I Think I'm Polyamorous!

meh, no biggy. Its happened before. Usually people who come here are working on some heavy shit. People deal with that in different ways. Glad to hear you are willing to admit you were struggling and move on. Glad you're back! :)

Thanks!
 
In my experience, I have found it much easier to be around and talk with women when I am attached. I also found them more responsive to that level of relaxed interaction regardless if they knew I was attached or not. From my perspective it is easy to see the why. When I was younger and single, I was driven by the desire to get laid. I think this came across through my energy and general tone. I was in "hunter" mode for lack of a better term and I think women are very perceptive to that.

Interesting concept. I've never thought of that but there may be some truth to it. To some degree I've always been more comfortable conversing with other women when I'm in a relationship, but I figured it had more to do with my not trying to get anywhere with them.
 
So anyway, I'm finally accepting the fact that I must be Polyamorous. I accept that I am perfectly capable of loving and having feelings for more than one person, and that it is natural for me to express my sexual feelings with the consenting women that I care for.

Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!
 
Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!

Ah, the shortcomings of the written word. It amazes me how I can sometimes mean to say something, say what I'm thinking, then have it interpreted entirely different. The words that said it all for me evidently said something entirely different to everyone else. Oh well, I'll let you know when I've got language perfected. Looks like I totally blew my coming out statement!

One thing I'm noticing after having read a few things on this site is that people can be very specific in terms of wording. I'll have to be more careful and adapt in the future.

Thanks for your comment and I've enjoyed our other conversation! Thanks for being friendly and saying hello!

Snow
 
While I am happy for you that you are glad about making a discovery about yourself, I have to mention that your post seems very focused on sex, or rather casual sex. You do know that that is not what polyamory is about? I just felt it important to reiterate here that polyamory is about love. I would think that most anyone you would find looking for hook-ups on Adult FriendFinder is not really hoping for polyamorous relationships - that site is just about sex. Although sex is a part of most relationships, many poly relationships do not include casual sex or even, for some, any sex at all. If poly relationships also have an open element to it, where the partners can and do seek casual liaisons, it seems that most peeps involved in something like that will acknowledge that is not the poly part. If you're focusing on the sex and having lots of casual sex, that's one thing; if you're focusing on LOVING more than one person, that's polyamory.

Sorry if I mis-interpreted what you were saying originally. This was sort of my coming out statement, so I was a little sensitive about it. I'll just avoid using the words "casual sex" in my postings here from now on. Evidently, it has a specific meaning to people on this site. I am also noticing that word choice is very important to people on this site. I'll learn.
 
Sorry if I mis-interpreted what you were saying originally. This was sort of my coming out statement, so I was a little sensitive about it. I'll just avoid using the words "casual sex" in my postings here from now on. Evidently, it has a specific meaning to people on this site. I am also noticing that word choice is very important to people on this site. I'll learn.

Snowdancer,

Don't censor yourself. We just had a whole long thread about how casual sex is included in poly for some people and not for others. I count myself among the former. It may not always be obvious but there is diversity in options on that and lots of other things. It is good to be as clear as possible but we are all human, and writing is an imperfect medium.
 
Oh geez, I thought this was finished, but I guess I should repost what I said later in the thread, since you seem to have missed it and only reposted my first message which apparently was misunderstood. I've bolded the most important parts:
I didn't say you were looking for casual sex. I don't know nor presume to know what you're looking for. I said that the focus of your original post seemed to be on sex and casual sex, as that is what you mentioned most (in every paragraph, in fact) when you spoke about how you discovered polyamory as an option for yourself. I was not judging; I was simply mentioning that poly is about love, in case you were heading in a different direction. No offense intended.

We good now? For the record, I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.
 
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I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.

Except it can be a gateway drug... as you/we know.
 
It's just not what polyamory is.

Can we agree to add "for me" to sentences like the last one above?

I realize that NYCindie is restating her thoughts on what poly is for her, and does not intend to say that her way is the only poly way. But wording like that frustrates me because, as written, it implies there is one way to be poly.
 
Can we agree to add "for me" to sentences like the last one above?

I realize that NYCindie is restating her thoughts on what poly is for her, and does not intend to say that her way is the only poly way. But wording like that frustrates me because, as written, it implies there is one way to be poly.

Um, no.

