What words do you use - lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, something else?

I really like "Lilo".
I never use it on here-because it was an... "honored nickname" for a friend on here.
But the minute I read it, it touched my heart.

In real world I periodically describe both Maca and GG as my "lilo's".

(Life Love)
 
I believe that girlfriend and boyfriend originally were used for children who had a "special friend".
They were kinda like dating but too young to really do much than give each other a peck on the cheek and maybe talk about how they'd marry someday.

Since a lot of children kind of segregate according to gender, it would be somewhat common for a boy to only have one girl friend, and for a girl to have only one boy friend, and that would be their special friend.

I believe that later on, the term was used for adults either as a euphemism, or to "make fun" of the relationship and insinuate it wasn't serious or adult. Kind of a "baby" relationship, that hasn't yet developed into fiance or spouse.

Nowadays it's very common to date for years before getting married, and it's very common to date and never get married (even when you're with the same person(s)). But the term has entered common use so it makes sense to still use it since it's what other people understand.

Lover, on the other hand, being less "childish" in connotations, implies sex, which made it evolve for some people to mean sex only, which is obviously weird since "love" is in the word itself. As a result though, it still has some connotations of an affair or a partner you are not serious with but do have sex with.

I agree though that etymologically, lover makes more sense.
I actually know people who use "ladyfriend" instead of "girlfriend" to avoid the prepubescent undertones. Not sure if people also have a male adult equivalent.

EDIT: also, don't forget that while "boy" and "girl" now mean prepubescent children, it used to only mean unmarried males and females respectively. Probably another reason for them to be used for an unmarried relationship.
 
Yep, I don't use "lover" for the same reason. Although I do have sex with my husband, sex isn't an important part of any relationship for me. And I interpret a "lover" relationship as primarily sexual but not so deep emotionally (YMMV, of course), so I don't like it.

I call G my husband or partner (I usually see "partner" as "life partner" only, which is different from most poly people's usage of the term), and I call A and L my affectionate friends, special friends, or SOs. When I refer to all of them together, I say "my SOs". I really like the flexibility of "SO" because it covers all kinds of significant relationships.

Very strange and the complete opposite of how I see and use those words, but to each their own!~ ^_^
 
I believe that girlfriend and boyfriend originally were used for children who had a "special friend".
They were kinda like dating but too young to really do much than give each other a peck on the cheek and maybe talk about how they'd marry someday.

Since a lot of children kind of segregate according to gender, it would be somewhat common for a boy to only have one girl friend, and for a girl to have only one boy friend, and that would be their special friend.

I believe that later on, the term was used for adults either as a euphemism, or to "make fun" of the relationship and insinuate it wasn't serious or adult. Kind of a "baby" relationship, that hasn't yet developed into fiance or spouse.

Nowadays it's very common to date for years before getting married, and it's very common to date and never get married (even when you're with the same person(s)). But the term has entered common use so it makes sense to still use it since it's what other people understand.

Lover, on the other hand, being less "childish" in connotations, implies sex, which made it evolve for some people to mean sex only, which is obviously weird since "love" is in the word itself. As a result though, it still has some connotations of an affair or a partner you are not serious with but do have sex with.

I agree though that etymologically, lover makes more sense.
I actually know people who use "ladyfriend" instead of "girlfriend" to avoid the prepubescent undertones. Not sure if people also have a male adult equivalent.

EDIT: also, don't forget that while "boy" and "girl" now mean prepubescent children, it used to only mean unmarried males and females respectively. Probably another reason for them to be used for an unmarried relationship.

You captured my entire point and put it beautifully into 1 post!~ ^_^ Thank you!~ Thank you.~
 
I'm curious what people call their lovers -to others i mean. how do you introduce your primary or secondaries? what title do they have when you mention them casually to coworkers and acquaintances.

Is it lover? or boy/girlfriend? or husband/wife/spouse? partner? Is it a differant introduction when more than one of your partners is present? how do you respond to questions from people if more than one of your partners is present or they know your married but you introduce another partner?

what are your thoughts?

