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  #11  
Old 01-04-2018, 05:33 AM
2muchlove 2muchlove is offline
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Originally Posted by Spork View Post
For what it's worth? I feel very sorry for those women (the ones who expect that) I can only assume they just don't know any better.
I'm one of those women, but please don't feel sorry for me. I've tried the 'better' and had many inventive, attentive lovers but the sorry fact is, I need PIV. That's what it all boils down to for me, the rest is icing on a cake.

However, not all women are the same, clearly and I do agree that it would probably be a good idea to leave the penis out of it and do some other stuff. What about using a toy instead? Dildos don't have to be those fleshy imitation-penis monsters, I have a really nice glass one that only bears a vague resemblance to a penis but is wonderful to use - my husband really enjoys the visual!

Likewise, i echo the sentiment of 'what's wrong with liking camping more than sex?' - indeed! Take the focus off the act altogether, ENJOY your camping and cars! Wait until something or someone comes along that makes you feel excited...or they may not. You do you.
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  #12  
Old 01-05-2018, 08:45 PM
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Maybe you're asexual or demisexual going through an ace period. There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex, unless it really bothers YOU that you don't want it.

The reason I bring this up is you said ED, but later on you said that you aren't even in a head space where you want sex. It might be something to read up on. For years, I thought I was sexually broken in some way, until I discovered demisexuality and asexuality.

Good luck any which way!
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  #13  
Old 01-08-2018, 11:53 AM
septemberrain septemberrain is offline
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Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
Anyway, what's wrong exactly with being more interested in camping than sex?
Relationship at stake!


@FallenAngelina you're right about many ways without the need of penis; I've done a few readings on other site - lesbian doesn't need it!
So that boils down to sex drive - which is psychological problem. I m now practically an Asexual person but I was almost a pan-sexual when I was in my early 20's.

Time for me to look for a qualified psychologist.

regards.
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  #14  
Old 01-08-2018, 03:34 PM
septemberrain septemberrain is offline
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Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves View Post
Maybe you're asexual or demisexual going through an ace period. There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex, unless it really bothers YOU that you don't want it.
No, I don't think I m demisexual.

I m recovering from metabolic related illness rapidly; I m on ketogenic diet in combination with intermittent fasting and fasting. I have lost 18kg in 6 months. Everything is improving except my sex-drive. I spent the Christmas eve night with a girl that's 7/10 and... nothing happen. I m just not into it. Went back to my office and worked till I fell asleep. I just don't want to disappoint anymore girls in the future. That's why I came here to ask if ED and sex-drive are related.

Anyway, thank you everyone for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

regards,
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  #15  
Old 02-04-2018, 01:39 AM
libertinelover libertinelover is offline
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My sex drive has gone up and down over the years (though different reasons to yours no doubt). I have found that when my sex drive is down or non-existent and I avoid sex or thinking about it my interest in sex stays at zero. I have got it back by finding something that sparks my interest, and then building on it by having positive sexual experiences (whether sex or masturbation, fantasy or porn) frequently, and thinking about sex positively often throughout the day. I think it can be a bit like a exercising a muscle - or learning something by repetition.
ED can be physical but I reckon (obviously I'm no expert) sex drive is psychological and I think it's comes down more to your view of sex and past experiences than levels of testosterone.
By all means talk to a psychologist, but maybe it would help if you could find something that sparks your interest. It may need to be something new, like a style of porn you haven't really seen before.
Good luck, and congrats on the weight loss!
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  #16  
Old 02-04-2018, 03:58 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by septemberrain View Post
No, I don't think I'm demisexual.

I'm recovering from metabolic related illness rapidly; I am on ketogenic diet in combination with intermittent fasting. I have lost 18kg in 6 months.
40 pounds!That is fantastic. Pat yourself on the back everyday for that!

Quote:
Everything is improving except my sex-drive. I spent the Christmas eve night with a girl that's 7/10 and... nothing happened. I'm just not into it. Went back to my office and worked till I fell asleep. I just don't want to disappoint anymore girls in the future. That's why I came here to ask if ED and sex-drive are related.
Unrelated, but I find it uncomfortable that you think of women as girls and rate them on the 1-10 scale. (Like Trump does.) Might want to look at that.

If you are on BP meds, that can cause ED. I once dated a guy on those meds who had trouble getting and staying hard, and he talked to his doctor, who agreed it was OK to take a couple days off a week from the meds to be able to get hard. He also took Viagra on those days. Worked for him. YMMV.

I applaud you for seeking a therapist for getting those skeletons in your closet laid to rest. I don't know what they are, but perhaps they are tied in to your obesity and low sex drive. Good luck with that!

And if your wife is ready to cheat or leave you over your serious health problems which may have led to the ED, she's not worth your time. Almost all women (who are into men) have to learn to deal with their aging male partners' changing sex drives and abilities.

One good thing about poly is that if our partner doesn't fulfill us fully in sex, we can seek it elsewhere. But if there isn't some degree of love and commitment and enjoyment of each other also in place, the original relationship may fail. Sometimes relationships run their course.

BTW, I adore mid century design including vintage cars! I think men into restoring cars can be quite sexy.
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  #17  
Old 02-06-2018, 03:04 PM
Arius Arius is offline
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Hello September Rain.