I'm not saying that someone who lives polyamorously can't also include casual sex in their life, but they are two entirely different things. Polayamory is loving more than one, and casual sex is, well, casual sex. We're talking about fucking. One does not have to preclude the other but they are not the same thing. That's all. At no time did I say that there is only one way to do poly. If someone leads a poly life which includes casual sex, that's how they do poly. If someone leads a poly life which does not include casual sex, that's how they do poly. Poly as a relationship structure, a container, can have casual sex in it. I never said it couldn't, although someone who claims to be polyamorous yet has only casual sex would make one ask where the love is to make it poly.
 
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Um, no.

I'm not saying that someone who lives polyamorously can't also include casual sex in their life, but they are two different things. Polayamory is loving more than one, and casual sex is, well, casual sex. We're talking about fucking. One does not have to preclude the other but they are not the same thing. That's all. At no time did I say that there is only one way to do poly.

I agree they are not the same thing. Nor do I think that you believe there is one true poly way. In fact I said so in my post.

You define poly as loving more than one person. For myself, I define it as more of a continuum that can range widely from casual to poly-fi relationships. I also place more emphasis on the ethics of poly rather than focusing mostly on the love part. Your definition works for you. Mine works for me. I'm not interested in telling you what your definition should be.

However "It's just not what polyamory is" without adding 'for me' or something similar does exclude me and my ideas about poly. Casual sex is part of poly for me. That doesn't mean it should mean the same to you or anyone else or that you agree with me.
 
Casual sex is part of poly for me.

Exactly. Part of poly is not the same as poly.

However "It's just not what polyamory is" without adding 'for me' or something similar does exclude me and my ideas about poly.

No it doesn't. The fact that poly is not the same thing as casual sex does not negate the fact that poly people can include casual sex in their lives. It doesn't exclude anyone's idea of how to live polyamorously to point out that there is a distinction between what it is and what something else is.

You define poly as loving more than one person. For myself, I define it as more of a continuum that can range widely from casual to poly-fi relationships.

I'm not defining it. I am going by what the word means. Of course being polyamorous can include casual sex or polyfidelity, or whatever else is in between. It is an umbrella term. The Ravenhearts, who actually coined the term polyamory define it as: "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved." I have loved people whose interactions with me were very casual and I have even felt love for someone who was a "one night stand," so I know that casual sex does not preclude love or polyamory. All I am saying is that they are two different things. One is not the other. You said you agree, so I don't see what the problem is.
 
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I feel kinda bad Snow's intro thread has devolved into semantics. Interesting talk, but don't we have a thread or 10 on this already?
 
I feel kinda bad Snow's intro thread has devolved into semantics. Interesting talk, but don't we have a thread or 10 on this already?

Maybe if people actually READ threads that are already here... oh what am I thinking? That's just ridiculous... expecting people to read something that's not all about themselves.
 
This thread seems to have gotten sidetracked....

I just wanted to say hi and welcome to the original poster, Snow.

Thanks for sharing! Your approach makes sense to me. I too feel that wanting casual sex with friends you care about (which is not remotely the same as seeking casual hookups with strangers!) is part of what has led me to exploring polyamory.

I'm still learning about different types of polyamory and/or other forms of non-monogamy, and trying to figure out which form would work best for me.

I'm identifying as non-monogamous right now, rather than the more specific label "poly," because falling in love or being in love isn't that important to me. I fall in love very rarely.

But I think there is a whole range of "feelings" that include varying degrees of tenderness, caring, emotional intimacy, friendship, attraction and/or sexual connection--which I experience even when I don't fall in love.

--Meera

Thank you Meera!

I was wondering what happened too!

I'm just sort of figuring things out as I go along. Sounds like you might be at about the same stage as me so I thank you for your thoughtful insights and empathy.

Thanks for the big welcome!

Snow
 
Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!

Thank you! When I was a young man/old teenager, I didn't understand why more friends weren't having sex. Now I understand about how society influences us and that relationships get very complicated. Ah, to be young and naive!
 
Oh geez, I thought this was finished, but I guess I should repost what I said later in the thread, since you seem to have missed it and only reposted my first message which apparently was misunderstood. I've bolded the most important parts:

We good now? For the record, I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.

I'm OK, I was just apologizing for getting a little sensitive initially. We're good.

Take Care!

Snow
 
It was just a misunderstanding, that got dragged into a tangent, so let me get back on track and say:

Welcome, Snowdancer! Nice to have you here.

And thank you very much for that!!!!

Take Care

Snow
 
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