Simultaneous NRE

Unless the new guy has something awesome going that is about to expire, and i cannot imagine what that could be if i were you, then this is someone i would um, WAIT a while before getting too involved with them. Unless you are down for some drama, mama.
 
Unless the new guy has something awesome going that is about to expire, and i cannot imagine what that could be if i were you, then this is someone i would um, WAIT a while before getting too involved with them. Unless you are down for some drama, mama.

So you are just confirming what I already said:

I am wary about getting started with him while he is in this state of confusion and upset. He said, he just wants to "get back in the saddle" ... I will see what happens in the coming weeks.

But thanks for looking out for me. It's disappointing, for sure, to have this development. He seems to understand why I feel cautious now.

BTW, I kinda hate calling people's life issues "drama" unless it's confirmed that they seek violent negative emotions and want to cause pain just for the fun or addiction of it. I do not think that is the case here, but again, I am being cautious.

In other news, Ginger and I have had good talks about his new interest, Mischa. As GG would say, I asked for "reassure" and got it a-plenty. Good thing is, Ginger is not one to say "I love you" much, but he's said it a few times since his date with her. Ha!

He came by yesterday and after our usual clinch (rawr), helped miss pixi hang shelves and a rod in the third bedroom, which is to be her dressing room, while I napped (still weak from being sick). Apparently that was a nice bonding time for them... after I got up and the job was completed, we 3 sat on the couch, and after a while Ginger started kissing her and it turned into a nice 3way makeout/grope session, which has not happened since New Years. Yay!
 
Yes, i am confirming what you said - after all i did read the whole thing but i am on the ipod so i could not be arsed to quote things - but with the caveat that "unless he has something awesome that is about to expire".

And as far as "drama" goes, i am using the term in a far less circumscribed and judgmental way than you would. I believe that anyone can "have drama", even if they are not the originator of it, and why would someone knowingly take that on unless they were getting something out of it that made it worthwhile.

So, go for it, if that be the case. I am not trying to tell you what to do.
 
Yeah, I know you're using it in the common 2013 way. It's just a pet peeve of mine. I find it's overused and can seem belittling of people's pain.

He called me a bit ago. Says his wife has been with her gf as long as they've been together. 17 years. Seems the gf wants to get married! Is all enamored of being in a lesbian marriage. Now, he likes this woman, they are friends. Why is she suddenly acting like a cowgirl? What would this do to their 3 kids, for his wife to move out, in with the gf, divorce and remarry? Wife is confused, and they've made a counseling appt.
 
As to whether I will "get something out of" this new person, well, I wouldn't have seen him at all if I didn't think he had potential. Will wait til things simmer down a bit more, they have a couple counseling sessions under their belt, etc.
 
And of course i didn't mean that in a gold-digging way, i meant it pragmatically. We all "get something" from our relationships, but people are often taught that it is noble to give, but to "get" ought to be at the discretion of the giver.
 
Mags, I think you and I often find ourselves in situations with men who need healing in various ways (relating/sexual/emotional) in their lives. It's that medicine woman/temple prostitute thing we've talked about, where we can give of ourselves so easily and men appreciate it, glom onto it, but then once the man is healed, he goes off on his way to live his life without us. So, I see nothing wrong with getting involved with someone who is a little broken or in need of whatever soothing/understanding/healing you can give, but as long as you protect yourself and not hope for him to stick around. KWIM?
 
Thanks Cindie. Yes, I am a nurturer/healer by nature, kids, gardens, animals, other adults, I am drawn to nourish and protect.

Nice thing about Ginger, despite his physical health issues, he is very strong emotionally and physically. Yes, he has allergies, yes, he got bit by a disease carrying tick 2 summers in a row. Otherwise, he is strong, stable, balanced, self aware. He calms MY anxieties!

More excitement around here. After a year and a half of eqilibrium, Ginger has the Mischa interest. Also, he is pursuing a man (he's so laid back, the pursuit is rather gentle), but their planned dates keep getting messed up and they keep missing each other. Happened again last night. He's frustrated. He's never been with a guy but really wants to be.

