You ask her to do inclusive, considerate behaviors. You spell it out so she knows what behaviors
you find inclusive and considerate. Not just for her to TALK to you and SAY inclusive/considerate words, but to DO inclusive, considerate action behaviors.
She either will do them or not. But you have ASKED and put it out there.
I cannot tell where you are at in your process at this time and what you are willing/able to take on board or not.
Could you be willing to bullet list the remaining things you need feedback on at this point in time?
Because the original post has been covered. People gave you feedback, you have decided "wait and see" as you course of action.
Of course I'd like to have sex more than 2-3 times a month, but is that truly an indicator that I'm being used? Honestly, I'd like some perspective on that.
At this time, you do not seem willing to consider that (loving words) and (sex with you) could be transactional for her and perhaps she enjoys you for the stuff you provide and not so much you for you. The whole sex bit
in this post -- that's all "damsel in distress" to me. It's a turn off to me. If that stuff turns you on, that is your biz.
I note she tells you her medical condition limits her ability to share sex with you while
also she tells you it is easier for her to share sex with people she does not love.
That makes no sense. A physical medical condition would limit her ability to share sex with anyone, not just you. If her sex share time is limited and she rather spend it on people she doesn't love? That's her behavior. Her behavior meets your needs or not. Right now? Not. You are unhappy with your frequency of sex. If you desire more sex in your life, and this the normal frequency you can expect with her? You could think about moving on to another partner. Or giving up the want for more sex. Or masturbate more. Or something else. Up to you how you want to address your sex needs. She cannot be forced to share sex.
To ask her for her ETA is not babysitting. It is looking out for YOU so you aren't left hanging for a decade. It doesn't have to be forced. You can ASK.
A: Could you be willing to tell your potential I exist?
B: Yes
A: Could you be willing to give me an ETA on that so I can know when to expect a check in with you?
B: Between X and Y weeks. If sooner than Y, I will check in with you. If Y weeks pass, and I do not check in, YOU check in with me and I will give you a status update.
A: Fair enough. We're good to go.
Then you wait amd let her own it. She delivers or not within her timeframe.
At this time you seem unwilling to ask her for an ETA. So don't.
If you feel like soul searching -- you could ask yourself
- What makes it hard in your willingness?
- What makes it hard in your ability?
- Is it something she does in her behavior that makes her hard to approach for conversation?
- Do you fear something will happen if you initiate conversation? What?
If you don't feel like it at this time? Don't.
I realize that I'm terrible at being alone and am giving more than I should to keep things going, but even the thought of being without her makes me sad.
If being in this relationship serves you because it keeps sadness at bay, and you are not willing to experience sadness at this time?
You are willing to pay the price of admission -- both pros and cons (providing all this stuff for all these people, receive some loving words, receive some "family" vibe, unsatisfying sex life, etc) -- to avoid processing sadness? That is your biz.
I rather process single load sadness, than (whatever the side trip costs emotionally) and then back to the (original sadness). Double load is more work to me.
You are you. You choose how you want to navigate through this recent post-divorce period of your life.
You have planned "wait and see" as your next course of action. Unless you want to revisit a convo with her to modify the "wait and see" with an ETA, then I guess you just "wait and see" indefinitely until something moves you to do something else.
There really isn't any other feedback people can offer you. You have set your course.
Namaste,
Galagirl