Poly bi accident, anybody else like us?

Threefwb

New member
Hi polys,
We never planned this to happen, we've been occasional swingers for about 20 years. But we met this shy lady at a party who approached us when escaping from a pushy couple.
We had a liaison which was great and agreed to meet up as FWB. But it's rapidly gone beyond that, I thought it would and we've fallen for each other.
It's hard to find time to meet, but it's now a even bigger priority in our lives now as we've fallen for each other, it's not mainly about sex anymore, although that's what we do. Mostly.
And yes the sex is great C our new lover has spent most of her life in lesbian relationships, so is really really good at teaching me, the man new stuff, especially about outercourse, she seems to have more than enough energy to keep going all night, so yes she never seems to get any sleep we both get a little.
My question is having swung for a long time nothing like this even remotely ever happened it was just recreational fun.
Does love at first three sight happen to others too?
Question 2 it's such a perfect trad especially as we are all varying degree bi ( I know I don't have a man to play with but, I'm too exhausted to do that anyway)
Like most people then why isn't every body in a triad or quad? We have never met anybody like us ....ever, and we know a lot of people. We love being special but why are we so rare?
 
How Long?

We've only been together a few months but the relationship grew quickly. I guess we literally started with a bang so so speak, we had sex before c knew our names even.
But my wife and I have been married 31 years and got engaged after 5 days so rapidly falling in love seems to be the norm every time it happens, (twice)!
 
Cat and I have done the threesome thing. Neither of us wants to date as a couple though. We want our own relationships.
 
Soooo, I'd give it more than a few months to wonder if this is "love at first sight" or turns out to be a hot rocket that burns itself out. I met and married my husband of 16 years after knowing him for 3 months, but I've certainly had my share of hot rockets since. Honestly, I wouldn't be calling anything less than a 6 month liaison "love at first sight." Intense, undeniable sexual and emotional attraction for sure, especially if you're up all night having sex, but I'd say that it's premature to be considering yourselves the rare perfect triad that stays together.
 
I am in an MFM V, a triad wouldn't work in our case because both of the guys are hetero.
 
Hi polys,

We never planned this to happen. We've been occasional swingers for about 20 years. But we met this shy lady at a party who approached us when escaping from a pushy couple.

So she escaped from a pushy couple directly into the arms of a non-pushy couple who had good sex with her. Lucky you!

We had a liaison, which was great, and agreed to meet up as FWB. But it's rapidly gone beyond that. I thought it would. We've fallen for each other.

Falling for each other, as most experienced polyamorists can tell you, is a combination of hormones and emotional excitement. It could be TRUE LOVE, or it could be lust and the lure of something new and shiny. We call it New Relationship Energy, or NRE. It's a good idea to know when you're in it. It can make you temporarily insane.

It's hard to find time to meet, but it's an even bigger priority in our lives now, as we've fallen for each other.

How often do you see her?

it's not mainly about sex anymore, although that's what we do. Mostly.

That seems to be a bit of a contradiction. :) What is it about, besides the sex?

And yes the sex is great. C, our new lover, has spent most of her life in lesbian relationships, so is really really good at teaching me, the man, new stuff, especially about outercourse. She seems to have more than enough energy to keep going all night, so yes, she never seems to get any sleep. We both get a little.

So she keeps shagging one of your couple while the other sleeps a bit? Good sex is fun! I am glad you are having fun!

My question is: having swung for a long time, nothing like this even remotely ever happened. It was just recreational fun. Does love at first three sight happen to others too?

Lust at first threesome certainly does happen. But real love, deep abiding love, not so much. That takes time to develop. Often the "unicorn" in a triad (your C) will end up having deeper feelings for one or the other of the couple. Then the unloved, or less loved or desired person may start to develop jealousy and start acting pissy or try to veto the whole shebang.

Question 2: It's such a perfect triad, especially as we are all, to varying degrees, bi. (I know I don't have a man to play with, but I'm too exhausted to do that anyway.) Like most people then, why isn't everybody in a triad or quad? We have never met anybody like us... ever, and we know a lot of people. We love being special, but why are we so rare?

