A new adventure

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

No less than 2 minutes of my last post, V sends me a response via text! HOLY CRAP!

I think that she must be feeling what I am emmitting. In japanese, this is called Shin Pa Tan. Or "Short Mind Waves". Very similar to short wave radio. The feelings can be felt over long distances, so the parties involved can often know when the other is hurting, or about to call them, or feelings of lonliness, or loss. I will, from time to time, pull out my cell to check text messages. I OFTEN do so right as a text from V comes in, or shortly before. (Like a couple seconds) This happens too much and too often to be sheer coincidence.

To state my feelings right now; relieved and better.
 
Magdlyn,
I can understand. However, our relationship with V is not simply a sexual one. We have no desire to make it simply a sexual relationship.

Yeah, you're not listening to me. I said I love my boy, and our relationship is primarily sexual, not simply sexual.


In fact, since knowing her, we've all only gotten together that way twice. It was devine to be sure, but not the be all end all of the relationship. I, personally, enjoy simply being around her. Holding hands with her, holding her, etc. All the same things I enjoy with my wife. There is a different feel to her though.

...She is older and more mature than I am. Maybe not more mature than my wife, but definatly more mature than me! LOL :D

Interesting. I hope you can learn from her, as my younger lovers learn from me and my more extensive experiences.

She has a great sexual desire, and touts that fact. I often wonder if she is simply not getting enough sex from us, and may be seeking it out elsewhere. If so, this is kinda a deal breaker. The reason is that we all....as in her, my wife, and myself.....went into this relationship knowing that we were all poly-fi, and not just looking for fuck buddies or toys. So....IF (note the large letters) that's all she wants, she needs to let us know, so we can move on. If NOT, then again, she needs to let us know so we can move FORWARD. But without being able to even TALK to her, it makes it WAY more difficult to know what she wants.

Yes, poly takes open and honest communication. Sorry it's so hard for you to communicate openly with her. If she is super horny, and so are you, why aren't you having tons of hot sex?
 
Yeah, you're not listening to me. I said I love my boy, and our relationship is primarily sexual, not simply sexual.
And again, we have no desire for a "primarily sexual" relationship. ;)




Interesting. I hope you can learn from her, as my younger lovers learn from me and my more extensive experiences.
I'm trying....I really am.



Yes, poly takes open and honest communication. Sorry it's so hard for you to communicate openly with her.
It isn't "hard". It's impossible. Here, try this experiment. Have your boy toy change his phone number (which we have NOT done, but would equivilate the same). Then, send him texts to the old number telling him how you feel. Wait. wait some more. Then, try sending him more texts.....Oh yeah...He's still not responding? Hmmm...Makes it difficult to "communicate"....doesn't it? We're not willing to simply drop in on her un-announced. We did that once, and it felt weird, and I think she felt like we were stalking her. LOL Which we weren't. So communication is a two way street.......We talk, she talks, we communicate. Until today, it has been just US (my wife and I) talking....and her not responding. That is not communication. It is us TRYING to communicate to her, but her not responding for whatever reason. This is unusual for her.

If she is super horny, and so are you, why aren't you having tons of hot sex?
Because that isn't the type of relationship we want. It has been my wife and I's experience, as well as V's, that if the relationship revolves around the sex, then it falters quicker and disapates. So, in an effort to change the way we (my wife and I) do things, we deliberatly held off on sex, and have held back on trying to "get sum". Focusing more on the mental and emotional aspects of the relationship. ;)
 
TL, you very often perceive things as slights against you when it's likely not the case. You seem to focus on your relationships instead of YOU. You want things to go a certain way, and when they go differently, your world is shaken. When she responds or does something you like, you post here that you're happy. So happy! When she doesn't get back to you for two or three days (not very long, actually), or confuses you in some way, you're all doom and gloom and everything's "over" for you. And it changes several times a day, LOL! Your emotional well-being is so wrapped up in another person's actions and behaviors toward you, that you come off as a bit ungrounded, maybe even flighty. That's why some of us say you've been "hot and cold." Build a strong foundation of security within yourself and you won't be so strongly affected by others. You still feel it but not be so overwhelmed and will recover more quickly.
 
