Okay, so I'm having a problem. The problem is that I'm jealous, and I can't seem to turn it off. But the situation is a bit complicated -- so generic lists of advice don't work, because it's not a generic situation.
I've had some sorta Special Thing with a friend, L, for almost two years now. We started hooking up and spending TONS of time together, and I immediately wanted to date them, but they thought they might be aromantic and generally didn't want a relationship at the time. Perfectly fine, I put my feelings away as best I could. But throughout the year and a half or so, we were EXTREMELY close. We kept talking about how eventually we should have a "what are we" conversation, which never happened, and later we agreed that if we HAD had that conversation we would've ended up Dating.
Then some complicated stuff happened that put a strain on our relationship, and we're in a Healing sorta phase. We are friends, and we're working on getting back to how things were.
But....they also just started Dating someone, O -- and they are absolutely poly, have acknowledged that they'd be happy to have some sorta cute thing with O and also with me -- but we're not there yet, we're not Dating. O is a friend of mine as well, and I do like them! But I'm starting to have a really rough time... L and O are in a Honeymoon phase; they are so ridiculously happy together and always acting cutesy and such. I'm happy for them, honestly! But it also keeps upsetting me, because it's like I've been replaced. I've been demoted from Extremely Special Person standing, it feels like -- in actions, and with no title of any sort to back it up. When I'm somewhere with O and L shows up, L goes right to O and cuddles up next to them and kisses them and such. I'm not ignored, but they're not so outwardly happy to see me or anything either. I hate that it upsets me, but it does. It's like...if they were treating O differently from me, all happy and Honeymoon-y, but I was also their Boyfriend, I wouldn't be upset. I would understand that they're in the Honeymoon phase, and we had that too, and we're over it. But that I'm still important. But I don't have even that.
They have expressed that I am still very important, and when we do spend time just the two of us they are kissy and cuddly and lovey with me too! But when O is around.... I get kinda pushed aside. But the thing is, I'm NOT their Boyfriend, so I don't think I have a place to say "hey, I'm jealous, can you please give me attention too?" -- especially because some of our Problems are around me dumping feelings on them too much, etc. I want to handle this by myself. But it's getting really difficult to hang out with L, because they often invite O along, and then I'm upset. And in general, when the two of them are in the same place, or when L ditches me to go hang out with O....I get really upset. But I don't want to!!! I'm so happy for them!!!! And L doesn't owe me anything!!!! But I can't seem to turn off my jealousy!!!! Help!!!!!!!!
I've had some sorta Special Thing with a friend, L, for almost two years now. We started hooking up and spending TONS of time together, and I immediately wanted to date them, but they thought they might be aromantic and generally didn't want a relationship at the time. Perfectly fine, I put my feelings away as best I could. But throughout the year and a half or so, we were EXTREMELY close. We kept talking about how eventually we should have a "what are we" conversation, which never happened, and later we agreed that if we HAD had that conversation we would've ended up Dating.
Then some complicated stuff happened that put a strain on our relationship, and we're in a Healing sorta phase. We are friends, and we're working on getting back to how things were.
But....they also just started Dating someone, O -- and they are absolutely poly, have acknowledged that they'd be happy to have some sorta cute thing with O and also with me -- but we're not there yet, we're not Dating. O is a friend of mine as well, and I do like them! But I'm starting to have a really rough time... L and O are in a Honeymoon phase; they are so ridiculously happy together and always acting cutesy and such. I'm happy for them, honestly! But it also keeps upsetting me, because it's like I've been replaced. I've been demoted from Extremely Special Person standing, it feels like -- in actions, and with no title of any sort to back it up. When I'm somewhere with O and L shows up, L goes right to O and cuddles up next to them and kisses them and such. I'm not ignored, but they're not so outwardly happy to see me or anything either. I hate that it upsets me, but it does. It's like...if they were treating O differently from me, all happy and Honeymoon-y, but I was also their Boyfriend, I wouldn't be upset. I would understand that they're in the Honeymoon phase, and we had that too, and we're over it. But that I'm still important. But I don't have even that.
They have expressed that I am still very important, and when we do spend time just the two of us they are kissy and cuddly and lovey with me too! But when O is around.... I get kinda pushed aside. But the thing is, I'm NOT their Boyfriend, so I don't think I have a place to say "hey, I'm jealous, can you please give me attention too?" -- especially because some of our Problems are around me dumping feelings on them too much, etc. I want to handle this by myself. But it's getting really difficult to hang out with L, because they often invite O along, and then I'm upset. And in general, when the two of them are in the same place, or when L ditches me to go hang out with O....I get really upset. But I don't want to!!! I'm so happy for them!!!! And L doesn't owe me anything!!!! But I can't seem to turn off my jealousy!!!! Help!!!!!!!!