I think it's awesome that you are talking about this openly.

On the one hand, I agree with all the people who say that ED isn't a big deal. That's probably the best attitude to take anyway, since it IS what is happening, and putting more pressure on yourself is not going to help anything. And for sure there's lots of creative fun things to do in bed without a penis.

BUT... I also want to acknowledge that ED can be a really painful, even shameful reality for a lot of men. It can make you feel like less of a man (you're not), it can cut you to the core of who you are. Whatever feelings you are having about this are natural and I think it's okay to frame it as a problem to be solved.

My first thought is: did you suffer any childhood trauma (you don't have to answer that), and do you now endure chronic stress?

Sex drive CAN be a psychological issue, but it's extremely likely there's an underlying physical cause. The reason I asked about trauma and stress is that if your body is in chronic fight or flight mode, that can seriously reduce your sex drive.

This is for a few reasons. One is that when you are stressed, your body shuts down functions that aren't essential for fighting or fleeing (like digestion and reproduction) in order to divert resources to energizing your limbs, focusing your attention, etc. (This may also contribute to not being in the mood for love. It's hard to feel sexy when your body and mind are in stress mode.) If your guts are under-performing due to stress, you might have poor nutrient absorption. Which means that your body has less ingredients to make sex hormones. So you could be starting with a lowered supply due to malabsorption in the gut.

In fact I would say that you almost certainly have a candida albicans problem and a leaky gut. Which means a lot of the foods you are eating may be feeding the candida instead of yourself. The keto diet should help with that, but you might need a more targeted dietary regimen that includes anti-fungals (and/or anti-microbials depending on what is happening in your guts). If you can afford it, I would highly recommend seeing a naturopathic doctor.

Another reason that chronic stress can reduce sex drive is that sex hormones are made up of many of the same ingredients as stress hormones. Your body will steal sex-drive ingredients (mainly derived from meat) to make cortisol, ie. So whatever your body IS deriving from your food gets diverted to making stress hormones instead of sex hormones.

Your body has been wonderfully designed by natural selection to prioritize survival over reproduction. (And outside the context of civilization, nobody ever had to deal with long-term, chronic stressors that never go away like jobs and traffic noise and the constant threat that someone could take your home and food away if the capitalist system - which doesn't care about you - randomly decides that this is the most economically efficient choice.) So the end result of chronic stress can be a chronically reduced sex drive.

Fix the stress, to the degree you are able. Get out into nature more. That's the environment our bodies evolved in, and it makes us feel happy and calm to be there instead of in the unnatural, stress-provoking cities so many of us now inhabit.

What is your sleep like?

Humans are diurnal animals, meaning we are supposed to get tired and go to sleep once the sun goes down, and wake up when it rises. Our bodies are naturally sync'd to this rhythm, and that includes hormone production. If you are awake when you should be asleep, your body will produce less of what you need, including precursors for sex hormones.

ED is usually a blood-flow problem. Positions can help, but generally the blood-flow problem is a heart issue. Which is why I was very glad to hear you've gone keto. That should clear up the heart condition eventually.

I have many friends who have gone keto. Every single one of them has had mind-blowing positive results - so stick with it! It might feel worse for a while as your body releases all the toxins that it has been storing up over the years, but it gets better and easier as time goes on.

I've been eating a basically Paleo (similar to keto) diet for 3 years and I love it. The first six weeks are the hardest, in my experience. I stopped getting food cravings completely after about six months.

Diet is probably not enough, though. Exercise (gotta get that heart rate up for 30 minutes 3x a week) is critical. Good sleep habits. And a daily meditation or yoga practice to help your body and mind learn to deal with stress more effectively. Meditation feels useless for the first several months that you do it, but then the rewards start pouring in.

Good luck! I think you're on the right track.

A
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  #18  
Old 02-07-2018, 11:10 AM
exy32 exy32 is offline
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I think they go together...
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  #19  
Old 02-13-2018, 03:13 PM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
Of course, PIV feels great, but the tremendous emotion It saddens me that most of our focus is on efforts to chemically alter the natural life course of a penis instead of on encouraging people to expand their view of what sexual communion can be.
I'd like to hear more about this, in more detail, from you F.A. (the underlined, highlighted part). I remember once hearing a man speak who had lost the capacity to have an erection (I think it was a YouTube video or maybe a TED Talk.) To his astonishment, he eventually discovered that it was no really big loss. He said his sexual / erotic life had improved tremendously since that occurred. I remember being impressed by what he was saying. But I'm still not entirely clear what he was getting at.

I'm big on cuddling. But I usually don't think of cuddling as "sexual," per se. It surely doesn't require an erection. Hmm....
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  #20  
Old 02-14-2018, 12:04 AM
septemberrain septemberrain is offline
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@magdlyn
My apology to all, i didn't mean to offend anyone. Even though she is an escort, no reason and rude to rate her also.
I m typing this on my old samsung J5, my computer and ipad was stolen but caught the thieves and it take some time for the legal process to get my things back.
I m also seeing a psychiatrist, many new things I discover about myself and how it tie to sexuality and self-esteem. I will share some related issue to this topic later when I get my stuffs back.

Cheers

Last edited by septemberrain; 02-14-2018 at 12:10 AM.
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