Redpepper's journey

Thanks, jane! :)

PN gave our tenants their notice tonight. Two months and then we take over the whole house. I will have my own room and Mono will move in on or about Dec. 1st.

I'm a little shocked, as I didn't see it coming this quickly. But as PN said, there was nothing left to do but try it. We have a lot of talks ahead to figure our timelines and scheduling, as it will all change in time. But things are actually MOVING!! Change is upon us.

I can feel it's effects already. :D

On another note, I spent two evenings in a row making pillows for my boy's new room at my parents' new cottage. Anyone who has read our coming out thread knows that this would've been completely impossible a year ago. We have come so far!

I told them about our situation finally, and what was happening, and they thought we were crazy not to find another house for us all to live in. Baby steps right? It will come if it is meant to, when everyone sees if it works out. All in all, they thought it made sense and listened with interest and asked questions. I explained that I spend two nights away from home and have never liked i. Now I won't have to. They agreed that this was going to be a good idea. I'm sure there will be more questions and concerns to follow. But so far, so good.

I talked to PN about roly today. He is still hurt and embarrassed about it, as she has obviously moved on. He is far happier though, and is engaging more with all of our lives. He looks sad when he talks of her. But really, there is not much more to do.

I seem to be friends with her ex here, all of a sudden, as a result of our camping trip. Now I am wondering what happened between them. It's not my business. I know she had a hard time meeting him to sort some stuff out. But he is such a nice guy. I don't get it. Ah well, not for me to know about, and I really don't need to.

Having looked at our finances, I am thinking now of going to the Lovemore conference this fall in Seattle. If anyone else is going, please PM me. I'd love to meet up, if it's possible.
 
You're very welcome!! Sounds wonderful, RP! :D:D:D I'm very happy for all involved. Change can be a great thing!

I have this 2 days a week. I love being with my love and his wife. When I'm there, he's with me in the guest room. She and I have become friends. I help out while they're at work.

Tues and Wed = my weekend. I'm hoping one day this will become permanent. It's been talked about, but time will tell. One day at a time! If it's meant to be, it will be, like you said.

He does have me listed at one of his doctor's as a person that can call to make appts and get info. He had me put "friend" down, because he didn't think they'd understand partner. hehehe! I've learned a lot in 5 short months. Can't wait to see how life is a year from now, or 10!

As for the ex-- people use to think my ex was a great guy, too. They had no idea he was abusive in all definitions of the word. Just saying!

Keep up the great work, RP!
 
WOOT! YAY! HOORAY! Doing the happy dance for you RP.
 
I'm so happy for all of you! It's going to seem like so much space to be living in. Something seems to have really shifted for a lot of people lately. There's so much good news floating around. :D
 
Hope it works out for everyone. It sounds like you all have found a way to meet each other's needs. Good luck. Have fun with the moving.
 
*joins happy dance after everyone else has already stopped but I'm reading this late so dammit I'm gonna happy dance right now!*

..... :D
 
*joins happy dance after everyone else has already stopped but I'm reading this late so dammit I'm gonna happy dance right now!*

..... :D

Dances with ya!

Wow, I didn't expect this to happen so soon.:eek:
 
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Talking about casual sex and participating in it is just, well, boring to me. It's like talking about brushing my teeth.

Is there something wrong with me that I don't want to fuck the cock of my friend, or see the pussy of my other? It's just a "meh" *shrug* moment for me. I could be looking at their shoulder. Well, no, because I'm not disturbed by their shoulder. I would be disturbed by the fact that they expect me to look! Or that they are showing me their sex skills. To do something with them or watch something with their genitals and enjoy it. How could I? How does anyone? What's to talk about? Its private. It's bedroom stuff. It's not what friendship is about to me and not what strangers are about to me.

