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Old 11-01-2010, 06:37 AM
fullofdumplins fullofdumplins is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8
Default Communication Advice

I must start off, first of all, that I'm not in a poly relationship but have been reading these poly forums for quite some time. I'm in an open relationship and have been reading these forums for advice and extra knowledge on how to better maintain an alternative relationship with my s/o regarding communication and jealousy issues. I'm pretty sure that I am poly but do not want to pursue it at this point in time.

One of the reasons is due to communication issues with my s/o; we have been dating for almost 7 years and started to seriously pursue an alternative relationship for the last 13 months. A problem that I've experienced is that my s/o cannot be completely honest with me and we're trying to find the source of the issue. Wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them?

For example; we decided to be quite open with our intentions and talk to each other about everything (from who we've talked to, what we talked about, who we've been with.. etc) but he hides the odd thing from me because he says that he fears repercussions, even though we have stated that as long as we follows our guidelines that we created and that we communicate there are no repercussions. The things that he doesn't communicate aren't big things but still little things that matter to me. I don't believe that his intentions are malicious.

A part of me thinks it's because he might have a guilt complex; even though he knows it's consented and the idea excites him, that he is worried that he may hurt me emotionally (this is a new relationship concept for the both of us but I have transitioned easier than he has). Another part of me feels that he might really enjoy the idea of keeping a secret, hence hiding smaller details. We've talked a lot about this issue and has talked to a few friends who have pursued a poly relationship for insight. One suggested that he write an action plan and write it on paper but he gets stumped as to the "why", therefore cannot find a resolution until he does.

Has this happened to yourself or to your s/o where there is an unexplained communication barrier? How have you resolved these issues and continued to ensure an open and guilt free communication? I realize that an open relationship and a poly relationship are fairly different with different ideals but I feel that poly couples have it right when it comes to communication (hence why I've been creeping these forums for the last year). As much as I would like to eventually pursue a poly relationship, I want to ensure that we are able to fully communicate openly prior to doing so.

Any thoughts and insight would be greatly appreciated!

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