Cindie, please try to understand that I am bi-polar, and often flip my moods several times per day. If you think it's rough for you in a forum, try living it! :eek: I'm trying to keep my doom and gloom thoughts to myself generally, and usually only post them here. It's my outlet so to speak. Please bear with me. ;) Anyway....That's me....and I don't TRY to hide it from V. If I tried to hide it from her, it would only surface later and REALLY scare the hell out of her then. But I DO try ot keep it as low key as possible. This forum/thread, is my venting room. I take everyone's advice and try to see it through a good light and try to remember that everyone is simply trying to help.

So please, try to remember, I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. But I usually level out
 
I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. But I usually level out
Good to know. I did not know you are bipolar, and am glad that you found this outlet to vent. I am not judging, only trying to be helpful. I think the best thing to do when if you are hyperfocused on the relationship, is to occupy yourself with something else that gives you peace and/or satisfaction. And not to try not to take things too personally. Easier said than done, I know! :)
 
Sorry I'm late to the party, TL. It's been a hectic week. Though I can see where everyone is coming from, to me, I perceive most of V'a actions in the same light that you do, especially, since I've endured much of the same over the the last few months. We can always try to project our thoughts about why someone is doing certain things but the bottom line is, when you decide to be in a relationship with someone, you don't continue to do things 'your' way as if you are only dealing with yourself. Everyone does communicate differently; however, you find common ground in those differences when you decide you want to involve yourself with someone so not acknowledging texts, calls, or not responding to statements from someone you supposedly care for and are trying to build with is unacceptable. If you are only capable or willing to communicate in a particular way then you need to blatantly communicate that and give your partner(s) the choice of whether or not they can accept that and have a relationship with someone who is inflexible in that area.

You are right. People who are serious about associations do show consistent interest and acknowledgement to those people they are involved with. My thing is ... if you are more of a detached person or someone who needs a lot of space and does not practice reciprocity in the same ways I am displaying, then you need to clearly state that. Forget how you operate. There is an 'us', a 'we' now and this person needs to decide if they have what it takes to maintain that. Irregular or stoic (not the word I'm looking for) behavior without communication is not going to result in a successful experience in the long run.

I do believe that V is having some thoughts about her involvement with you and your wife. My partners began doing the same thing to me when they were distancing themselves prior to our recent break-up. There was always a reason why they had to decline opportunities to hang out and, even I, have done it to them in the last couple of months when I did not want to be involved with both of them but didn't want to upset either of them by being frank about it. Now, those thoughts of V's could include so many things. It may not be about the two of you at all. It could be about her or other aspects of her life but still affects her involvement or desire to be involved with you two.

From what I've read, I would continue to give her space. Though, it is nerve-wrecking, I would wait for her to contact you more often (in my experience with my last partners, it could take longer than you want) and I would make a conscious effort not to contact her daily (once every two days is good during this time) but continue to let her know that you guys are interested and care for her. Send her a free ecard just for added support.

I hope your weekend has been brighter. :)
 
Thanks Eklctc. My weekend is going good so far. V actually responded to us today. :) AND....This weekend is my wife and I's 20th anniversary. So we are leaving town to go to Naples for a couple days. Plus, I got some new tools today. :) (My wife's anniversary present to me.) She also just gave me a massage....Which TOTALLY relaxed me. I didn't even have to ask for "happy endings". :p LOL
 
WEEELLLLLLLL......This weekend was bittersweet.

L and I went to Naples and spent our anniversary there in a BEAUTIFUL hotel called "Bellasera". It was AWESOME!

That was the "sweet" part..........

The "bitter" part, helped Monday live up to it's name. :rolleyes:

Today, V sent me a text saying things just weren't working out, and she was breaking up with me. With ME? I thought it was an "us". As in my wife and I....Not just "me". Weird. Either way, she broke up with us. (Because if you're not dating one, you're not dating either of us)

Insert sad face here --->


Now I'm really glad I disconnected myself a couple weeks ago. Had I kept going the way I was, I would have been REALLY hurt by this. As it is, yes, it hurts. Am I "devastated" by it? Not even. Hurt? Definatly. Gonna get over it? Absolutely. End of the world? Not even CLOSE!

Could I have done some things differently? Yes. Could she? Yes. Could my wife? Yes. We ALL could have. However, we didn't.

I think that from the beginning, she wanted to date just me, or just my wife....But not both. Whatever. She said she felt like she couldn't "express herself" when we were together. As in, she couldn't have "private" conversations or spend "alone" time with me. She also said that she was only alolowed to do what L was "ok with", and how could she be "sponatneous" or express her feelings" like that. She said it "dismisses her feelings". I told her that trying to rush my wife's comfort levels, dismissed HER feelings. Then I told her I was sorry that we didn't go "fast enough" for her, and I was sorry it didn't work out.

