Bisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual...is it all semantics?

Thank you everyone so much for all your responses. i appreciate every one.

My clarification is that I have had the opportunities to date other BI ppl. And Strait, and gay ect. I want to be in a poly relationship that will work but I am confused as to what the best way to go about it. I am a professional and really don't believe that can get something for nothing in this life. It is work to build and maintain relationships and the people in them. Poly just adds an additional dynamic. I want to think just how to focus my attentions and what are the possibilities. It is OK for you if you just sit back and let it happen, hey that can be really fun. But for me I don't see it working out like that.

This week I will be going out with a bunch of poly's in a form of getting to know you session. It is the social interactions that have me all a-tizzy and I want to know just what type of people that would be a "BAD" idea. I have seen strait men do some pretty amazing things, in a bad way, when their lovers are in poly and bi. Same goes for women. But their has to be some things to look out for that would be practical.
 
I am so sorry, but I still don't understand what kind of suggestions you are seeking. Your clarification still isn't very clear, I'm afraid.

You want to know whether to date bi or straight people?

You want to know how to discern who is a good match and who isn't out of a local group of polyfolk?
 
Thank you everyone so much for all your responses. i appreciate every one.

My clarification is that I have had the opportunities to date other BI ppl. And Strait, and gay ect. I want to be in a poly relationship that will work but I am confused as to what the best way to go about it. I am a professional and really don't believe that can get something for nothing in this life. It is work to build and maintain relationships and the people in them. Poly just adds an additional dynamic. I want to think just how to focus my attentions and what are the possibilities. It is OK for you if you just sit back and let it happen, hey that can be really fun. But for me I don't see it working out like that.

This week I will be going out with a bunch of poly's in a form of getting to know you session. It is the social interactions that have me all a-tizzy and I want to know just what type of people that would be a "BAD" idea. I have seen strait men do some pretty amazing things, in a bad way, when their lovers are in poly and bi. Same goes for women. But their has to be some things to look out for that would be practical.

I am sorry to have to tell you that there are no answers to these questions. Aside from the fact that your sentences do make sense because they follow the rules of English grammar (subject, verb, predicate, etc.), the premise(s) of your question(s) do not make sense. You seem to be operating with some sort of axiom that all bisexual people can be expected to handle their relationships based on some common principles derived from being bisexual, and are searching for a cause-and-effect relationship between that and polyamory. This is fundamentally flawed in more ways that i can begin to explain.

You seem to be asking what are some "bad things" to watch out for in people in general, and what, if any, "bad things" are common in bisexual people specifically, and how these "bad things" can find their expression in relationships with a non-monogamous dynamic factored in. I find it perplexing why you would expect a bunch of strangers on the internet to be able to predict "bad" qualities in a group of people you haven't even met yet, based on whether they are bisexual or not. You have to meet people, get to know them, listen to what they say, how their actions align with what they say, and how they treat others during good times and during times of crisis before you can make an assessment about what type of person they are.

To be honest - I'm already starting to suspect that i wouldn't like you if i ever had the chance to get to know you in person. I am also bisexual, but that is not really relevant.

I hope that was useful to you.
 
Sexual preference has no bearing on personality and suitability as a partner. The only thing bi guys are any better at than straight guys is being attracted to men. People are ass holes, or they're not ass holes. Simple as that. Stay away from the ass holes. Define ass hole as broadly as you need to.

If you still can't tell whether someone is an ass hole or not, then figure that out before you start dating anyone, either poly or mono; straight, gay, or bi.
 
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Bisexual: Not a Choice

While coming out to certain people, in person, about being bisexual, I have encountered a response I did not expect. Two people (both women) suggested that I may change my mind about wanting to be with a man after I try it. The words "it's not a choice" sprang to mind - though I did not say anything. I never thought I would use that phrase with regards to my sexual orientation. That was always something gay and lesbian people said. But bisexual? Well, guess what: Apparently bisexual people can encounter the same attitude as homosexual people.

To suggest that I may change my mind is absurd. It is as absurd as someone saying I will change my mind about being attracted to women. I have been consciously aware of my desire to love men for a long time, but I always felt ashamed, thanks to Western culture upbringing. So, I pushed it away whenever the thoughts came to the surface. Then, earlier this year, I started to meditate.

