I have been in a traditional marriage for more than 20 years, to a man I dearly love. We have discussed polyamory many times over the last 20 years, but he is not sympathetic towards it. I am ashamed to admit that I have not been faithful. What's more, I find I no longer desire him sexually. I feel like a cheat asking you people for help, because I am not really in the right place. I am polyamorous, but only in spirit.
My problem is that someone with whom I had a wonderful loving friendship for more than 10 years, who was woven into my life in many different ways, both family- and work-related, totally altered the nature of our relationship several times over the last 3 years. He now seems to believe that friendship between us is not possible. I feel as though my heart has been torn out of my chest. I struggle to do anything and my children and husband are suffering because of that.
I keep thinking that it will get better, but for the last year I have been dependent on anti-depressants and counselling, and I am still having periods when I wish I were dead. I don't want to tell my husband because I am 90% sure that he will leave me, and 100% sure that he will feel even worse than I do now. I guess this is a good reason not to have secret loves, but apart from that, does anyone have any advice on how to get through this?
My problem is that someone with whom I had a wonderful loving friendship for more than 10 years, who was woven into my life in many different ways, both family- and work-related, totally altered the nature of our relationship several times over the last 3 years. He now seems to believe that friendship between us is not possible. I feel as though my heart has been torn out of my chest. I struggle to do anything and my children and husband are suffering because of that.
I keep thinking that it will get better, but for the last year I have been dependent on anti-depressants and counselling, and I am still having periods when I wish I were dead. I don't want to tell my husband because I am 90% sure that he will leave me, and 100% sure that he will feel even worse than I do now. I guess this is a good reason not to have secret loves, but apart from that, does anyone have any advice on how to get through this?