So yeah...Kinda sad....but ready to...... move on.
 
Yea...scenario sounds familiar on various levels. The signs were definitely there, though, so I'm glad you went with your first instinct and began the disconnection. Glad you have acknowledged the disappointment but, ultimately, have taken it in stride. That's where I am...already on my next prospect. :) *hugs*
 
Yea...scenario sounds familiar on various levels. The signs were definitely there, though, so I'm glad you went with your first instinct and began the disconnection. Glad you have acknowledged the disappointment but, ultimately, have taken it in stride. That's where I am...already on my next prospect. :) *hugs*
Thanks! ;) Your next "prospect" isn't in Florida is it? :p J/K
 
Smirk

Sorry it's been so long. I have had a hectic month at work and it's ongoing. *sigh*
Hmm...let's see...what part of Florida is that? My sister lives outside of Miami and I'm supposed to visit this year. I may have to do some recruiting. :p
 
Wow...been a LOOOONG time since visiting this thread.

Eklctc,
We are in Clearwater. ;)

So today, I went to work. I work with my wife and I's ex's hubby. ?(weird I know.) Anyway, I'm at work, and he blows up my head 1t thing in the mornign. He tells me that my ex would be giving me a call today! I was excited, as I never wanted to break up in the first place. But HE (her hubby) was not comfortable with the closeness of her and my relationship. :(

I told him "I seriously DOUBT that." (Incidentally, I was correct as she did NOT call me today) Anyway, he was always completely AGAINST poly and the idea of poly...but today, he brought it up to me. I thought this was weird to say the least. Then, he tells me that his wife really misses my wife and I, and wants to resume some sort of relations again. :rolleyes: I told him I would like to talk to her also, as I have missed her and talking to her a LOT. But....(there's always a "but"...isn't there)....I was afraid of getting into any kind of relationship with her. He asked why....I told him that I didn't want to because I was afraid of getting involved with her, then having her yanked away from me again like the last time. I really dislike him....but my wife and I both love HER to pieces. We are still upset with her, but understand that she broke up with us because she was trying to keep her marriage together. We just think she went about the whole thing wrong....

Anyway, no phone call from her today. Why? Probably because she doesn't have my new number. ;) I'm keeping it that way though. I told him that if she REALLY wanted to talk to me, she would do it in person at our work or e-mail me, or facebook me.

He has a problem...He tends to lie a lot. In fact, our supervisor has said, on numerous occasions, that he always knows when S is lying....because his lips are moving.

I REALLY want to believe that D wants to talk to L and I again, but I'm not holding my breath.

I asked S WHY D wanted to talk to my wife and I again. He said that he has a FWB, and that his wife D now wants one also...and said she wanted my wife and I as her FWB. I re-itterated to him that I was reluctant to get involved, and I didn't want to jump in with both feet. Rather, I prefered to touch the water with my little toe....or something smaller. LOL
 
Well now....How things have changed....

About 3 weeks ago, S got fired from our job! YAY!!!! I know...Sad that I would be happy about someone else getting fired. But it was REALLY getting hard for me to go to work with S every day. He was constantly telling me how D wanted to hook up with L and myself. Blah! Good riddance! Finally done with that chapter of my life! LOL

On another front; If S had not gotten fired, I had other pokers in the fire anyway...and On Monday this week, I got a call about a new job at Midas. Today, I started my first day at Midas. :D Oddly enough, S was my supervisor at my old job, got fired, and also applied at Midas and was turned down for the job.....I applied and GOT the job. WEIRD! He's a faster mechanic than me, but I'm more thorough. :p

On a DIFFERENT front;
L and I have been having issues again. I finally put out a real ad...One that was sure to garner some attention. This ad was to try to find a girl for me. Well, I got that attention I was looking for alright. Of course, when I actually replied to two of the women who responded, it did NOT go over well with L. I did it wrong, and need to refine my approach. While she is trying to get the whole idea of me seeing another woman romantically, I am trying to learn a few things....One, how to find women w/o pissing off my wife. Two, how to attract women...and then tell them that I'm married, but not cheating and we're poly. Three, ??? LOL

So there you have it folks...in a nutshell.
 
