As forum regulars probably know, I am the poly hinge in a long distance "V" between my two monogamish partners. Jester and Boho used to be FWB years ago, but are no longer directly sexually or romantically involved with each other, although they are still very close friends.
So far, I have spent about one month in total with each partner in person - including four days in which all three of us were together mid-last year. During that time we were trying to figure out if we'd work as a triad, and as a consequence did a little exploring/playing together, but ultimately it didn't work out and we settled into our comfortable V.
A couple of months ago Boho was diagnosed with cancer and has since been undergoing treatment. Our polycule's next visit is scheduled for December when all three of us will be spending a few weeks together in a rented house (I'm travelling to their country). Boho will be nearing the end of her chemo treatment by then and her doctor has okayed the trip as long as she's up to it. She is super keen to go, despite the fact that she will most certainly be low on energy, immuno-compromised, and in some degree of physical discomfort.
My concern relates to how to navigate Boho's well-being when it comes to sexual intimacy, physical affection... and each dyads' privacy as it relates to intimacy during this time.
Obviously, since it will have been quite a long time since I've seen either partner in person, reconnecting intimately (in both a physical and emotional sense) will be a priority. There may be many things Boho will simply not be up for, physically/sexually or emotionally. I understand the reasons for this and certainly don't intend to pressure her into anything she's not feeling at the time.
That said, Jester and I will undoubtedly want to express our own love/desire/affection for each other physically. My question is how to achieve this in a way that is both fulfilling for he and I, and yet sensitive and mindful of Boho's differing needs and limited capacity for similar expression, given that she will be present the entire time?
Jester and I are conscious of the potential for unwittingly making Boho feel excluded or like a third wheel, and are actively seeking to avoid such a scenario. On the other hand, we do not wish to curtail our own physical expression of love to the extent that we're left yearning and unfulfilled after so long apart. (i.e. I spent time with Boho earlier this year, but not Jester.)
Prior to Boho's diagnosis, she and I had been exploring a D/s dynamic which we were both enjoying (but which probably won't be able to continue under present circumstances) and she, Jester and I had all agreed that during this upcoming trip, we'd see where things led naturally regarding physical expressions of affection and intimacy between the three of us (whether that would be limited to group hugs, cuddling and/or light petting... or may extend to group sex or even sex between Jester and Boho alone, had yet to be determined). However the plan was to discuss boundaries and limits closer to the trip, with an emphasis on trying to be inclusive without overstepping anyone's comfort zone this time around (i.e. things went somewhat awry last time we were all together).
Now everything seems up in the air and fraught with potential to cause inequity, jealousy/envy and hurt feelings. The problem is, I'm not really sure how to divide my attentions between my co-primaries in a "live and in person" scenario, especially under these circumstances. Moreover, I'm not really sure how to go about PDA when one partner will be have compromised immunity, without causing any party to feel neglected.
So far, I have spent about one month in total with each partner in person - including four days in which all three of us were together mid-last year. During that time we were trying to figure out if we'd work as a triad, and as a consequence did a little exploring/playing together, but ultimately it didn't work out and we settled into our comfortable V.
A couple of months ago Boho was diagnosed with cancer and has since been undergoing treatment. Our polycule's next visit is scheduled for December when all three of us will be spending a few weeks together in a rented house (I'm travelling to their country). Boho will be nearing the end of her chemo treatment by then and her doctor has okayed the trip as long as she's up to it. She is super keen to go, despite the fact that she will most certainly be low on energy, immuno-compromised, and in some degree of physical discomfort.
My concern relates to how to navigate Boho's well-being when it comes to sexual intimacy, physical affection... and each dyads' privacy as it relates to intimacy during this time.
Obviously, since it will have been quite a long time since I've seen either partner in person, reconnecting intimately (in both a physical and emotional sense) will be a priority. There may be many things Boho will simply not be up for, physically/sexually or emotionally. I understand the reasons for this and certainly don't intend to pressure her into anything she's not feeling at the time.
That said, Jester and I will undoubtedly want to express our own love/desire/affection for each other physically. My question is how to achieve this in a way that is both fulfilling for he and I, and yet sensitive and mindful of Boho's differing needs and limited capacity for similar expression, given that she will be present the entire time?
Jester and I are conscious of the potential for unwittingly making Boho feel excluded or like a third wheel, and are actively seeking to avoid such a scenario. On the other hand, we do not wish to curtail our own physical expression of love to the extent that we're left yearning and unfulfilled after so long apart. (i.e. I spent time with Boho earlier this year, but not Jester.)
Prior to Boho's diagnosis, she and I had been exploring a D/s dynamic which we were both enjoying (but which probably won't be able to continue under present circumstances) and she, Jester and I had all agreed that during this upcoming trip, we'd see where things led naturally regarding physical expressions of affection and intimacy between the three of us (whether that would be limited to group hugs, cuddling and/or light petting... or may extend to group sex or even sex between Jester and Boho alone, had yet to be determined). However the plan was to discuss boundaries and limits closer to the trip, with an emphasis on trying to be inclusive without overstepping anyone's comfort zone this time around (i.e. things went somewhat awry last time we were all together).
Now everything seems up in the air and fraught with potential to cause inequity, jealousy/envy and hurt feelings. The problem is, I'm not really sure how to divide my attentions between my co-primaries in a "live and in person" scenario, especially under these circumstances. Moreover, I'm not really sure how to go about PDA when one partner will be have compromised immunity, without causing any party to feel neglected.