Through my meditations of the past 5 months, I have learned that love is everywhere, and it is the most important thing in all the universe. Love is not restricted to this or that, him or her, them or us. Love is for everyone to experience with everyone else. You do not have to be sexually attracted to someone; there are many versions of love. But it is all love.

I love women. I always have. I also love men. And I always have, even though I ignored it for a long time. Meditation made me realize it was perfectly normal (the universe does not discriminate), and that I should embrace romantic love with both. I did not recently decide to experiment and see what happens. I recently decided to no longer hide my true feelings and to share them with the world.

When I think of being in love with a man, it goes beyond sexual desires. The thought of living, playing, laughing, loving, and exploring life with a man excites and delights me as much as when I think of doing these things with my wife...or another woman. I am not looking to experiment with male sex. I am looking for a life partner - both male and female - to walk the path with me on this journey of exploration.

So don't tell me I might change my mind just because I am talking about me (a man) being in love with another man. That is ridiculous. I can no more change my mind about wanting a boyfriend than I can change my mind about wanting a girlfriend. Religion is choice. Diet is a choice. Even sex is a choice. Which gender I wish to love and romance is not a choice. And I wish to love and romance both.
 
you may choose not to engage in sexual activities with a man but that doesn't mean you have a choice who you're attracted to.
 
While coming out to certain people, in person, about being bisexual, I have encountered a response I did not expect. Two people (both women) suggested that I may change my mind about wanting to be with a man after I try it. The words "it's not a choice" sprang to mind - though I did not say anything. I never thought I would use that phrase with regards to my sexual orientation. That was always something gay and lesbian people said. But bisexual? Well, guess what: Apparently bisexual people can encounter the same attitude as homosexual people.

Qouarin, I'm sorry they said that. That was pretty rude and invalidating. No one is better equipped to know how you feel than you do.

Occasionally, bisexual people even hear that from their gay and lesbian friends. I had some really painful coming out conversations with a couple of lesbian women I looked up to, who said things like "I would never date a bi woman. They aren't trustworthy" or "I can cope with being dumped for another woman; I can't cope with being dumped for a man."

That stung. I wasn't asking them to date me or be attracted to me. I was asking them to know me and acknowledge who I am.

I am mono, so my experience of attraction is somewhat different from yours. But my experience does accord with yours insofar as I don't decide what attractions to have.
 
Thank you for your kind words, Garriguette. :)
 
Nature loves it's Bellcurves....

normalcurve.jpg


I think you were dealing more with Ignorance.... being Bisexual you already know you like women, and still like men.
 
My wife I bisexual while I am hard core hetero. :) My wife prefers sex with a man but rather live with a woman. My wife has actively participated in well over a thousand threesomes over our 43 year marriage but has never had sex with just a women without me present. She needs me to be part of the sex or she says that she does not enjoy it with women.

However, my wife prefers the company of a woman and lets me know all the time, that if I die before her, she is done with men and wants to live with a woman. Her relationship and sexual needs for each gender are different. As it has been said, being bisexual is not just putting your hands down someone's pants and being fine with whatever you find there. :)

My wife is very complicated and has never told anyone but our steady g/f that she is bi. She loves feminine looking women only. She enjoys sex with females and orgasms easily with her g/f but she LOVES sex with both me and her g/f the most. Yet she rather hang out with her g/f and talk to her than me. I am the MAN and good for husbandly duties and sex. Her feelings towards women are much different. She loves me a lot and has proven it many times but she also needs a female in her life to feel complete.

Heck, last year I asked her if she thought of herself as bisexual and she told me that she never thought about it. Despite living with another women for almost 38 years, my wife never thought of being bisexual until I asked her. She said that since she has sex with women, that makes her bisexual by definition but she does not consider the sex of a person, just the person. They can be of either sex for her to be attracted to them. She said that it all she knows and has no idea how it feels to only be attracted to one sex.

It is not like many people think. Which end of the male/female line you are closest too depends on what aspect of a relationship you are talking about. It is not as simple as liking both sexes equally.
 
I am not sure if I have always been bisexual from an early age but definitely when I (and other girls around me) started developing our figure and breasts, pretty much around puberty, I started to notice girls in a whole new light. It confused me because I had never really thought about whether it was accepted or not. When I came out to my mother when I was 14 she told me it's a normal reaction and most girls go through something like that as they develop sexually. She told me that some women grow out of it and some don't and that she was one of those women who did, but she told me she would love me all the same if I had even decided to become a lesbian.