Interestingly enough my SO (for lack of a better term) and I struggle with this. Right now, there is only he and I, but we are open to possibilities. (We are both coming out of the same failed triad, and he his marriage.) We love each other deeply, but do not seem to share romantic love. (Honestly, I really never have. Forgive me, but I find the whole fairy tale love rather juvenile.) the most accurate description of our relationship is best friends. But that belies the depth of feeling for each other and the sexual component. It's been difficult for us to find one term that describes the nature of our relationship.

Lately, he has been referring to me as his playmate, which makes giggle.
 
Interestingly enough my SO (for lack of a better term) and I struggle with this. Right now, there is only he and I, but we are open to possibilities. (We are both coming out of the same failed triad, and he his marriage.) We love each other deeply, but do not seem to share romantic love. (Honestly, I really never have. Forgive me, but I find the whole fairy tale love rather juvenile.) the most accurate description of our relationship is best friends. But that belies the depth of feeling for each other and the sexual component. It's been difficult for us to find one term that describes the nature of our relationship.

Lately, he has been referring to me as his playmate, which makes giggle.

It is not uncommon for people to have this kind of relationship, I see love as a wonderful feeling I feel for some one every thing else is relative and subjective to those involved, but every one has their definition of "love".~
 
Terminology becomes important because so many terms are attached to the default societal view. I find myself struggling because I have a picture in my head or a feeling, but once I attach a label to it that is used by the society at large, the picture can get skewed. However, everyone still desires to communicate, so the basis has to begin somewhere.

Lately my SO and I have been discussing the term FWB. To us, the phrase has come to mean a friendship that exists because of the benefits. Nothing wrong with that, except that neither of us is built that way - and yet we have absolutely no issue with having sex with friends. Therefore we have turned the phrase around: benefits with friends. Changes the emphasis a bit.
 
In private, Prof is my lover, we agreed on that. Never discussed it with Kip.

I was taught to introduce people by the relationship and name eg. colleague Joe, work friend Eric, neighbour Sue, cousin Jane etc.

So, this label thing is a struggle, I am currently going with either just name or friend + name.

Like others said, if the person being introduced knows me well enough, then they know I have 2 lovers, so they only the need the name. If they don't know then "friend" will suffice.
 
In private, Prof is my lover, we agreed on that. Never discussed it with Kip.

I was taught to introduce people by the relationship and name eg. colleague Joe, work friend Eric, neighbour Sue, cousin Jane etc.

So, this label thing is a struggle, I am currently going with either just name or friend + name.

Like others said, if the person being introduced knows me well enough, then they know I have 2 lovers, so they only the need the name. If they don't know then "friend" will suffice.

I would never refer to some one I love as "just a friend", I would find that highly insulting and demeaning of our relationship to be "just a friend".~ I wouldn't mind calling them BOTH "my friend and lover".~
 
Correction: I would refer to them simply by their name.

I would not say "This is Prof he is just my friend". I have and would say, "This my friend, Prof."

Personally, I would be mortified if he introduced me to someone as his " lover".

I met a few of his friends at the pub this week, he introduced me as Atlantis, nothing else.

In my head he is my lover, I am his.

I also IMed Kip, he said similar, friend in public, lover and play partner in his head.

So we, meaning the 3 of us, are all in agreement. We have a few labels we use in our heads, those I will not repeat here:D and one we would use in public.

I think as long as you are in agreement with your partners then whatever works for y'all is best.
 
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I would never refer to some one I love as "just a friend", I would find that highly insulting and demeaning of our relationship to be "just a friend".~ I wouldn't mind calling them BOTH "my friend and lover".~
What's insulting to me is the phrase "just a friend", because it implies that friendships are inherently inferior to romance. Platonic friendships can be as significant as romantic relationships, and all my SOs are my friends first and foremost.

That said, since most people perceive friendships as lesser than romantic relationships, I'd prefer to refer to my SOs as "special friends" or "romantic/affectionate friends" to distinguish them from casual friends. But we wouldn't mind introducing each other as only "friends" to people who don't need to know the full details (e.g. people who we'll never meet again), because our relationship configuration is too complicated to explain. :D
 
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But we wouldn't mind introducing each other as only "friends" to people who don't need to know the full details (e.g. people who we'll never meet again), because our relationship configuration is too complicated to explain. :D

This, much better than I put it, thanks.
 