Adding to this, my little miss pixi... well, she's been Domming a guy her age online for 2 years and he's finally agreed to meet. He's here now, down in our girl cave, and he's nervous as hell. Goodness knows what they are doing down there... He didn't want to meet me, so I ran and hid in a bedroom when he rang our bell! hehe. I am going to go over to Ginger's in a bit. Subbie boy might be here til 5, and he got here at 11am.
 
Thanks Cindie. Yes, I am a nurturer/healer by nature, kids, gardens, animals, other adults, I am drawn to nourish and protect.

Nice thing about Ginger . . .

Yeah, I have the sense that Ginger is strong and someone who keeps going when faced with difficulties, etc., but I was actually thinking about the potential new guy who has a lot gong on with his wife and gf, when I wrote my previous post. Just saying that if you feel okay with expending that kind of energy now in your life, I see nothing wrong with going there as long as you don't expect to get too much back.
 
Yeah, I don't know how much I'd get from him other than good conversation and satisfying kinky sex.

Oh wait.

heh :p

This blog sure is living up to its name again, Simultaneous NRE. miss p's got it, I might develop it, Ginger says he never gets it but, he does. He just doesn't experience his emotions the way neurologically typical people do, so he thinks he doesn't have it for Mischa or the guy potential person, but it's there.

I've barely had time to think about my new person since miss p had her date with Subbie Boy yesterday, plus spending time with Ginger and hearing about his people. I like to hear details of my partners' new partners, because knowing more rather than less makes me feel more secure, but when I am getting details on 3 new people at once, yikes. Makes me feel kind of overwhelmed.

As we used to say on LI, it feels like Grand Central Station around here. I know it's a positive thing, both of them enjoying this rush of newness, and god knows I've been dating all along and they have been supportive of me, so I am trying hard to keep it in perspective. I am just not sure how to handle the overload. Even when I have sex with one or the other, I feel like I am absorbing both of their NRE overflows.

Yes, I've brought this up with both of them. I know and feel they both love me a lot. Still have to ride this wave.

I need to go out and breathe in nature to calm my nerves. Went to the beach on Saturday and took a long walk, and mowed the lawn yesterday.
 
I haven't heard from my new person in a week! We had our date on July 31, he called me on Aug 2nd. After a few days I figured he'd want/expect me to call him, so I did. He had told me to call anytime, he's always available in the evenings, so I called around 9PM, but it went straight to voicemail, didn't even ring. I left a message.

A couple days later I messaged him on okc saying I'd called, was he OK? No response. So... maybe shit is going down with his wife. I wish I knew. I wish he'd just shoot me a line on okc. The sucky thing is, he was on okc on Aug 6, and I msged him there on Aug 7, so it's not like he doesn't check there. He must've gotten an email notification I PMed him.

Yes, I know I sound like a 14 year old... *laughing at myself*

Maybe it's all for the best if he just drops out of sight.

In other news, I got more details about miss pixi's date with her Subbie Boy. Seems there was more touching than I'd first been aware of. That is fine, she enjoyed herself. Funny thing was, SB found it so overwhelming to be open to her, vulnerable in the fairly mild D/s they did, he left after an hour date. He's been messaging her ever since. He's never been so open to anyone as he is to her. It's very challenging for him.

Ginger has been unable to schedule another date with Mischa (she's so busy), and felt unmotivated to contact his male interest. Backburnered both while he adds a screen porch/shower to his cabin in the woods.

Meanwhile, it was my birthday. miss p took me on a whale watch out of Boston Harbor and then out for sushi afterwards! We had close encounters with 2 humpbacks. What a fantastic day! The following day was just as fun: Ginger took me on a lazy river canoe trip. We had the river to ourselves for hours, lots of privacy for a picnic on a bank and outdoor sex. One more perk of having 2 stable lovers-- 2 great birthday celebrations!
 
Well, miss p hasn't seen SB again... she's off to the camp she works at each summer.

Ginger hasn't seen Mischa again. His wife needed emergency surgery and he's been spending hours visiting her in the hospital as she recovers. His attentiveness is sweet.