Sorry Ari, but I will let her explain that, if she chooses to come in here, as I will likely describe it wrong. I have that issue most of the time. LOL
 
Hey, TL, I recall not long ago, you posted to the "how you doing" thread:
Had a long heart to heart with LT last night. Not sure how to convey that even though I have a desire to go out with other women, I am NOT leaving her....EVER. We are currently on a killer drop on the "poly-coaster".

And I wrote back the following, but you didn't respond:
Oh, you two seem so solid, I am sure she couldn't possibly doubt you!! Are you saying you want to try dating a woman that you don't share? I know it's been hard for you to find someone who fits into your situation in that way.

Is that what's been happening? I'm sure it might seem like a big transition for you, if that's the case, but I meant it when I said you guys seem really solid as a couple. I'm sure whatever it is, will work out.
 
Hey, TL, I recall not long ago, you posted to the "how you doing" thread:


And I wrote back the following, but you didn't respond:


Is that what's been happening? I'm sure it might seem like a big transition for you, if that's the case, but I meant it when I said you guys seem really solid as a couple. I'm sure whatever it is, will work out.
Well Cindie, IDK...Yes...I have the desire to date a women that we are not both involved with on a sexual basis, but I DEFINATLY want LT to be involved with whoever I decide to date, on a friendship basis at the very least)
 
Well Cindie, IDK...Yes...I have the desire to date a women that we are not both involved with on a sexual basis, but I DEFINATLY want LT to be involved with whoever I decide to date, on a friendship basis at the very least)

That was a big step for me. One I took last may actually. Up until that point I had always been a unicorn hunter, but made the leap to start dating on my own.. in order to date SG.

It was a long process and lots of talking with my wife. But it did work out. We had both always had a rule of girls only, around this time, we also dumped that rule.

For us, both were tied together... both were eliminated together. Both took a long time, lots of discussion, crying and .. well more talking. Eventually it worked out for the best and we now date separately.

So best of luck.. its a huge step in coupled non-monogamy...
 
Ok, LT and I had a nice talk the other night. I expressed my feelings (in a nice calm manner). I also told her that I was not going o be practicing ANYTHING poly for a while. Then, I made a mistake. (like I always do) I told HER not to do anything poly either. I told her things were cut off for her and a new interest of hers. I told her that things were cut off for an OLD interest of hers. I told her it was ALL cut off.

STOP......

Then..... we have been communicating the last couple days....

STOP.....

Communication...key...

hmmm....


anyway...She and I started seeing each other again...eye to eye......

She has respected my wishes for her not to see anyone else....Then, yesterday, I made another mistake. :(

LT asked me if I would like to go to a country music concert with her on Sunday. I said "SURE! Thanks for asking me!" Then she asked (and also added in that it was ok to say no) if we could ask Airman to go with us. I answered the text with one word: "NO". I think I confused her. Then she reminded me where the concert would be, and where the tickets were acquired from....She also reminded me that our ex's, S & D might be there. She also reminded me that she would be there for 4 hours before I got off work and could come there to be with her.

It was about that time, that I realized what I had done. So I said that it was fine with me if she wanted to go, and if she wanted to ask Airman out to it, that was fine, but that I didn't want to go anymore. She said she would respect my wishes for her not to ask out Airman, and she simply wouldn't go.

LT LOVES country music. So I really don't want her to miss this. She hasn't been to a country concert in a long time now.

So I told her I would go, and the likelyhood of seeing S & D there was small.



Here's what I felt I did wrong: I denied her seeing Airman. Not out of jealousy....No....I have cut it all off for myself, and should not deny her as well. She is her own person, and I need to allow her to have that.

I cut it off becase I've been so frustrated recently. I keep hearing LT telling me that she would be ok with me having a gf.....but when I (in all my terrible timing) ask to go look online, she gets mad and upset. So...I told her I'm done eve looking for now. I think she has realized what she was doing, and has been extreemly understanding to me more recently. She has encouraged me to look again....however, I'm just not in the mood right now. I can't seem to handle any drama. It saddens me to not have the desire.....but....I think it is best for me right now.

Now, I have done a LOT wrong...so don't let this sound like I am totally innocent, and that I'm bashing her. She has been quite understanding. She also thinks that I often get on here and bash her and make her out to be a mean person. I try not to....She is usually very understanding and helps me out when I need her to.

I'm probably making a mistake posting this also....I hope not.
 
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