What's insulting to me is the phrase "just a friend", because it implies that friendships are inherently inferior to romance. Platonic friendships can be as significant as romantic relationships, and all my SOs are my friends first and foremost.

That said, since most people perceive friendships as lesser than romantic relationships, I'd prefer to refer to my SOs as "special friends" or "romantic/affectionate friends" to distinguish them from casual friends. But we wouldn't mind introducing each other as only "friends" to people who don't need to know the full details (e.g. people who we'll never meet again), because our relationship configuration is too complicated to explain. :D

I didn't consider that, thank you for helping me open my mind.~ ^_^

I guess I would consider every one my friend, because that's just the way I am I like to be friendly towards every one.~

When I find that some one who will love me back, I can finally call them my "lover" and not just call myself a "lover".~ :)
 
Defining "friend"

What a fascinating point to have reached in this thread. In some cultures, like in German-speaking parts of the world, the word "friend" is reserved for what Americans call "best friends." You might have a few, in your whole liftetime. People you pour your soul out to may be no more, in the language, than "good acquaintances." And that's not a slam! It means you only did it once, twice, a few times, but not... all the time.

The American use of "friend" comes from being "friendly," perhaps, but many Europeans see that as superficial small talk. (I disagree, but that's for another conversation.) For me, it highlights the role of implicit meaning in language - we've already heard different opinons on "lover," and now "friend" has nuance, as well. I love listening in on these conversations. Thanks, folks!
 
What a fascinating point to have reached in this thread. In some cultures, like in German-speaking parts of the world, the word "friend" is reserved for what Americans call "best friends." You might have a few, in your whole liftetime. People you pour your soul out to may be no more, in the language, than "good acquaintances." And that's not a slam! It means you only did it once, twice, a few times, but not... all the time.

The American use of "friend" comes from being "friendly," perhaps, but many Europeans see that as superficial small talk. (I disagree, but that's for another conversation.) For me, it highlights the role of implicit meaning in language - we've already heard different opinons on "lover," and now "friend" has nuance, as well. I love listening in on these conversations. Thanks, folks!
Yeah, I think "friend" in English is too broad. Someone you hardly talk to expect for saying "happy birthday" on Facebook once a year is a friend; someone you can take a bullet for is also a friend. Personally I prefer a stricter definition of "friend", not necessarily as strict as in those German-speaking cultures, but at least someone I share a deep connection with, someone I really enjoy spending time with, someone I'll miss if they move away, etc. Maybe it's because I'm super introverted and only need a few real friends. I'm not interested in shallow friendships, and some people who consider me a friend are only acquaintances in my mind.
 
The impact of titles on a relationship (romantic, business, or otherwise) is an interesting topic.

Titles are basically a short hand for quickly getting across a number of general assumptions. The assumptions aren't always identical for a title from one audience to another, but for frequently used titles there are a basic set which most people are aware of.

This is John, my __________:

Assumptions:
Boss - please don't say "fuck" in front of him because he can fire me
Buddy - we have some kind of hobby in common (football, hunting, fishing) and hang out socially on occasion
Boyfriend - we've been dating long enough to decide we want to make a go of it, we are exclusive romantically and sexually
Husband - we are legally married, plan to stay together the rest of our lives, probably will have kids, and are exclusive romantically and sexually​

We drop these titles to give everyone a basic idea of who this person is, how they relate to us personally, and to suggest how the audience might interact with them. It's not a perfect system, obviously, because the exact definitions of these terms are usually not discussed and they are pretty general.

When I bring someone out to meet my crew and I say "this is my friend, Carl", my friends can assume that I've vetted Carl, that he's not a complete idiot, and that I'd like for them to give him a break.

If on the other hand I say "this is Carl, we met online and I invited him to hang with us" this lets them know that I have *not* vetted Carl and that he's a wild card. If he turns out to be a jackass it's not my fault.

