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  #941  
Old 04-02-2015, 07:44 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sometimes your spouse helps out when you most need it, eh?
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  #942  
Old 05-14-2015, 09:21 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Good morning. Just a check-in. I am in between nursing, so this will be brief.

I was safely delivered of a baby girl. I really thought we would have another boy. I went into labour on the day of my baby shower. I woke up in the early hours of the morning, and I was in a wet spot. I immediately knew it amniotic fluid and not urine. I was advised to head to the hospital so that the fluid could be tested. Lo and behold, it was amniotic fluid. There was a tiny hole causing a leak, and since I was within days of my EDD, I was admitted. My OB and Perinatologist were about to prep me for a Caesarean, and I refused. Do not argue with a woman who is having contractions. One will always lose. They agreed to let me have a natural birth on the condition that two Neonatologists had to be present in case an emergency Caesarean had to be performed. I wanted a natural birth. No epidural or any pain management outside of hypnotherapy and natural pain relief like a birthing ball. Matt was by my side the whole time. I was about to give up when I was pushing, and she was not coming out. He whispered something in my ear, and it gave me the strength to do it. I caught my baby, and I held her against my heart. I have never cried so much in my life. I delivered naturally and had no complications like foetal distress, tearing, haemorrhaging, or uterine rupture. All blessings considering all of the above were possible.

I keep looking at her and thinking, "What if I had not changed?" If I had not changed, I would not have her in my life, and I would not have peace in the purest form. I cannot think about where I was because I know that I cannot go back. Nothing before I changed can ever remotely compare to the love I feel for my baby. While I cherish the good years I had with Kensi, I laugh at the thought of ever going back to any semblance of what my life was.

I kiss my baby's little feet, and my heart swells when she smiles. I look in her eyes, and I believe with all of my heart that everything will be okay. There is no way in the world I would ever give up being a hands on mummy to four amazing children to ever get back the poly side of my life that I walked away from two years ago.

Crazy as it sounds...I enjoy only working until 3:30 PM every day. I have structure. I enjoy knowing that if I want to, I can walk away for my job for 52 weeks of paid maternity leave and spend the entire year raising my baby. I enjoy waking up next to the same person and not having to schedule sex or romantic windows. I enjoy watching us grow together. I love the way he looks at me. He looks at me with love as opposed to mere tolerance and almost sadness. I enjoy waking up and hearing my babies laughing. I enjoy being there in the middle of the night to comfort them if they have nightmares. I enjoy the most mundane of tasks like changing nappies and bath time. I rejected the idea of hiring a night nurse. I enjoy the bonding that nursing provides. I can feed my own child. I do not care if it is 1 in the morning or 1 in the middle of the day. I enjoy being present and engaged with my family. 90% of the time, I do not know where my phone is, and I could not care where it is when I am at home. I look forward to every day because I appreciate every moment, and I am thankful for every experience I get to have. I almost lost everything, and the thought of even losing any element of it is something I cannot bear. I love where I am. I will continue to acknowledge where I came from, but going back? I am not remotely interested.

Sleepless nights, countless nappies, nursing every hour, 2 AM feedings, and all. I am wonderful. I hope you are all doing well!



My little lady bug.
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  #943  
Old 05-14-2015, 11:03 PM
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Congratulations on your newborn! She's a beauty.
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  #944  
Old 05-15-2015, 03:38 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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A lovely birth story. Congratulations on the wonderful addition to the family.
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  #945  
Old 05-15-2015, 02:32 PM
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Oh holy Asherah and Hathor, you had a natural birth! And nursing full time! Fuck polyamory (at least for now), you've got babies to raise! Congrats!
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  #946  
Old 05-15-2015, 04:45 PM
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Congrats!! So happy for you, Matt, and the family!
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Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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  #947  
Old 09-03-2015, 10:48 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Hello, hello, hello!

I have not been on my blog in almost four months. First and foremost, thank you all for the congratulations. The bub is doing well and getting bigger every day. I am still exclusively breastfeeding. I am pro-extended breastfeeding, so if nursing extends until she is 2-3, so be it. Mothering an infant has been far more daunting than I remember. Admittedly, I was detached and almost disinterested in our son. Though not formally diagnosed, I firmly believe that I was suffering with PND. I have kept a handle on my emotions and monitoring this time around. I am vocal about when I am having highs and lows. I am not ashamed to seek help this time. If I struggle, I know that I am not a failure of a mummy or some godawful person. I do have wobbly days. I do have days where I am more emotional than others. All in all, I feel pretty good. I have a tonne of help in the form of superb support and loving friends/family.

Mothering an infant has been a learning curve. I have found a rhythm, and I am just taking it day by day. This will be my normal until I return to work in 2016. I made the tough decision to slow down and breathe. I want to be present and available for my baby's first full year of life. I have my husband's support. Initially, I was prepared to return after the standard 18 weeks of parental leave. After much consideration, this was the best decision. I am now a stay-at-home mummy, and I am devoting my time to philanthropic causes and being a mummy. Strangely, I do not feel empty and like I have lost myself. I am not allowing myself to be idle and certainly not letting someone else do all the work.

I might update later with more, but I have a million things to do. A simple trip becomes a checklist of things! I miss you all, and I hope your lives are going well!


xRy
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Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
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  #948  
Old 09-12-2015, 12:25 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Good to hear from you again. It sounds like you are busy but overall happy.
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anger management, bisexual female, blame, break-ups, breaking up, changing loyalties, children, co-parenting, competition, coupledom, demanding partners, divorce, forgiveness, from poly to mono, healing, making excuses, married and polyamorous, poly co-parenting, poly to mono, primary/secondary, therapy, triad fallout, trust, vee dynamics, vee vs. triad

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