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  #71  
Old 07-31-2018, 04:22 AM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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Default Not always

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Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
Something to consider... Every single person I know who has ended a relationship with someone they loved because another person they loved demanded it has ended up leaving the one who demanded the original break up. So, if you leave your bf because of your husband then nothing changes, what's going to keep your resentment from building up to the point that your marriage explodes anyway?
That's how it usually is, but not always. I'm a testament to that. Illness and disability changes things. My poly ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years ultimately ended our relationship due to the struggles of his also poly partner who after MANY years of BOTH being actively open and loving other partners decided I was a threat, which I was not. I understood the rules of engagement but she's also chronically ill and with that illness comes fear and insecurity and a need to feel safe and secure.

In consideration of her, not wanting to inflict on her further pain than what her debilitating illness was already causing her, he ended our relationship which crushed us both.

I don't know how healthy their relationship is now as we only talk occasionally still with pangs of love, affection, hurt and loss several years later, and we never speak of her but I know he did what he felt was right for her and I respect that. Him leaving her was never an option, for either of us.

Love isn't always about orgasms and sex, albeit very important to many , including myself, but rather doing what you feel is the greater good for the relationship you envision in your future.

As a former Secondary, I feel for the boyfriend, I really do and I hate that he would have to be discarded due to the insecurity of the husband as I've felt like the disposed playtoy and that really does suck. I felt all of those horrible emotions and hurt in ways I never dreamed possible but relationships end all the time. Not everyone who has a place in your life now has a place in your life in the future.

As parents, as partners, as employees, as friends, as siblings, etc, we make choices, some aren't easy but all we can do is try our best and ensure that our priorities remain priority.

Good Luck!

Last edited by newtoday; 07-31-2018 at 04:42 AM.
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  #72  
Old 07-31-2018, 03:59 PM
Gemma Gemma is offline
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My husband and I had a very positive first counseling session last Saturday so weíll see how this weeks go. My husband agreed he knows he contracticts himself and is a bit of a devils advocate. We are working on figuring out what he wants in all of this.

My bf and I are still on a sexual break but still see each other once a week.
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  #73  
Old 07-31-2018, 04:21 PM
Gemma Gemma is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoday View Post

Love isn't always about orgasms and sex, albeit very important to many , including myself, but rather doing what you feel is the greater good for the relationship you envision in your future.

As a former Secondary, I feel for the boyfriend, I really do and I hate that he would have to be discarded due to the insecurity of the husband as I've felt like the disposed playtoy and that really does suck.
Good Luck!
Thank you for sharing your experience with me!

I agree love isnít always about orgasms and sex. It is important to me obviously because thatís what made me seek out an open relationship. However, I have a great deal of love and respect for my boyfriend. The thought of me not being in his life anymore makes me hurt for him and me. My boyfriend suffers from depression and has Aspergers and I know he cherishes our relationship as do I.

Thankfully my husband doesnít want to toss a 16 year friendship away. We are all going to work on this.
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