"Everybody" on the planet is not in a triad or quad, because one on one relationships are the norm. And they are hard enough to maintain. To have a successful relationship of three (2 women 1 man) requires the members be excellent at compromise, patience, balancing time and needs, knowing who sleeps where, who has sex when and with whom, active listening skills, household and financial management, deciding whether to be "out" to family, friends, coworkers or not, how to act on a public date of three, agreement on whether to have kids and how to raise them (not to mention the legal issues around that), deciding if each of you also wants to keep swinging or have other casual or serious lovers, dealing with two PMSing women at once, and other skills. There are also legal issues. And what happens if one of the established couple gets a job in another city or state? What happens to the unicorn if the couple decides to move? What happens if one of the couple is ill or injured and the unicorn isn't recognized as one of the family to visit them in the hospital?

In the alternative sexuality realm, hot sexual threesomes of short duration are fairly common. Lots of couples new to polyamory are seeking the hot bi babe (HBB) to join them and spice up their tired relationship. Sexy time can ensue, but most triads and quads fail because of the reasons I stated above.

Most successful poly people here date independently and aren't focused on dating as a couple trying to find a sexually voracious girl to share.

I hope your triad continues to progress!

I'd recommend reading the book Opening Up, as well as the website morethantwo.com and the book of the same name.
 
Update: amazing and still getting amazinger

Wow reading all of the above it sounds like what we have is hard to do.
But it's 6 months now and still getting better, and I did not think it could get better. Yes ""Everybody" on the planet is not in a triad or quad, because one on one relationships are the norm. And they are hard enough to maintain. To have a successful relationship of three (2 women 1 man) requires the members be excellent at compromise, patience, balancing time and needs, knowing who sleeps where, who has sex when and with whom, active listening skills, household and financial management, deciding whether to be "out" to family, friends, coworkers or not, how to act on a public date of three, agreement on whether to have kids and how to raise them" that all sounds hard to do but in practice it seems to all happen quite naturally, even the kids, finance, coming out, etc. we are experienced adults (45-60 year olds) so been there in non poly situations before so quite easy really. We not are now together 5 nights out of 14 as 7 nights are spent child rearing and enjoying 3 way sex ( which is mind blowing) and movies, outings and just doing household stuff together more than ever, we are ordinary as individuals but wonderful as a triad.
 
... it's 6 months now and still getting better, and I did not think it could get better. Yes... in practice it seems to all happen quite naturally, even the kids, finance, coming out, etc.

That's great!

We are experienced adults (45-60 year olds) so been there in non poly situations before... are now together 5 nights out of 14, as 7 nights are spent child rearing and enjoying 3 way sex.

Not at the same time, I hope! lol ;)

...movies, outings and just doing household stuff together more than ever. We are ordinary as individuals, but wonderful as a triad.

OK, so you're still living separately. You're older, your kids must be teens, twenties? So it's not like you're dealing with demanding toddlers. And you haven't been sharing finances since you don't share a house. Are there plans for that, or are you all content to have new gf keep living separately? Is she living quite close by?

Coming out may not be such an issue at your age. If you've been swingers for 20 years, your friends must be aware of your alternative bent. And older relatives become less important as we age. Either they can be kept less aware of what is going on, or we just don't care about their opinions!

And I congratulate you three on an active sex life in middle ago. I'm 60 myself and that is also important for me. So all three of you always have sex together? Or is there one on one action between any two of you as well? Does your gf have any other partners?

As you'd say in your country, Good on you, mate. Best wishes for continued success. You're lucky.
 
"I'm 60 myself and that is also important for me. So all three of you always have sex together? Or is there one on one action between any two of you as well? Does your gf have any other partners?"
Yes sex is great at our age, lots of fun, the best sex ever, multiple orgasms all round including me and I'm male something that has only rarely occurs before, yes all three at once or at least with all of us as we say in Australia "within cooee" so if two are playing the other is nearby. and yes we are now trimonogomous, just us three no other partners.
wonderful and magical.
 
In my early 20's I was in a very intense MFF triad that lasted nearly 2 years. I had the same thoughts as you--"Why are we so lucky? Has anyone else managed this as well?" My situation was a bit different, we were three young single people who all started dating each other at nearly the same time.

Unfortunately, it didn't turn out to be forever for me. It fell apart when I fell in love with the woman, and she and our boyfriend fell in love with each other. I left, they got married and still are, twenty years later.
 
My wife and I accidentally started our first poly relationship, also an MFF triad, through swinging. Unfortunately it ended badly. Actually it started badly, was intermittently bad at various times, and ended really badly. Then we scuttled under a rock for five years, only to emerge now.

So I am very happy for you that things are going so well! As I believe they say in your country "Good on ya mate" :)
 
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