A Bitter Rant
You.
Are co-dependent. You want to know what happened to you two? That is what happened. Co-dependency. You are co-dependent.
She didn't want you anymore. But she was too much of a coward to tell you. Afraid it would hurt herself too much. So she told you she wasn't built for this, that it wasn't you. That she wanted to have more than one person. More than one love. Implying she still loved you.
She didn't.
She wanted you to be the back up plan, in case the one she wanted didn't want her. She pursued him, and he was rejecting. She pursued others, and they pulled away. She was left with you, the one she didn't really want, but a backup plan.
You found me. And it was different. No rules, no governing. We fell. And we fell hard. Then she was angry. How dare you be happy without her? You weren't supposed to find someone, SHE was. She was supposed to find someone new to love her. A new husband. Now she was left with a man she didn't love and who didn't love her. And no one loved her. But why did she even care?
Well, there's got to be a "Co" in "Co-Dependence", after all.
Why are you co-dependent? You can't sleep by yourself. You were burdened with a child. You never established yourself as an autonomous adult. And you have no agency. You draw her in while she pushes you out. You long for a caring glance and a minute symbol of acceptance from her. You were only 20 years old. (Maybe she was your mother? Maybe she was your father? Did your father do this to you?)
And you let her take away the ONE thing that didn't suck in your life. The ONE person for who you might have abandoned all other horses. The ONE person who wouldn't perpetuate your co-dependence.
You're co-dependent.
And I?
Why do I even write this if you're the one who was in the wrong? If you were the one who had the problem? If I'm SO perfect?
I write this because I have a bitter, broken heart. I write this because you confirmed that which I knew about myself. I write this because your rejection, your choosing of a terrible partner, was choosing between bad and worse. Between terrible and filth. Between awful and scum.
What other reason could there be?
You.
Are co-dependent. You want to know what happened to you two? That is what happened. Co-dependency. You are co-dependent.
She didn't want you anymore. But she was too much of a coward to tell you. Afraid it would hurt herself too much. So she told you she wasn't built for this, that it wasn't you. That she wanted to have more than one person. More than one love. Implying she still loved you.
She didn't.
She wanted you to be the back up plan, in case the one she wanted didn't want her. She pursued him, and he was rejecting. She pursued others, and they pulled away. She was left with you, the one she didn't really want, but a backup plan.
You found me. And it was different. No rules, no governing. We fell. And we fell hard. Then she was angry. How dare you be happy without her? You weren't supposed to find someone, SHE was. She was supposed to find someone new to love her. A new husband. Now she was left with a man she didn't love and who didn't love her. And no one loved her. But why did she even care?
Well, there's got to be a "Co" in "Co-Dependence", after all.
Why are you co-dependent? You can't sleep by yourself. You were burdened with a child. You never established yourself as an autonomous adult. And you have no agency. You draw her in while she pushes you out. You long for a caring glance and a minute symbol of acceptance from her. You were only 20 years old. (Maybe she was your mother? Maybe she was your father? Did your father do this to you?)
And you let her take away the ONE thing that didn't suck in your life. The ONE person for who you might have abandoned all other horses. The ONE person who wouldn't perpetuate your co-dependence.
You're co-dependent.
And I?
Why do I even write this if you're the one who was in the wrong? If you were the one who had the problem? If I'm SO perfect?
I write this because I have a bitter, broken heart. I write this because you confirmed that which I knew about myself. I write this because your rejection, your choosing of a terrible partner, was choosing between bad and worse. Between terrible and filth. Between awful and scum.
What other reason could there be?