To this day at age 26 I still identify as bisexual and I don't think it will ever change. Ever since the day I came out to my mom I have felt like my attraction to both guys and girls is natural and nothing to be ashamed of, which is what brings me to this lifestyle, where I can get all of my needs fulfilled rather than just half of them. Everyone deserves complete happiness, no matter what their sexual identity.
 
Your mom sounds awesome, Moostache. :)
 
I'm going to try and bring this thread out of hibernation.

I just read this:

Bi Men Are Not Considered Attractive, New Study Says
https://bisexual.org/bi-men-are-not-considered-attractive-new-study-says/

… and it made me a bit sad.

What I know for certain is that bisexuality (in men and women both) is far more common than most folks realize. I know this because I've had opportunity, a million times, to know about the inner lives of people which they don't (or haven't) disclosed to anyone, or hardly anyone. Bisexuality is mostly hidden and underground... and for good reason! People are scared of coming out even just a little bit -- even today, with the much more open atmosphere which we're experiencing lately. And for good reason. We still have a long way to go toward understanding and acceptance.

It's partly a generational thing, of course. The younger generation in some places in Europe, the USA, Australia, Asia... is coming to accept LGBT folks more than ever. Still, the older among us tend to keep our lips tight around such things, especially if it involves some kind of "coming out". Closets are still very common residences.

Anyway, I'm sad. :(
 
I'm going to try and bring this thread out of hibernation.

I just read this:

Bi Men Are Not Considered Attractive, New Study Says
https://bisexual.org/bi-men-are-not-considered-attractive-new-study-says/

… and it made me a bit sad.

What I know for certain is that bisexuality (in men and women both) is far more common than most folks realize. I know this because I've had opportunity, a million times, to know about the inner lives of people which they don't (or haven't) disclosed to anyone, or hardly anyone. Bisexuality is mostly hidden and underground... and for good reason! People are scared of coming out even just a little bit -- even today, with the much more open atmosphere which we're experiencing lately. And for good reason. We still have a long way to go toward understanding and acceptance.

It's partly a generational thing, of course. The younger generation in some places in Europe, the USA, Australia, Asia... is coming to accept LGBT folks more than ever. Still, the older among us tend to keep our lips tight around such things, especially if it involves some kind of "coming out". Closets are still very common residences.

Anyway, I'm sad. :(

I agree it is generational. Most women in my dating age group want nothing to do with bisexual men. Bisexual women are way more accepted.

I answered an ad on a fetish personals website. I received a one line response. "I'm not interested in bisexual men." Weird, considering I wasn't advertising as bisexual. Then I realized it was because I had listed couples as a possible interest. MFM threesomes where both men are straight are not uncommon, but she jumped to a conclusion.

Women who are below my age range seem to think het men are evil...lol
 
I suspect that women who are grossed out by gay and bi men, like straight men who are similarly grossed out, simply don't know that women are like men in far more ways than they are different.

Yes. I said that. Far more alike to men than they are different. You know, two legs, two arms, two eyes, two nostrils, ten toes, elbows, … one tongue, teeth in the right number, lips, arm pits, pee and poop... and the list can go on all day and well into tomorrow and the next week.

But then there is also -- very importantly -- this:

https://www.britannica.com/science/clitoris


A clitoris is a "female homologue of a male penis".

When a man makes love with another man he's doing something … simply extremely similar to making love with a woman.

Deal with it, people. It's not like we're all from another species here, folks.
 
I wanted to share my perspective as I identify as bisexual (though it's a bit more complicated than that :D). I will say when I first started dating women 20+ years ago, bisexual wasn't a common term so although I had dated men, gay women would not even entertain the idea of a date with me if I referred to myself as bi, so I stopped doing it. They had become accustomed to straight women who played with gay women for sex only and didn't want a relationship so the term bisexual had a negative connotation. I always felt we should be open to any love in the universe, whatever form it came in. As a side note, I have dated trans as well so I do practice what I preach. ;)

Fast forward to now (I'm 45 for reference) and I'm primarily interested in dating men. I do not put bisexual on my dating profiles. I'm not ashamed of the love that I've shared with former partners but it invites all kinds of scenarios I'm not open to, the most common being sex with couples. I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone's S.O./wife, with or without the guy there. I still get approached by couples even without the bisexual label! Also, I'm finding once men learn that I have been with women, some even become intimidated that I'll have higher expectations of their oral skills. :eek: LOL

One of the things that came up time and time again in discussions with gay women is the concern that someone bisexual opens up the cheating pool times 2 if you will, that a bi woman could end up leaving a gay woman for another woman or a man. Ugh! I never liked that argument because a person can leave another person for a multitude of reasons, not just their sexual orientation. I bring this up here because it's possible that straight women have some of the same unfounded concerns about bisexual men. I read the article but I can't speak to there being a lack of physical attractiveness towards bisexual men because I think you're either going to be attracted to someone or you're not; I can't tell what labels you choose by looking at you. :)


I'm going to try and bring this thread out of hibernation.

