enough is enough
Alright, I've had it up to here with the misrepresentation, the deception, and the delusions.
Yes, Hello forum, I am the The Wife.
I hate to revive an old thread, but I will not tolerate slander.
And now, for the rest of the story.
"Hottie" knew my husband for close to a year before they started dating. She knew he was married. With kids. He used the term "open relationship" with her because most of the general population is unfamiliar with "polyamory", so he tried to simplify things. She was perfectly ok (and still is to this day) with him having sex and spending time with me. I still to this day, can't understand the difference between this, and another girlfriend (especially one he sees maybe two to three times a year).
For the record, he is not an asshole. He has a wife, two kids, two jobs, (one is with the military full time, so I'm not sure where she gets the idea that he has a "bad boy" image. Far from it), a house to maintain, and he lives about an hour's drive from her. Even if he wanted to spend more time with her, HE DOESN'T HAVE IT TO SPEND!!!
She was more than welcome to find something to do with herself when he's not able to see her (which, as noted above, is not often), including other boyfriends, he just has a pet peeve against fuck-buddies, and requested that as long as she's with him, she not have those. She tried to tell him tonight that Poly is having sex with lots of people, and since he won't let her do that, that he doesn't know what Poly is.
As for the couple of days she was at our house, he did go to work. In fact if she hadn't announced to the world that she was going out of town for a couple days, she could have worked the same shift, and she was told that by the person who schedules them.
I did spend some time on the computer that night fiddling around on facebook, AFTER THE KIDS WERE IN BED, but we did have a fair bit of conversation, we just have nothing in common, and I suck at small-talk. I went upstairs when my 1yearold woke up screaming, and decided to lay down in my bed with him. She asked me later if I had heard from him, and I said yes, that he should be home soon. He ended up having to stop for a nap during the 45 minute drive home because it was 2am, and he was tired. If she thought he smelled of sex, it's cuz she was projecting her jealous paranoia onto him.
Early in this thread, she tried to insinuate that she had no idea just how many girlfriends he had, and continuously talks about the "others". There was only one other (besides me)... the aforementioned one he sees a couple times a year (because she works out of town). And she knew all this. He told her as much the night she found out about said "other" (which was VERY early in their relationship). It's not his fault if she doesn't believe him.
You all mentioned to her about asking questions and setting boundaries. She came back accusing him of deflecting said questions. She never sat down calmly to ask jack squat. She attacked him with accusations. He refused to justify them with a response.
And before anyone here accuses me of just defending him because he's my husband and will repeat anything he tells me, most of the conversations between them are via facebook chat while he's sitting across the table from me, and he reads them to me. He has shown me 90% of the emails he has received from her. Not to mention the emails I have received from her.
Oh, and should I mention the stalking of my lover and her friends on the dating site we are all members of? I can only imagine how much facebook stalking she has done.
The last time she posted on here was close to a month ago, and yet it was finally tonight that my husband told her to take a flying leap, because for the past month, she has been nagging, and pestering, and the above mentioned net-stalking, and when he doesn't instantly reply to her messages, she accuses him of being off f^cking all these imaginary "others" instead of dropping everything to pay attention to her.
She has flat out said to him that she thinks I should have any and everything house related done during the day (while I'm homeschooling my first-grader, and chasing a toddler) so that he can come home from work, put his feet up, and talk to her all night.
Oh, and as one final anecdote, I'll share something that happened about a week ago. He was making a short road trip to pick something up from someone. She got all bent out of shape because she had all these grandiose plans about coming with him and helping him with the resulting project. At no time did it ever occur to her that maybe there wouldn't be any room in the car because ME AND THE KIDS WERE GOING TOO!!!
I'm sure it results from whatever went on in her previous affair relationship, but I truly believe that she thinks my husband and I have no relationship. In my non-credentialed-but-lifetime-of-people-watching opinion, she is ok with him being with me, but not other girlfriends, because she thinks that he and I have no relationship to speak of, and that other girlfriends would threaten his relationship with her. A relationship she is not satisfied with despite her going in fully aware that he had very limited time to spend with her.
Ok, I think I've ranted enough. I'm gonna shut up now. I hope this sets the record straight. Have a nice life everyone.