Talking about and participating in the incredible, earth shattering, body transforming sex that Mono and I have and how it has utterly changed my life and sex forever, would be interesting. But I'm sorry, anything less than the sex I have with any of my loves is just masturbating or brushing my teeth. What's there to say? How is it interesting...? What am I missing here? What is the deal with casual sex and why do some people think that it is so "all that"? I don't get it! How can fucking just anyone be so great that one needs to do that whole "YA" thing as if they scored a goal? Is it about that, even?

I'm finding sometimes that I really have no relation to those that call themselves poly around me. The students at the university seem to think that poly is about fucking everyone and calling it love. I used to do that and call it dating. What's the difference? More and more, I find that no one really wants to talk about it, but just get on with what they do and pretend that we all are on the same wavelength. It's comfortable to think that, maybe? There seems to be an overall attitude of people thinking that their way is the the way and that anyone who wants them to explain it, or understand it, and then ask questions, or voice opinions is to be avoided, because they are a threat to that.

Don't get me wrong. I love my community and all its diversity. But I just get a tad fed up with some people who think that their version of poly is all there is and don't talk about anything else as being valid or even what some of us do! I feel like I go out of my way to say that there are different ways, and yet I hear nothing of that from others. Maybe I'm just projecting that? Maybe I am just not there for conversations that happen where people actually say that it is possible to have a mono boyfriend when you are poly and it is possible that some people are not interested in casual sex, and this is why.

The thing I don't get is that THIS is the only place I get to have a meaningful discussion with anyone right now! I go to things in real life sometimes and end up feeling empty and completely misunderstood and misinterpreted. Somehow, it seems all a big competition to "get" partners or lovers, a competition to be right in terms of one's view and way of doing poly. I can't remember the last deep conversation I have had that felt satisfying with anyone in real life, other than my loves. Maybe that is why they are my loves? Where are the people like me? Where are the poly people in my community that live like me? I feel like a freak!

Maybe it's time to hunker down and find those that are like-minded. Even my closest friends don't want to talk to me about poly because they think I want to prescribe a definition onto them. I don't! I just want to come away having had a decent conversation whereby others don't compete, project, assume, haven't heard what I say, and haven't argued with me. I want to come away from something other than here, and think, WOW, I actually learned something and was moved! I actually moved someone else too! A balance would be nice.

I would like to talk to people that are humble and open to anything I say, rather than so stuck in their way is the way and that anything that I say, in my difference, is just simply that: different and worth thinking about. Maybe this is where I need to find commonality, in people that want to be moved and keep learning!

I know I will probably wear this, but I just need to vent.

I just need something. Is it so much to ask for it to be fulfilled?

PN says I should just find ways to allow others to feel safe talking to me. I don't know how to do that. I guess I will attempt to start with that. I feel like I am, but that there just aren't others that want to talk. I think people don't talk to me because I have somehow become desperate about it, and that might be evident in my manner.

I get more depth and creative-thinking fixes from newbies, I think, because of the raw desire to understand and figure themselves out, than I do from the so called established polys, who have sometimes closed their minds to any other way or understanding of poly. I need to actually talk about real relationships (such as on here, only in real life), rather than dwelling on the past and what has happened to make me poly. I'm driven towards a future and to growth. How do I accomplish working on that with others who are like-minded?

I thought I might start a local group that meets for support in their relationships, one that knows all the stuff and is living it. There would be no need to talk about a topic, because that would come up as needed. We would talk about our relationships and ask questions of each other and confront some of the major issues that come up instead. I think I better get on this and see if it is where my heart lies more.

Well, there we go. I just wrote myself out of my vent and into something productive. I love that. :)
 
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I thought I might start a local group that meets for support in their relationships... one that knows all the stuff and is living it. There would be no need to talk about a topic, because that would come up as needed. We would talk about our relationships and ask questions of each other and confront some of the major issues that come up instead... I think I better get on this and see if it is where my heart lies more.

Now THIS sounds like a great group! :)

I thought casual sex, sex for sex's sake, was swinging. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it's different than poly. I've always heard/read that poly, if sex was involved, was with someone where there is a heart connection, where love is involved.
 
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