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Old 04-17-2019, 05:35 PM
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Valynn Valynn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 105

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Valynn, do you live with Angela and JR?

I'm hoping you don't. You say you're solo poly, and have another partner, so I assume you live alone and host that other partner at your place?
No, I currently live with my mother, but my son just got out of the Navy and we are going to get a place together in the future. I do not bring anyone home. We go to motels or, in the case of my other partner, play at overnight medieval events.

I hear that you and Angela both are entrepreneurs with handmade products, and you set up at events together to sell your wares. You and JR were attracted to each other 8 years ago, but couldn't date because of work rules.

Now, you're good friends and more or less business partners with Angela. And all of a sudden you get more deeply involved with both. Not just friends, not just business partners, but lovers.
I do have a soapmaking business. Angela works pharmacy retail in a chain drug store and does her art on the side. But yes we do work together at events.

Angela and I worked together at a small gaming store from 2009 til it closed in 2012. We became friends then. I personally think we are business partners, Angela doesn't. She feels that she does her art as a hobby.

Yes, It was totally out of the blue how we all got together. We had been all flirting with one another for years. I think it became stronger when I kissed both of them passionately as the ball dropped on NYE. Then the next month Angela asked if I wanted to use their extra room as a crafting room for my business. I accepted. That same night we were playing D&D and drinking. And I jokingly said this could become strip D&D. They both said ok .......need I say more?

And yet, Angela has reproductive surgery and can't have sex for a while, but you and JR (being in a long awaited place of finally able to have sex) go ahead and have frequent sex while Angela is out of commission.
Correct. Angela had her emergency reproductive surgery in early March.

Angela may be a nice person, and you may get along great. But maybe you two relate well because you BOTH have low self esteem and weak boundaries. She has told JR she's not worthy of a relationship with HIM. And now she's going along with a so-called triad because she still feels unworthy of love from anyone, so goes against her own desires of monogamy, to keep JR, and have you as a sex partner too.
She has told both JR & I that she feels unworthy of us (singularly & together). But she is afraid that she is doing this to make us happy. And she'd eventually come to resent us, even though it wasn't us that made her make the decision in the first place.

And you, to avoid "making" her feel bad, semi go along with her wishes (have sex but don't make love), or only do oral or digital sex when you know full well she meant any kind of sex, not just PIV, was "not allowed." And then she yells at you both after the fact, and she's in pain, and it's late, and you two have a big business event the next morning... and you and JR feel you have to bow to her wishes just so everyone can get some sleep. But you don't really agree in your hearts that she has the right to control the sex life you share with JR.

If I were you, I'd step back a bit. I HOPE you haven't moved in with them. Do your business with Angela. If you're going to keep dating JR, let him come to your place... if he's "allowed." If he isn't "allowed," it's on him as a hinge to work things out with Angela..

That's the least you can do.

The most you can do is what GG recommends. Step away from the wonky. These people are not good poly dating prospects. Don't attempt to placate Angela by accepting a key, and discussing handfasting! Yikes! She is doing a push pull. Take a key! Let's be planning handfasting! But you can't fuck or "make love" with "my" man. And I'm gonna have panic attacks and fits every times I feel insecure!

This does not sound like a runner here. Sorry.
The key was mainly for ease of access to my supplies & product on my own with neither Angela or JR need to let me into their apartment. And if I am going to be over for a weekend and have a medieval group meeting, I can let myself in. Angela won't have to feel unsafe leaving the door unlocked for me.

I have told them that I feel a little blindsided by not knowing about their problems & them not being as stable as I originally had thought. I also said I wouldn't have moved so fast if I knew of it. But, I was not going to just up and leave them either.
I said that they need to stabilize their relationship for anything to work. They need to be honest & accepting their own wants & needs as well as their partner's. And explained that I wasn't giving them an ultimatum. More like "now we all know, how can we work to fix it?" They both said that they work on their end.

I have said to Angela that maybe going back on her meds would be good for her well being, but right now the price of the meds is her stopping her. I am hoping since she hasn't been on her meds for a while (she won't tell me & is rationing her last supply) she will have to go see therapist.

I have been trying to look at the bigger picture here with them (yes, trees vs forest ) And I realize that nothing can be a perfect. Only time will tell if this works or not. Either way I am prepared to do my part for my well being.
Valynn (Me)- 46 F bi/poly/divorced
in a new triad with
Angela- 45 F Bi/mono/best friend
JR - 46 M Straight /mono/new to poly/Angela's live-in partner of 6 yrs
M'lord Sir- 56 M Straight/Married/Soft Dom/ Occasional Medieval Play Partner of Valynn's
Dexus- 21 M- son of Valynn. US Navy veteran

Last edited by Valynn; 04-17-2019 at 09:12 PM.
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