And I finally heard from the guy I had a date with on July 31. After a couple cryptic messages yesterday about him just getting out of the hospital and feeling emotionally overwhelmed, today I got him to tell me he'd attempted suicide. I have spent today in a rather shocked state. :eek:

But I just knew he or a close family member must be in hospital or have died... he was too into me to have just stopped talking. Needless to say, he's not what I am looking for in a man, though I wish him well.
 
And I finally heard from the guy I had a date with on July 31. After a couple cryptic messages yesterday about him just getting out of the hospital and feeling emotionally overwhelmed, today I got him to tell me he'd attempted suicide. I have spent today in a rather shocked state. :eek:

But I just knew he or a close family member must be in hospital or have died... he was too into me to have just stopped talking. Needless to say, he's not what I am looking for in a man, though I wish him well.

Wow! That is shocking! Sorry to hear that! Wish you well as you move forward!
 
Thanks, Idealist. I've had a week to get used to the idea, but it's just made me more embittered towards dating. sigh...

miss pixi is back from camp and full of stories, and exhausted.

Ginger has a bad cold.

They found a tumor in the appendix that was removed from his wife along with 10" of large intestine. No immediate signs of it spreading, but she needs to see some specialists just to be sure.

Even though he was congested, Ginger and I went to a fab drum fest at a park on Saturday. Very good time, colorful people, delicious rhythms, and he was able to dance, and so did I.
 
miss pixi's energy for us, our house and home decorating, is back. Yay! We've been hanging shelves and mirrors and paintings.

Ginger's cold is gradually improving and his wife is healed enough to go back to her part time job for their town.

He is still trying to set up dates with Mischa and now this other woman, C. Frankly it bothers me a bit, since he has me, his wife, and my gf as a close friend/occasional makeout or sex partner already. Does he really need 5 women?

Well, he found out Mischa has tested pos for Herpes 1 and 2 today... he'd seen a cold sore on her mouth on their one date and so they didn't kiss. Maybe now sex is off the table. He's disappointed and she's upset.

I guess the other woman, C, is eager to meet but doesn't have a car, so it's up to him to drive to her and he's not feeling well enough yet.

Meanwhile, I was chatting online with an old friend who checks in with me every other month or so, and she asked about my dating life, and I told her about "New Person," the guy that tried to kill himself. I showed her his Fetlife profile which I had not checked since he attempted the suicide. I saw he mentioned a newspaper article about him, the attempt, and his subsequent struggles, and I read it. It reopened the trauma for me and I became all triggered again. It also gave a kind of closure... at least I know he really did it and wasnt just making up a weird story to stop dating me.

I'd been debating whether to just step away from the crazy, but I felt maybe talking to him would be more healing for me. This morning I saw him sign on to okc, so contacted him and we PMed back and forth and I got more of his story, about his wife, her gf, how he and his wife are separating, how his meds are ramping up, etc.

sigh... I need a long walk on a beach or something.

I am totally off meeting anymore new people. Sex and fun are great, but lately all I get is their fuckedupness and troubles in my face.
 
I've been feeling very upset about Ginger dating these 2 new women. He's got a date set up with Mischa for next Wed (4 days from now), despite her herpes diagnoses. And today he is seeing his newest potential, C, first date, for a day out walking around in her city. There are 2 events they will wander about in.

I even had a terrible nightmare last night about Ginger and C. I was freaking out violently in the dream, having seen photos of them having sex. Ugh. I woke up out of the dream all out of breath.

I am feeling distant and unbonded with Ginger. Even though we've had some fun this summer, it's also been rife with illnesses and missed connections.

First I had a month long sinus infection. Then he was hospitalized for the anaplasmosis from the tick bite. Then his wife needed surgery on her gut. Then he got a cold as severe a my sinus infection.

Meanwhile miss p was out of town for a week in both July and August, and had emotions around both trips she needed to deal with.

Then I have one date with a guy who tries to kill himself 4 days after our date. Also Ginger has had 3 new people he has dated, or tried to, this summer! One guy, 2 women.

