Derbylicious
New member
Why does there only have to be one way to be a dominant woman? And why if you are dominant would you have to be dominant in every aspect of your life? I would think that would just end up wearing you out!
So I have been reading up on dominant women, of which I thought I was until I read... What I have been reading is more in general how dominant women can be identified a certain way such as the bitchy one at the office, or the woman that has to control everyone and everything and it just doesn't fit me. I am not that woman...
Is it my poly that just doesn't fit the D/s roles for me or me that doesn't fit the dom role correctly. Or am I missing something here?
Being dominant certainly doesn't mean you need to be bitchy. Actually I'd think the bitchy ones are those who don't have the presence and need the bitching.
Not to mention, being dominant in the bedroom doesn't have to be reflected anywhere else. There is no reason to treat everybody the way you treat your sexual partners.
YES MA'AM! I was thinking that too. EXHAUSTING, as if as mothers we don't have enough work!I would think that would just end up wearing you out!
Excellent post! I TOTALLY agree with you, Annabel!Being a dom has nothing to do with being a bitch/asshole. In fact, I think to be a really good dom you have to be extra-sensitive to other people's needs and feelings... that way, you know just how to manipulate and torture them WHEN YOU'RE SCENING... and it helps you be a better friend and partner in other ways the rest of the time.
Whoever wrote that is just plain wrong. . . . Being a dom has nothing to do with being a bitch/asshole. In fact, I think to be a really good dom you have to be extra-sensitive to other people's needs and feelings... that way, you know just how to manipulate and torture them WHEN YOU'RE SCENING
Frankly, there is a lot more to life than poly and I am content to be settled in and doing other things. Does that make me less poly? I dunno... I wonder.
*****
If its enough, its enough and rather than continuing to clamor for more that I can't fit in anyway, then it makes me think that poly isn't for me... I guess because those I see around me are clamoring it seems and are poly... ? Poly seems to be a lot about clamoring... clamoring to understand, be accepted, to find others, etc....
I don't clamor to "get" anything right now, so it makes me feel un-poly. I feel accepted, understood, have found others.... its all good. In a sense, poly in the clamoring sense of it, is not for me.
I totally get why when a tribe settles in they disappear off the radar. It becomes so unimportant that I identify as poly and so much more important that I just get about the business of living that I become uninterested in paying attention to my community.
Thanks Sourgirl, I highlighted what resonated the most. It is largely what people see and I resent that right now. As much as I love newbies, or at least newer than me, I resent the controlling of what I feel and think my poly is. I also resent the patting of each other's backs when everyone uses the right words and comes to the same place. I realize that everyone is figuring it out for themselves and is in a different place than me, but it drives me crazy when they put their shit on others, not that I don't do that also sometimes.My sentiments exactly. I don`t clamour, or handle things the way many seem to. Others trying to force-feed me their brand of life, had me bitter.
My compassion had come to a stand-still.
Pulling myself away, and back,... I am finding my compassionate side again. That is important to me. I much prefer being my well-rounded self.
I don`t know what to tell you about the 'poly' label. For me, it is a label I have come to currently reject.
People will tell you, that you are 'poly' based on what they SEE, and those physical actions upholding their own beliefs.
However, I think it`s something you have to feel akin to deep inside. What does poly mean to you ? What is the unshakable truth that lies in you ?
I think it is ok to NOT identify as anything. If you feel your relationships are as a normal family, and possibly resent the 'zoo' like peering through, from others, it makes sense to need a break from that. (This thought is hard to put to words, please forgive.) The very basic truth is you are a family. you love, you live, you have ups and downs. being cast as different can get old. Maybe you are feeling that ? There is nothing wrong with dropping a label. Especially if it makes you feel you have to 'uphold' some greater good for others.
All rambling aside,..sometimes we just need to look after ourselves, and our loves. Live life without over-thinking it. Fuck the rest for awhile.
yes I see that. The storm is in metaphorically, I await it blowing out at this point. Bed seems like a good idea. Taking a sick day was the best choice ever!There's a storm blowing in, I wonder if you can find a window near the water to watch it. (A literal storm by the way...)
Thanks for this. I am a good dom by your standard thenWhoever wrote that is just plain wrong. One of my lovers, Harry, is an amaaaazing dom, just great at getting into your head and giving you almost-but-not-quite more than you can take, very commanding and nefarious and sexily cruel. And when he's not in that role he's just the nicest guy you could imagine, very helpful and considerate. He's Canadian, for goshsakes!
Being a dom has nothing to do with being a bitch/asshole. In fact, I think to be a really good dom you have to be extra-sensitive to other people's needs and feelings... that way, you know just how to manipulate and torture them WHEN YOU'RE SCENING... and it helps you be a better friend and partner in other ways the rest of the time.
I don't, I just figure I should always be questioning myself and what descriptive words I use. It occurred to me that I really hadn't thought what the term means, just what I think it doesn't mean.RP, why precisely would you give a shit what other people think a Dominant woman is?
Yes, this ten times over, although if I run across people who don't fit this with me, it doesn't work in terms of any deep meaningful relationship. Sad huh? At least I find it sad. I don't trust enough to submit to anyone.I'm not GG's Dom because I "act like it". I'm his Dom, because it's always been that way NATURALLY for us and it fits, something in him naturally submits to something in me that naturally steps up to take charge. Key word-take charge, not "control".
It was about personality traits. I shouldn't have started there. It really threw me for a loop. Although it lead me to think why there is a difference between personality traits and BDSM relationships and kink. I thought they would be similar. Interesting.I got the sense from RP's post about that book that it wasn't written about D/s but about dominance as a personality trait. I thought that maybe she was taking what it said and looking at it through the context of her experience in BDSM - but maybe I'm wrong. Hey, RP, what book was it, btw? Maybe someone else here has read it and can offer another opinion of the stance it takes.