Okcupid: Does it work?

Bimale, the new version is much better. You show humor! You show personality! People might actually want to get to know you.

I would leave out the "too much love to be tied to one person" bit, or rephrase it. Something about "Too much love" is reading as desperate to me, though that might be just my perception.

I think the rest is good. You reference some things that someone who messages you can use as a conversation-starter. For example, if I were to message you, I might make a comment about Pinky and the Brain, since I'm familiar with that cartoon and have a friend who often quotes from it. I might say something about confusing cats, since I have cats and there's a Monty Python reference in there. (Not in your profile, but about confusing cats...) I'm a writer, so I might ask you more about your stories. People who aren't writers still might ask about your stories; I get that a lot.
 
I'm out of your age range, but this is now a profile I might respond to if I were looking! :) I like all the same stuff, but I've never heard of the Inheritance Cycle, so I personally would lead with that. Honestly, I am actually going to check it out - probably while eating a big ol' juicy burger this afternoon!
 
Second profile much better than the first!

First profile, my reaction is:

"This guy is overweight, drinks often, and does drugs. He lives with his parents, and loves videogames, and what he says about his eating habits means he's a lot more likely to gain even more weight than trying to change that in any way. Also, since he repeatedly mentions wanting lovers and sex, he's basically a lonely and desperate basement dweller trying to wet his willy. No thank you. And omg, he sees kids in his future?? He had better fix his life before he goes impregnating anybody, damn!"

You came off like a large object just waiting to move into my apartment, clean out my fridge, and hold down my couch playing videogames until I got home from work, at which point I'd have the privilege of sexually servicing your obnoxiously high and drunk ass, assuming you hadn't found anyone else to do so while I was out. Seriously, that's how profile #1 read. No way would I respond to that.

Before you get in any way defensive, in a "you don't know me" sort of feels here, THAT IS WHAT YOU PUT OUT THERE. That is the picture that YOU painted in your first profile. It's not a pleasant one. If it's true, then I would advise you to improve yourself if you want a good life and a good relationship (or multiple good relationships.) Get sober, get a job, get your own place, and tend to your health. Because seriously, one doesn't deserve love just because one is alive (for now) and wants it.

Though liking cats does get any man points with me.

My reaction to profile #2:

"PINKY AND THE BRAIN! NARF!! Cooolll...."

Based on the info provided in profile #2, I would respond and talk to you. But if I later found out the rest of the things that red-flagged before, you would not get anywhere near me.

I don't need a rich man any more than most women, but I'm not looking to take on an overgrown child either. I take care of myself and I would expect my partner(s) to do so as well. Most women feel this way, more or less. I'm being very blunt, I am not bullshitting you here. You have the power to fix these things. It's your job, as an adult human being, to do so.

EDIT: A really important point to make sure I express to you, is that all of ^this^....it's not judgments against your person, it's judgments against your BEHAVIOR. Which is completely in your power to alter, though it might take time and patience. You, the human being, can be deserving of anything under the sun...if you're willing to put the effort into earning it. The world doesn't reward anyone for sitting around declaring themselves to be nice, or whatever...the world rewards those who DO things. Productive things of value to society. Not just eating and entertaining yourself (and your cats.)

Best wishes and best of luck, seriously, I am confident that you have it in you to be more than the guy in profile #1.
 
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I am going to ask a question about appropriateness of doing something on here before I do. Nothing like trolling or anything that is obviously, to me, inappropriate. But I am not sure if doing this is appropriate for this site. Grey area type thing. Would it be acceptable if I shared my OKC profile name and ask people to recommended others in my area to it?

I do not want to step out of line on here. I have already gotten a lot of help from all of you. And do not want to upset/offend/turn people away from me on here after all the great things you guys have done for me already,

Be honest. But nice. Duh. :p
 
And I do not mean just for romantic/sexual relationships. Friends, networking, etc. Kinda lonely around me. I do not know any poly folks.
 
Are you on fetlife?

I've seen some poly social groups and discussion groups advertised in Events on there. Maybe there is something in your area?

I know it's a fetish site and all, but not everybody there is into wearing vinyl and getting tied from the ceiling...and there are some poly forum groups there, too.
 
I know it's a fetish site and all, but not everybody there is into wearing vinyl and getting tied from the ceiling...and there are some poly forum groups there, too.

I'm on Fetlife and just barely qualify as kinky, so this is me and there are many others. I'm there for the groups, the many interesting discussions and the community vibe - and yes, the pictures. Fetlife is a great way to meet interesting, intelligent and thoughtful people. Lots of poly folks there. I'd be happy to recommend some groups to you, OP.

BTW, same advice applies to Fetlife profiles as OK Cupid profiles: you want to give a sense of who you are, not necessarily provide a checklist of desires and interests. Those checklists can be fun and informative but the best profiles by far give a sense of what it would be like to hang out with the person. Like anywhere, people are drawn to others who seem relaxed, encouraging, self-assured and fun. There's a profile coaching group there if you need help.
 
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I'm on Fetlife and just barely qualify as kinky, so this is me and there are many others. I'm there for the groups, the many interesting discussions and the community vibe - and yes, the pictures. Fetlife is a great way to meet interesting, intelligent and thoughtful people. Lots of poly folks there. I'd be happy to recommend some groups to you, OP.