I brought up to him the other day when I visited him how I thought him having 5 women was too much (his wife, me, miss p, Mischa and C). All he did was say he liked variety, like one doesn't want to eat only one food. I said, it's all well and good to like variety, but there's this issue of relationship maintenance. I feel like just one of a harem now. A revolving door or conveyor belt of pussy for him, and I am just one of them. Yuck. I said, "I don't feel special," and it didn't help when he replied, "You are all special."

A few days ago miss p and I were running an errand in his town, and I said, do you want to just drop by on Ginger so you can see his new porch? So we did and found him at home. So we were out on the porch, Ginger and I standing there with our arms around each other, and miss p sitting on the bench. We chatted, he told her details of the building process, etc.

Then we went inside his cabin and suddenly he reached out, grabbed miss p and gave her a solid kiss. He let her up for air, and said, "All I've been wanting to do since you got here was that."

Man, that hurt. He had his arm around me and all he wanted to do was grab and kiss miss p? Fuck.

Any sympathy or advice from anyone reading this would be appreciated.
 
I am sorry, Mags.

The guy who tried to commit suicide had plenty of shit going on before you entered his life. I would imagine that you were one of the bright spots on what was probably a dark path. That has to be hard.

You have every right to be concerned about all the women, dates, and the new Herpes diagnosis of Mischa's. Precautionary measures for everyone might have to change. Are there plans to discuss this if he becomes intimate with her?

You guys have not had much time together, and now, he is adding more people which means time will be cut. That does nothing to allay the feeling of disconnect. Is that leaving you wondering, "Where do I fit in?" I cannot speak for anyone else, but if my quality time had been at a standstill due to illnesses and health issues on both sides, I would want to spend time with the people already in my life. I would not go and get involved in two more relationships with double the NRE.

Five relationships without proper maintenance is overkill, IMO. If the needs are already not being met, it makes no sense to add more. There are only so many hours in the day, and it would not tickle my fancy to be 1 of 5 and told that I am one of the special ones. I like knowing that there is something special about me. I agree with your decision to bring it up to him, and could his response have been a little better? Big time.

The situation with miss p. Whoa. There is no way I would have taken that in stride. That had to hurt. Is he just that out of tune with your feelings and being mindful of what he says? What was miss p's reaction after the fact. I am sure it surprised her.

I am really sorry you are hurting. Sending hugs your way. You have a lot going on and feelings that need to be processed. Take some time away from Ginger and figure out if you want to be one of many or if the relationship needs to transition. Figure out if there is a way to reconnect and get that closeness back. I am not sure if you can get away and spend some time alone, but if so, please do it. It is no fun stressing yourself out. Personally, I think clearer when I am alone and have had time to figure out what I need and why I am feeling a certain way.
 
I am sorry, Mags.

Thanks, Ry, for taking the time to read and write.


The guy who tried to commit suicide had plenty of shit going on before you entered his life. I would imagine that you were one of the bright spots on what was probably a dark path. That has to be hard.

Yeah... thing is, I've got a mentally ill daughter who had made 4 or 5 attempts and so it's really triggering.

You have every right to be concerned about all the women, dates, and the new Herpes diagnosis of Mischa's. Precautionary measures for everyone might have to change. Are there plans to discuss this if he becomes intimate with her?

Yes, well, he's told me he probably "won't become her lover" because of this. But he does wish he could be her lover! And vice versa. So even if it doesnt work out physically, there is this longing... and then here I am healthy and fuckable, feeling sidelined somehow.

You guys have not had much time together, and now, he is adding more people which means time will be cut. That does nothing to allay the feeling of disconnect. Is that leaving you wondering, "Where do I fit in?" I cannot speak for anyone else, but if my quality time had been at a standstill due to illnesses and health issues on both sides, I would want to spend time with the people already in my life.

He was here tonight and we had a very frustrating conversation about that. He seems to feel the exact opposite. I get the feeling its life affirming to him to pick up the apples the desirable woman trees drop, maybe even more so when there is strife? And he's 60. If that is the way he is, I know damn well he's not gonna change now.

I would not go and get involved in two more relationships with double the NRE.

