... I have never gotten the “Do you all sleep in the same bed?” question... perhaps because I do not cohabit with any partners other than my husband. I have gotten the, “Do you and your husband and boyfriend do group sex?” question from a poly-curious date (who was likely just looking for an opportunity to tell me about his experience having a foursome).
Like you, despite having been practicing poly for 10 years, I have never been asked if my live-in partner and I "sleep" in the same bed with any of our other partners. But then, we don't live together.
To the OP, this is your first question on our board, and it's a little... prurient? And it's actually
not a common question to be asked by complete strangers who find out one is poly. Most everyone I know, knows I am poly, and strangers don't get to find out I'm poly until I know them well enough to know they won't pry and ask weird uncomfortable questions. Are you legit so bothered by this question, so often, and it's so annoying, you come in here just to ask us this?
The common weird question that I get from mono people, though, is “Does your boyfriend know you are married?” I always answer politely but in my head I’m always like WTF? Of course he knows I am married! What kind of “ethical” non-monogamy would I be practicing if my partners didn’t know about each other’s existence?
One of the most common questions I get asked by horny Neanderthals on dating sites is, "Do you and your gf share boyfriends?" In other words, "If I date/fuck you, do I get 2 for the price of one? Do I somehow magically get to fuck your gf, who has never met me, and I have never met her, and yet somehow she's so horny and so non-discriminating, she'll fuck anyone her partner brings home? Is she like me? Because I will fuck anything with a vagina. Will she fuck anything with a penis?"
You wish, horny boy, you just wish. *rolleyes*
I
never get asked questions by casual acquaintances in the neighborhood, who do you "sleep" with? I
never get asked, do you and your gf have sex with the same person?
There are a few people here who do have live-in V's. Some of them have blogs here that I read. I have never seen them to complain about being asked this question, "Do you and your partners all share a bed/share sex?" Not by casual acquaintances. Only by prospective dating partners who are maybe legit worried they will be asked to have 3some sex with another dude they've never met, and they are scared.
Kevin shares a home with his F partner and his M meta. He has his own room.
Bluebird shares a home with her 2 husbands. Each guy has his own room and she goes back and forth between them for sleep or sex or whatever, on a rotating schedule. Occasionally she's had a 3rd non-live-in bf and he gets added to the schedule, at his own place.
I think it would only be comfortable to share a bed and sex (3 people, all together, every night) if you were in a true and healthy triad where all 3 partners were romantically involved. Even then, I'm sure there would be times when 2 were horny and wanted sex, and so the third partner would opt to spend at least part of the night in another room or bed. Or one partner was sick and would go off. Or one partner was out of town and each of the others wanted space for whatever reason.
There are many many
mono couples who do not share a bed. For whatever reason. Often it's health reasons; snoring or apnea, for example. Sometimes they don't have sex anymore and want more independence for sleeping too. Very often when kids come along, the mother will sleep with the baby and dad will go elsewhere for sleep to be able to be rested enough to go to work. Or if a 2nd baby comes along, the mother will sleep with the newborn and the father will sleep with the toddler or preschooler. Etc., etc. (People don't like to admit they share sleep with their kids. But they do! It's human nature.)
I don't (literally) sleep with my partner every night. She has another relationship and goes to his place 1-2 nights a week. So I get to spread out and enjoy the peaceful bed. She's sometimes a restless sleeper and sometimes, even if she's here, she might go to the couch, or I might.
When I've had a bf spend the night here, he sleeps in the guest room. Usually I'll spend the night with him, but sometimes I don't. I just sleep with my gf as usual.