I just read this:

Bi Men Are Not Considered Attractive, New Study Says
https://bisexual.org/bi-men-are-not-considered-attractive-new-study-says/

… and it made me a bit sad.

What I know for certain is that bisexuality (in men and women both) is far more common than most folks realize. I know this because I've had opportunity, a million times, to know about the inner lives of people which they don't (or haven't) disclosed to anyone, or hardly anyone. Bisexuality is mostly hidden and underground... and for good reason! People are scared of coming out even just a little bit -- even today, with the much more open atmosphere which we're experiencing lately. And for good reason. We still have a long way to go toward understanding and acceptance.

It's partly a generational thing, of course. The younger generation in some places in Europe, the USA, Australia, Asia... is coming to accept LGBT folks more than ever. Still, the older among us tend to keep our lips tight around such things, especially if it involves some kind of "coming out". Closets are still very common residences.

Anyway, I'm sad. :(

I agree it is generational. Most women in my dating age group want nothing to do with bisexual men. Bisexual women are way more accepted.

I answered an ad on a fetish personals website. I received a one line response. "I'm not interested in bisexual men." Weird, considering I wasn't advertising as bisexual. Then I realized it was because I had listed couples as a possible interest. MFM threesomes where both men are straight are not uncommon, but she jumped to a conclusion.

Women who are below my age range seem to think het men are evil...lol
 
…. I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone's S.O./wife, with or without the guy there....

Thanks for sharing, LB.

When I read the part which I quoted, above, I was a little confused. I'm sure I've read a bunch of your posts, but I haven't been in this forum much lately and can't say I really know your story. The machine says you have 480 posts, and my thought was "Is she polyamorous? How's that possible?" -- because of what I quoted above. Hmm.... I guess I'll have to find some of your posts and figure this mystery out.
 
No need to go on a hunt, River. I'll answer you here. :) I am open to polyamory. Do you feel that me being bisexual means I should want to sleep with couples? I'm open to dating/having relationships with one or more persons, though I am not interested in dating women (yes, I have in the past). Does that clear things up at all? I hope I've understood your question.

Thanks for sharing, LB.

When I read the part which I quoted, above, I was a little confused. I'm sure I've read a bunch of your posts, but I haven't been in this forum much lately and can't say I really know your story. The machine says you have 480 posts, and my thought was "Is she polyamorous? How's that possible?" -- because of what I quoted above. Hmm.... I guess I'll have to find some of your posts and figure this mystery out.
 
Do you feel that me being bisexual means I should want to sleep with couples?

No. Not at all. I was confused when you said "I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone's S.O./wife, with or without the guy there" 'cause that's not something you'd see often in a polyamory forum.

I'm still in my gradual morning wakeup routine, so my mind is slower than normal. It took me a moment to realize a person can have a poly way of life and only date folks who don't have S.O.s. So it's possible!

Then I saw that almost all of your posts are in the games in Fireplace. And then I found this: www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112988

… which I am reading now. While drinking tea -- with caffeine.
 
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Oh! LOL Perhaps I have worded something wrong. I am open to dating men who have a significant other, or who may be single, doesn't matter to me. I am not interested in having sex with a husband and wife together as I am not interested in dating/sexing women. Does that make sense?

Yes, many of my posts are in the Fireplace. I like words. :eek:


No. Not at all. I was confused when you said "I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone's S.O./wife, with or without the guy there" 'cause that's not something you'd see often in a polyamory forum.

I'm still in my gradual morning wakeup routine, so my mind is slower than normal. It took me a moment to realize a person can have a poly way of life and only date folks who don't have S.O.s. So it's possible!

Then I saw that almost all of your posts are in the games in Fireplace. And then I found this: www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112988

… which I am reading now. While drinking tea -- with caffeine.
 
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