A reminder he has Asperger's. A mild case, but it does get in the way when discussing emotions, needs, desires. He claims to not get NRE at all.

Five relationships without proper maintenance is overkill, IMO. If the needs are already not being met, it makes no sense to add more. There are only so many hours in the day, and it would not tickle my fancy to be 1 of 5 and told that I am one of the special ones. I like knowing that there is something special about me. I agree with your decision to bring it up to him, and could his response have been a little better? Big time.

Yes, very frustrating. I was feeling more deeply in love the earlier part of the summer, but these last few weeks, I feel the bond is lessening! I hope it's just temporary. I hope it's less him and his behaviors and more just all the stresses of illnesses and injuries of all kinds and if I can just keep my shit together, we will rebalance.

The situation with miss p. Whoa. There is no way I would have taken that in stride. That had to hurt. Is he just that out of tune with your feelings and being mindful of what he says? What was miss p's reaction after the fact. I am sure it surprised her.

At this point, we've pretty much decided it was a social faux pas, perhaps because of his Aspergers.

I am really sorry you are hurting. Sending hugs your way. You have a lot going on and feelings that need to be processed. Take some time away from Ginger and figure out if you want to be one of many or if the relationship needs to transition. Figure out if there is a way to reconnect and get that closeness back. I am not sure if you can get away and spend some time alone, but if so, please do it. It is no fun stressing yourself out. Personally, I think clearer when I am alone and have had time to figure out what I need and why I am feeling a certain way.

Well miss p and I had a beach date yesterday which helped a bit. Ginger has been trying, in IM and today in person, to find out what he can do to help me feel more secure, knowing he isn't going to give up on these 2 women just for me. So far we haven't figured out how to make me feel better. :(

He did help miss p install a signal booster for our cell phone service today. (Somehow I get decent reception on my phone here, but his and miss p's don't.) Acts of service seems to be a way he likes to show love.
 
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Ugh, Mags, that sucks. Is it that he just does not comprehend how his actions affect you? Is this a personality issue? Or is he acting out in some way as an escape from something? I don't know, but I think you need to keep talking to him and find out what is going on that he suddenly seems so distant and inconsiderate.

I think what probably hurts most (if I were in your shoes), is not so much that he wants another lover or two, but how he sprang it on you without talking about what he wanted beforehand, seeing how you felt about it, etc. Then he just goes ahead and makes plans. So, of course you don't feel special!

Do you clear it with him before you date other guys? My sense is that he is probably has the attitude of "It's all good, whatever you want to do." So, he doesn't get that you need to be treated with a lot more sensitivity than he needs.

He isn't responsible for your reaction and upset feelings, but keep talking to him, and let him know how upset you are, and how tender you feel about it. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to slow down a bit and/or to make sure he spends more time with you. You moved to your new home to be close to him, after all!
 
Hi Indie, we posted at the same time.

Yeah, I've been trying to date others ever since he and I met. I mean just before we met, I had just started up with the Gentleman and the Hottie... as Ginger reminds me. But I only had 3 dates with the Hottie before he went mono with his other gf, and, tho I continued with the Gentleman for 7 months, as soon as I met Ginger I saw Gentleman less, because he was nowhere near as right for me as Ginger.

Since then I've only met 2 other guys, had one date each and it didn't work out. One was a year ago. One was in July this year.

Ginger reminds me he started chatting Trish soon after he and I met. I didn't hear much about her til this summer as she had, I think, 2 other loves who have both now been broken up with. So she and Ginger didn't actually meet this this July.

This other woman, C, seemed to come out of the blue very suddenly. Thing is, I'd probably like her. She's smart and bubbly, fun, reads a lot, and loves Eddie Izzard. Yesterday after her date with Ginger, she messaged me to talk about Eddie! I wrote back.

Funny thing is, today Ginger told me that he met her in her city at the event there because she told him she'd be there with friends. So, it was just a very casual friend meet thing, not a one on one date! She had her bff with her the whole time. It took him a while to find her and they only ended up being together for half an hour! He said there weren't a lot of sparks and he doesn't know when they will see each other again. She's 46 and doesn't drive! Neither does her husband.
 
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