PolyinPractice
New member
I noticed quite a few people, most susceptibly newbies to poly, who feel that being poly (usually in context of having a secure relationship and a new one), means "having your cake and eating it, too."
Now, I may be alone here, but I don't believe I am at all.
"Having your cake and eating it," as I understand it, means wanting to have it both ways. You can't complain about being out of shape, but never exercise. You can't say you hate your spouse traveling, but then insist he take jobs that make him travel.
So, in context of poly, might mean a relationship where you wanted to date others, but then prevented your partner from dating anyone (this does happen, not saying it happens to everyone, or if your partner chooses not to have other partners or to be mono, that makes you a bad person). In other words, wanting to be both mono and poly at the same time. That might happen within a poly relationship, but I don't believe it's necessarily a "poly" problem (an example of such, to me, would be reassuring a partner that you love them just as much as ever, while falling in love with another as well).
Simply engaging in multiple relationships doesn't really have anything to do with wanting it both ways. Or perhaps I'm wrong?
Now, I may be alone here, but I don't believe I am at all.
"Having your cake and eating it," as I understand it, means wanting to have it both ways. You can't complain about being out of shape, but never exercise. You can't say you hate your spouse traveling, but then insist he take jobs that make him travel.
So, in context of poly, might mean a relationship where you wanted to date others, but then prevented your partner from dating anyone (this does happen, not saying it happens to everyone, or if your partner chooses not to have other partners or to be mono, that makes you a bad person). In other words, wanting to be both mono and poly at the same time. That might happen within a poly relationship, but I don't believe it's necessarily a "poly" problem (an example of such, to me, would be reassuring a partner that you love them just as much as ever, while falling in love with another as well).
Simply engaging in multiple relationships doesn't really have anything to do with wanting it both ways. Or perhaps I'm wrong?