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  #11  
Old 09-14-2018, 09:50 PM
MsEmotional MsEmotional is offline
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Thanks everyone! I will ask Ponytail how it would feel so that I know for the future. As it happens, this time When I mentioned that whiskers had canceled ponytail offered to come over and so it worked out smoothly
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Me: 34, F, Bicurious

Amours
Glasses: my husband of 9 years --> 35, M, Queer
Ponytail: my first-poly-date-turned-boyfriend --> 35, M, Pansexual
Whiskers: potential (guy I am dating) > 42, M, Queer

Metamours
Ginger: Glasses' partner --> 30ish, Transgender (FTM), LDR

Kids
Bug: my daughter with Glasses --> 3 years old
Pearl: my daughter with Glasses --> 5 years old
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  #12  
Old 09-14-2018, 11:46 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds like it's working out, that's good to hear.
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  #13  
Old 09-15-2018, 01:24 AM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsEmotional View Post


Im not usually one for conspiracy theories.....but you paint quite the picture. Exactly how often has this happened in your social circle?
https://www.today.com/video/andover-...75787?v=railb&
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  #14  
Old 09-15-2018, 02:24 AM
MsEmotional MsEmotional is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
Holy crap. Guess I had missed the news today.
__________________
Me: 34, F, Bicurious

Amours
Glasses: my husband of 9 years --> 35, M, Queer
Ponytail: my first-poly-date-turned-boyfriend --> 35, M, Pansexual
Whiskers: potential (guy I am dating) > 42, M, Queer

Metamours
Ginger: Glasses' partner --> 30ish, Transgender (FTM), LDR

Kids
Bug: my daughter with Glasses --> 3 years old
Pearl: my daughter with Glasses --> 5 years old
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  #15  
Old 09-16-2018, 10:36 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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Personally, I would consider it weird to call up someone I'm involved with and say, "Hey, this other guy I'm seeing canceled on me, are you available?" I would feel like I was using one as a replacement for the other, and I don't like playing "interchangeable parts" with the people I date. A couple of weeks ago, TWO of the other guys I'm seeing canceled on me in the same week (not same day), so I had one night and one full day unexpectedly free. For the night, my boyfriend asked if I wanted to see him since my other plans had fallen through, and I said no, I would rather stay home by myself than use him as a backup plan.

Not long ago, I canceled plans with my boyfriend, and he immediately got in touch with one of his other partners and got together with her that night. I wasn't happy about that, because it caused me to feel like *I* was a replaceable, interchangeable part. I've been on the opposite side of that with him too, where another partner canceled on him and he asked if I wanted to come over. Same thing; that type of thing causes me to feel like the person doing it sees their partners as interchangeable. My boyfriend has explained to me that it's more like "I want to see KC and I want to see my other partner; I can't see them both at the same time, but if KC isn't available, it's awesome to have extra time with the other partner." I don't really understand the distinction, but I get that I'm an exception that way.

As for the "would you feel the same way if it was friends and not partners" question... No, because to me friendship is a far less emotionally intense thing than a relationship. I wouldn't have had an issue if my boyfriend had called a *friend* rather than another partner the night I canceled on him, because a friend doesn't have the same role in his life that I do. Another *partner* does have the same role, so if he slides one into a slot opened up by another, it comes across to me like he views his partners as interchangeable parts rather than individuals. "Open slot A and insert tab B. Oops, tab B isn't available, tab C works just as well."

(Personally, if a friend, or a friend-with-benefits, canceled with me (which was the case with the situation I mentioned in the first paragraph, I would *not* call another friend to see if they're available. But that's more because none of my FWBs are available without advance planning and notice, since they have primaries, and other than them I only have one or two friends I actually hang out with at all.)
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  #16  
Old Yesterday, 05:28 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Pixi and I live together. She usually sees her bf Wed for overnight, and Friday into Sunday as well.

Certainly if her bf had other plans (he rarely does but it happens), whether unexpected or planned, she'd be home with me! We love to be together and I'd welcome the extra time. Unless I had already made plans, of course, with a friend, relative or another partner.

I don't worry about that "back up plan," "interchangeable" aspect as far as this situation goes.
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Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
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