BTW, same advice applies to Fetlife profiles as OK Cupid profiles: you want to give a sense of who you are, not necessarily provide a checklist of desires and interests. Those checklists can be fun and informative but the best profiles by far give a sense of what it would be like to hang out with the person. Like anywhere, people are drawn to others who seem relaxed, encouraging, self-assured and fun. There's a profile coaching group there if you need help.

Oh, and just because you are ALLOWED to, does NOT mean that you should post pictures of your junk. Especially if you're hoping to meet potential partners.

Further, while some folks do attempt to use fetlife as a dating site, messaging people they've never met out of nowhere, I don't recommend that either. I suggest using it to find EVENTS where actual people are, and going and meeting with them until they are comfortable with you and vice versa.

It's a good way to find interesting, and sometimes like-minded (poly) people though. Many of the kinksters I know in my local fetish scene are also poly, most of them are cool geeky intellectual types.
 
I've been using fetlife, okcupud and adultfriendfinder.

I've gotten plenty of first dates on Okcupid, just all my awesome matches are long distance, not what I'm really wanting.

Aff costs money, is kinda spammy and more pure sex based.

Fetlife has been great for connecting with kinksyers and the local community. But not the relationship I'm looking for.
 
I use FetLife when I am looking to find play parties and fun activities. OKCupid is definitely more relationship-oriented. For me, anyway.
 
I found Fetlife impossible to navigate if I want to find people in my area. Events and Groups, yes, but individuals, no. When I find a group, there is a huge long list of members but they're from all over the place even when I search for a local group, and I don't have time to sift through it to connect with or meet people.
 
FetLife is intentionally set up so you can't easily find people in your geographic area. The creator(s) of the site did that so it *wouldn't* be used as a dating/hookup site. It's intended to be more like Facebook, only for kinky people. So being able to find local groups and events fits the purpose of the site; being able to find an individual and cold-message them doesn't.

Note that doesn't stop people from using it to find potential sex partners or date-mates, but then again, some people use Facebook that way, or church, or the grocery store. That doesn't mean it's the intention.
 
I am completely head over heals in vanilla love with someone who messaged me out of the blue on Fetlife six months ago and he is equally as taken. He lives 20 minutes away and we otherwise would never have met. So you never know. Every place has a reputation and a focus but again I'll say that all of these places are but opportunities to meet people. When all is said and done, you bring yourself along everywhere you go.
 
You definitely *can* meet people through FetLife. I was only responding to nycyndie's statement that she found Fet hard to navigate in terms of connecting to individual people in her area; it's meant to be hard to navigate for that purpose, but people still manage it.
 
Yes, the search is purposely set up so that a member can't weed the stats on profiles. You can search single user names and see everyone in an area, but that's it. It's meant to be a community for sure and in my experience, it is. I've found the best way to get involved is to participate in the group discussions.
 
Well I've also found that I really prefer the idea of forming relationships out of a real life social network, as opposed to "shopping" the internet for the perfect date and then meeting and getting to know them with the pressure of "Optimally if we both pass the interview this could lead to...??"

I like knowing a bit of background from more than just taking somebody's word for it. You watch their life unfold for a little while, and you know why you would or would not get involved with them.

My quad came from OKC, primarily my connection with Analyst started there, but he also found Fire and thence also Hefe via OKC. Before that, I'd found the Worm King there. I also know tons of people IRL in the fetish scene that I have seen on OKC (there is a lot of overlap.)

But Zen approached me on fetlife, kind of out of the blue but kind of not. He liked what he saw on my profile and he messaged me, but he was in the community and had been to plenty of events. I was newly getting into the community. He offered to meet up with me at a bar social get together thing, and we talked a while. Later we talked online about a party we were both going to, and negotiated a scene online that came to fruition in reality. We still use the fetlife message system to communicate.

I think that fetlife works best if you're prepared to become part of a real life community (for poly, swingers, or especially BDSM) and go out and get to know people...it's a good online interface to talk to people you know face to face, and to arrange to meet up at events, and to know where the parties and activities are going on.

Now if you find the real world outside of your front door to be scary, and you're just hoping to talk one human being at a time (especially women) into meeting with you and hopefully dating or having sex with you...again, more like dating sites...then I don't think fetlife is designed to make that easy.
 
Yeah, the biggest problem I have with FetLife is that I can't always think of things to add to posts in the groups I belong to, so people aren't really seeing that I exist; I have trouble thinking of messages to send if someone catches my interest, so I don't send any; and social anxiety makes going to real-life events rather difficult, as do things like scheduling, distance, and cost. Other than the monthly event my boyfriend hosts, I've been to exactly one munch, and didn't make any lasting connections there, friends or otherwise.

That isn't meant as a whine; it's just a statement that I suck ass at meeting anyone through anything, or at becoming part of any real-life groups of any kind. (Which isn't something I'm happy about, because I'd like a wider social circle and haven't any idea how to create or become part of one.)

Fet is set up as a way to form or join communities, but I'm not good at joining anything, so mostly I just read stuff and occasionally answer group posts if I have something relevant to say. And I do some writing from time to time, some of which actually gets read...

(And as a slightly ranty aside... if one more person on Fet says "Well, you have to get out and meet people, stop whining and just suck it up and go, you'll be fine," I am going to scream... While I can battle the anxiety to some extent, it isn't as simple as "just sucking it up" and often involves me having a full-on panic attack as I'm driving to the event and then standing in a corner not talking to anyone because they all seem to know each other and I don't know any of them and can't think of anything to say beyond "Hi, I'm KC.")
 
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