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I gave it my all. I thought things were getting better between us. Last night, Wolf broke up with me. I'm so heart broken. I couldn't sleep, I can't stop crying, I just feel so hopeless and useless and like a huge failure. I don't love easily but when I do, it's big, I give it my all. I don't know how to do things differently. I'm trying to be vulnerable and positive but that just always seems to backfire on me. When I'm like that I find that people pull away from me every time. I keep getting told that being vulnerable is good and that it's strength but all I'm seeing is that it's heart break 💔

This is why I feel like a failure. I feel like everything I did just pushed him further and further away, but I don't know what to do differently.

I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. I feel like not only did I lose my partner but I also lost a friend. He's the person I talk to the most in my life. When things go well he's the first person I want to tell, when they go badly he's the one I want comfort from. It's so hard right now. We keep talking to one another, have been on and off for the past few hours. I know I need to cut him off but I just don't want to. This was most definitely not a mutual break up
 
I'm just sending a supportive thought.
 
I'm sorry you are hurting so much. Be kind to yorself as you would to a friend who has been treated as you have. I think you know how to keep yourself going, ceasing contact for instance,, so be patient while you get yourself through this.


Leetah
 
I'm so sorry. ((HUGS)) Take time to grieve and grow.
 
This is why I feel like a failure. I feel like everything I did just pushed him further and further away, but I don't know what to do differently.

Relationships are about more than just ourselves. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we do, or don't do. It's a hard truth to learn that occasionally we have no real control over how things will turn out.

It doesn't make it a failure... nor does a relationship failing mean anything about us. You are not your relationship, so it ending doesn't make you a failure.

I don't expect you to believe me in this moment, but know that you're still supported, and loved, even by those who you don't know exist. I hope you take some time to heal, and be gentle to yourself while you're at it... because there's nothing to beat yourself up over.

Hugz
 
Thanks for all your supportive words. I know things will get easier eventually and that I just have to wait it out. It's just so hard to feel this pain and want to turn to the one person who is the source of that pain but know that it's not a good idea. He really wants to stay friends with me. I don't know if I can. I don't fall in love so easily and the feeling, for me, lasts. I feel like I'll always want more from him. I love him and I'm devastated that he doesn't feel the same way about me
 
Some people can be friends eventually with a person who "broke their heart" some cannot. It might help for you to take a complete break from him for weeks or months until you get your balance back. You just tell him that is what you need to do to get some healing done. At the end of that time you can evaluate if being in touch with him would add or detract from your life at that time. Anyone who has been through a difficult break up should understand and not hold it against you.

Leetah
 
It's so hard to stop talking to him. He was the person I talked to the most in my life. There is no convincing him that counselling would help us. I asked him today if he'd be willing to try, he said no. I guess it really is over 😢
 
This is so difficult. It has been getting easier to get through days but anytime I think about Wolf it's like my heart just breaks over again. I texted with him a little bit yesterday. It makes me so sad, he's so cold toward me. We are going to see each other on Sunday, there are things I want to say and to know that I want to hear and say in person. I don't know why but I feel like he needs to hear some truths, maybe because it will make me feel better to get it off my chest. Maybe because it will make me feel better to see him hurting too.
 
I hope you got to say what you wanted and that he said what you wanted him to. If not, remember that "closure"is really up to you, you are the one who has to decide you are done so you can start healing.

Leetah
 
Actually, last week, he cancelled on me, at the last minute. He got really upset when I expressed my anger over that. He had anxiety all day about us meeting and then didn't feel up to meeting with me but didn't communicate with me that was how he was feeling. I was understandably angry. Then we got into a long drawn out text conversation about how I had a right to be angry and upset about him canceling. Exactly what I didn't want or need.

Anyway, we are meeting today. I feel a lot less stressed about the whole situation. I had a chance to see my counsellor and talk to her about the situation. We talked a lot about how I've been making huge changes in my life and that perhaps instead of thinking negative thoughts about how I failed, that quite possibly this man is just not strong enough to be my partner. He's afraid of changing himself and seems to be afraid of the changes I'm making. I'm still so sad about it all but I do feel better about myself. We'll see how I'm feeling after our talk today.
 
quite possibly this man is just not strong enough to be my partner
That is a great description! Not everyone has the strength to stand up to being a honest partner.
 
It's been such a long time since I last posted in my blog. I'm currently in a pretty good place in my life, both romantically and personally. I live with two great roommates and four crazy cats (two are mine and two are my roommate's).

Fairly recently my bf of a year and a half broke up, our relationship has never been better! 😹 We purposely seek each other out to spend time together and our sex life has improved greatly! I guess we just needed to be FWBs instead of something more committed.

I also have a casual partner that I've been seeing for about a year and a half. She and I get together about once a month or sometimes more often. We always enjoy each other's company.

And a couple of months ago I met a person that I am quite smitten with. I'm so deeply in NRE, I find it terribly distracting sometimes. I'm having so much fun with him and the best sex of my life right now!! He often tells his friends that he loves them and has started telling me that too. I'm not really comfortable reciprocating that sentiment quite yet though, but I am feeling big feelings. That could be (most likely is) NRE and so I'm trying to slow my roll a little bit, it's so hard though!

I'm also still actively dating and am super excited about a date I'm going out on tonight! More on that later!

Work is work. I was working at a brewery but unfortunately they had to downsize a bit, so i was laid off. I've been working back in the film industry, which pays well but the hours will kill you! I'm okay with it in the short term but I'm really looking forward to going back to 8 hour days

That's kind of an update about where I'm at right now, generally. I want to start posting here a bit more if I can, to try to process my feelings about life and relationships. I've always found this to be a supportive, helpful community and a good sounding board.
 
The date went well, we had a good time. Neither of us has gotten in touch with the other since though. I usually let others reach out to me but maybe this time I'll go out of my comfort zone and reach out to her.
 
since I'm really new to poly and found it interesting - can you advise if it's good to turn into it, or should learn more about it?
 
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