bonding.

I know its hard, but you need to man up.
 
WW, it sounds like you are trying to be as gentle and loving (and honest) as you can. Admirable. Follow your gut. I'm thinking of the lyrics to a song recorded years ago by John Denver and Placido Domingo, called "Perhaps Love":

... and some say love is holding on, and some say letting go....

And another song by Marie Digby, called "There's a Beauty in Walking Away."

Truth is going to have to trump happiness this time, I think. Short term -- oh, the heartache! But long term -- it's for the best.
 
The relationship would end because the girlfriend wants me for herself, but also I am just tired, tired of all the stress this is causing for everyone involved.
 
Oh, and prepare for her to be pissed-off that you fucked her, knowing you were going to leave her.

I've always thought the best way to end a relationship is one last lovemaking session to honor what people had. It can be such a beautiful thing to say goodbye like that. I am sure if they were talking about ending it and crying before hitting the sack, she wouldn't think he was just trying to fuck her or pretend it wasn't over. She might have pretended in the morning, but...

WW, next time you talk to her, I guess to break it off, you can tell her that you want her to recall the beauty and love of that last time.

So, you don't think that either your wife or gf would want to be in a polyamorous situation with you? I mean, this is a poly board and you have not mentioned whether you wanted poly or not, only that you had originally cheated.
 
I've always thought the best way to end a relationship is one last lovemaking session to honor what people had. It can be such a beautiful thing to say goodbye like that. I am sure if they were talking about ending it and crying before hitting the sack, she wouldn't think he was just trying to fuck her or pretend it wasn't over. She might have pretended in the morning, but...

WW, next time you talk to her, I guess to break it off, you can tell her that you want her to recall the beauty and love of that last time.

.

Sure, that is possible. It depends on the people and how things play out. Sometimes people surprise us in a good way, sometimes not. You just don`t know until it happens.
Sometimes we think we know people, but you dont really know what you are dealing with, until the proverbial shit hits the fan.

So,..in the 'be careful' spirit, I wouldnt be surprised if she looked back on the last few sexual encounters and doubted his intentions. She has previously made him aware, how devestated she would be, if he left her.

and for the record,..I truly like to be wrong on such matters. :)
 
My wife is open to exploring poly, though she herself does not want involvement with anyone on a sexual level other then me. My GF was originally into the idea of exploring poly, she was with her SS partner at the time we first got together so, not wanting to end her existing relationship, poly looked like a good option for her.

My wife is still open to try it but since my GF split with her SO, she now wants us to be mono. I just can't see that working for me, I think I am wired poly, and I have a wife who is understanding enough to let me be, unfortunately the 3rd party I chose to be poly with want's me to be mono with her. So I know I need to go back to my wife and if the opportunity to try poly arises again I need to address it the "Right Way".

It's not even about sex for me, I just want to be able to love and care for and provide for all the people in my life that I love. Unfortunately right
now my GF's possessiveness won't permit me to do that. I understand her values are her values, I won't ask her to change them for my sake.
But I know it's going to hurt us both terribly when I finally end things, which is going to be soon, as I can't take the stress much more.
 
I'm still interested how and why you moved out of the house you shared with your wife and kids? How long were you dating this other women? How often do you now see your wife and kids? Do you go on dates and such with your wife. What do the kids think of this?
 
It surprises me that you decided to move out when you could have stayed with your wife and family, and try to maintain the relationship with the girlfriend. Especially if the wife was willing to give polyamory a shot.

One of the biggest fears of any polyamorous couple is that your SO will meet someone new, fall in love, and then end your relationship so they can live with the new lover. It's as if polyamory is merely a guise used to replace one lover with another.

How do you plan to convince your wife that any new relationship you explore is not going to jeopardize the one you already have?
 
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