ohhh....Why.....WHY???????
I f-ed things up again!
So last night, we decided to have V spend the night. It was the best night ever! until it was time to go to sleep.
Thats when my hormones got the best of me.
I'm an idiot and should not be left alone. If I am left alone, I will surely burn myself to the ground....simply out of stupidity.
Ok, we were all laying in bed...L and V were falling asleep.....out of sheer exhaustion. L was feeling under the weather anyway, and was pretty tired. I was tired also....but just so horny! I mean...OMG! The evening had been sooooo good! I was on cloud 9! Anyway, as we laid there, L fell asleep....V fell asleep...I started playing by myself. It shook the bed, and I reached over and started ummm...."exploring" V's body. We had some heavy petting and mutual masterbation ggoing on...Then, V decided to take things more orally.
Now, I had a feeling that L would not be ok with this going on while she was asleep....So...after a few minutes, I told V it would probably not be cool. So she says "Well then wake her up!" So I try, but no luck....So we go back to mutual masturbation, and making out....Which wasn't cool with L either.
I should have known better....and I kept going. I allowed my hormones to get the best of me.
L let me know the next morning that she was upset and why. I feel like such a heel and an idiot.
L has assure me that what I've done is not unforgivable, and there is no need to call off anything....but that she was upset about it, and I should have known better. (And I really should have) She told me to just learn from it, and move forward.....But I am still feeling a bit guarded and not really wanting to allow my emotions to become a part of the equasion. I told L this, and she told me that wasn't what she wanted. She said it was something that she had to work through, but for now...it was an issue.
The issue at hand...V and I were playing...and leaving L out, by playing while she was asleep. I should have known better...and I told L....it'll never happen again. That is to say...I'm not even sure ANY kind of play will ever happen again with V. Just because I'm an idiot and overly horny and think with the wrong head. I think I just need to become a monk.
or something else....Maybe the guy who smashes things with his head.
L DID talk to V about it today. V said she knew that L was upset, and figured it was about what V and I had done the night before. The two of them talked about it, and V and L are now on the same page....and V knows more of what the limitations are...even if I don't have the ability to stop myself, maybe SHE can.