If I introduce IV to my friends as "my girlfriend, IV" unfortunately it provides them with a set of assumptions which are not all true. It's the same when someone asks me "do you have a girlfriend?"... they are not asking me if I have a partner in the way that *I* relate (which is an uncommon approach to put it mildly), they are asking me if I have a partner in the way that people *commonly* have partners. So while my answer to this question is "yes"... it's also kind of "no, not in the way you mean it"
 
Yeah, I think "friend" in English is too broad. Someone you hardly talk to expect for saying "happy birthday" on Facebook once a year is a friend; someone you can take a bullet for is also a friend. Personally I prefer a stricter definition of "friend", not necessarily as strict as in those German-speaking cultures, but at least someone I share a deep connection with, someone I really enjoy spending time with, someone I'll miss if they move away, etc. Maybe it's because I'm super introverted and only need a few real friends. I'm not interested in shallow friendships, and some people who consider me a friend are only acquaintances in my mind.

The only kind of "shallow" friendships to me are those based upon not being friendly simply for the sake of being friendly or wanting a friend, but those based upon "shallow" factors such as looks, status, and prestige.~ :)
 
The impact of titles on a relationship (romantic, business, or otherwise) is an interesting topic.

Titles are basically a short hand for quickly getting across a number of general assumptions. The assumptions aren't always identical for a title from one audience to another, but for frequently used titles there are a basic set which most people are aware of.

This is John, my __________:

Assumptions:
Boss - please don't say "fuck" in front of him because he can fire me
Buddy - we have some kind of hobby in common (football, hunting, fishing) and hang out socially on occasion
Boyfriend - we've been dating long enough to decide we want to make a go of it, we are exclusive romantically and sexually
Husband - we are legally married, plan to stay together the rest of our lives, probably will have kids, and are exclusive romantically and sexually​

We drop these titles to give everyone a basic idea of who this person is, how they relate to us personally, and to suggest how the audience might interact with them. It's not a perfect system, obviously, because the exact definitions of these terms are usually not discussed and they are pretty general.

When I bring someone out to meet my crew and I say "this is my friend, Carl", my friends can assume that I've vetted Carl, that he's not a complete idiot, and that I'd like for them to give him a break.

If on the other hand I say "this is Carl, we met online and I invited him to hang with us" this lets them know that I have *not* vetted Carl and that he's a wild card. If he turns out to be a jackass it's not my fault.

If I introduce IV to my friends as "my girlfriend, IV" unfortunately it provides them with a set of assumptions which are not all true. It's the same when someone asks me "do you have a girlfriend?"... they are not asking me if I have a partner in the way that *I* relate (which is an uncommon approach to put it mildly), they are asking me if I have a partner in the way that people *commonly* have partners. So while my answer to this question is "yes"... it's also kind of "no, not in the way you mean it"

Thank you for sharing that with us, Marcus.~ That was beautiful!~ ^_^
 
What's insulting to me is the phrase "just a friend", because it implies that friendships are inherently inferior to romance. Platonic friendships can be as significant as romantic relationships, and all my SOs are my friends first and foremost.

That said, since most people perceive friendships as lesser than romantic relationships, I'd prefer to refer to my SOs as "special friends" or "romantic/affectionate friends" to distinguish them from casual friends. But we wouldn't mind introducing each other as only "friends" to people who don't need to know the full details (e.g. people who we'll never meet again), because our relationship configuration is too complicated to explain. :D
What a fascinating point to have reached in this thread. In some cultures, like in German-speaking parts of the world, the word "friend" is reserved for what Americans call "best friends." You might have a few, in your whole liftetime. People you pour your soul out to may be no more, in the language, than "good acquaintances." And that's not a slam! It means you only did it once, twice, a few times, but not... all the time.

The American use of "friend" comes from being "friendly," perhaps, but many Europeans see that as superficial small talk. (I disagree, but that's for another conversation.) For me, it highlights the role of implicit meaning in language - we've already heard different opinons on "lover," and now "friend" has nuance, as well. I love listening in on these conversations. Thanks, folks!
Yup, this.

I very much hesitate calling someone a friend - instead of just a(n) "(good) acquaintance" - if there isn't a mutual bond of love between us, regardless of whether that love is purely platonic or something else; and I think that's one thing that social networks have badly diluted... IMO, noone in this world has hundreds or thousands of friends; if you've got five or six friends in your life, that life is in the truest sense of the word a splendidly fulfilled one. :)

So, I personally do not see a difference between a healthy partnership and "(best) friends with (whatever kind of) benefits"... describing R. and me as each other's best friends seems pretty much spot on.

(And yeah... native German speaker here.)
 
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