A question:

A "pro" is someone who gets paid for it and does that for a career.

A "con" is like someone who takes your money under false pretenses.



A "mono-pro" is someone who marries a rich person for their money.

A "poly-con" is when a bunch of poly people go to a hotel or to the woods and talk about what it's like to be poly.
 
That is a subjective question what is a pro to one person may be a con to someone else.
 
totally subjective. Different people have different perspectives and those will color their responses.

What I find to be pro of poly-I have poly friends who find the same things to be cons.

:confused:
 
For me, a definite perk of being poly over being mono is that it increases your chances of enjoying adult company in your free time. I'm not saying that's why one should be poly, but it's a definite perk. Disadvantages, hmm, I can't think of one that would be true for everyone and aren't the product of imperfect poly, shall we say. One thing I've thought about is that of my contraception failed, and I got pregnant, I'd have no idea who the dad was. That scares me.
 
They have these things called "paternity tests" where you compare the blood type and/or DNA of your kid and you and all the guys you fucked during that ovulation cycle, and it will tell you which one got you knocked up.

This not-knowing-who-the-babby-daddy-is can happen to monogamous people too, by the way. :)
 
They have these things called "paternity tests" where you compare the blood type and/or DNA of your kid and you and all the guys you fucked during that ovulation cycle, and it will tell you which one got you knocked up.

This not-knowing-who-the-babby-daddy-is can happen to monogamous people too, by the way. :)

A paternity test can only take place a significant way through the pregnancy and the procedure also causes risks to the pregnancy. Who the father is might be instrumental in my decision to continue the pregnancy and ideally, I'd like their input. I'm nice like that, see. If I got pregnant now, I'd have to wait until at least 16/40 before I could determine who the father was, more like 20/40, and then I'd have to endure them injecting a drug into the fetus to stop it's heart beating and then the ordeal of the fetus being expelled from my vagina after going through what is pretty much labour. The thought of that is not appealing. If I was going to terminate a pregnancy, I'd prefer to do it as early as possible (preferable before 9/40) so I could minimise the amount of medical intervention I have.

This wouldn't have happened to me when I had monogamous relationships because I either slept with nobody, or one person at a time. Definitely, one person per ovulation cycle anyway.
 
Maybe you should consider being sterilised London? Or put off being non-monogamous until after menopause? Or maybe only sleep with men you don't mind blending genes with?
Since accidental pregnancy by the 'right' person is so important to you?

I know single parenthood isn't for everyone but if your only criteria for continuing a pregnancy is 'which man did the deed' you might end up making some pretty big mistakes.
 
Maybe you should consider being sterilised London? Or put off being non-monogamous until after menopause? Or maybe only sleep with men you don't mind blending genes with?
Since accidental pregnancy by the 'right' person is so important to you?

I know single parenthood isn't for everyone but if your only criteria for continuing a pregnancy is 'which man did the deed' you might end up making some pretty big mistakes.
I have a child. I am a single parent. I'm also one of the seemingly rare females who would take the guys point of view into consideration when deciding whether to continue a pregnancy or not. Generally, my basis for assessing who would be a good Co parent has little to do with the prognosis of our romantic relationship, it's about whether I think we could successfully Co parent a child.

I also said who the father is "might be instrumental". It wouldn't be a good time for me to have a baby now, it wouldn't be the end of the world but it wouldn't be great. If I knew the guy definitely didn't ever want kids, that would make it more unlikely that I would continue the pregnancy.

I hope all women wishing to have children want to conceive with the "right" person. Who'd want to conceive with the wrong person?


I use both hormonal and barrier contraception so the chances of me getting pregnant are slim. I also wouldn't fluid bond with anyone that I know I would hate to have a baby with, or definitely didn't want children but was still able to.
 
Ah, ok, well personally I don't care whether I get a co-parent or not, in fact it has caused me more grief than just being left alone. In my cultural background not having a father involved is not such a horror so that informs my choices also.

But again, that is me. I have different priorities and prospectives single parenting an infant, I couldn't imagine having the time (or the inclination) to sleep with lots of people, I couldn't imagine having such an apathetic attitude towards STIs either, since the buck stops with me so my health is a priority.

Wouldn't it just be better not to sleep with someone who never wants kids? Why don't they get fixed if they don't?
 
As I said,i wouldn't fluid bond with someone who doesn't want kids and I'm far from apathetic about stds. I just take a different view of it. Instead of thinking that getting one would be the worst thing in the world, I just try and get anything I can contract diagnosed as quickly as possible. That means frequent testing. Because I do slut around a bit, I test a bit more regularly than recommended. The majority of people I sleep with are also promiscuous, so a test three months ago means nothing to me. Unless it's within the last month it's pretty much irrelevant. Sex with a condom will minimise any risk.

Not having a father isn't the end of the world at all but having more people around to love you and stuff is very desirable. Fathers usually come with a family that will love their child too. I'll do my best to make sure any child I give birth to has that opportunity.
 
I agree with Natja on this one.

Maybe you should consider some sort of contraceptive as well as condoms with the men you are sleeping with?

My husband had a vasectomy some years ago so we did not have to worry about it until recently when he was with his gf for the first time. Now we are back to using condoms for the sake of STD's.

Also, I have only been with my bf for 3 months and he is fertile. We use condoms religiously and I have an appointment next week to get birth control (considering an IUD) because I don't want any more kids. This doesn't mean we will stop using condoms either. We will use both for STD protection as well as avoiding pregnancy.

Yes, getting the decent condoms (that don't feel like a plastic bag) are expensive, but I have always felt if you can't afford condoms you REALLY can't afford a kid.

The mentality of keeping a child based on who the father is, is a dangerous one. Take every feasible precaution.
 
:mad:
I use both hormonal and barrier contraception so the chances of me getting pregnant are slim. I also wouldn't fluid bond with anyone that I know I would hate to have a baby with, or definitely didn't want children but was still able to.

^^ firstly.

Secondly, as I've said more than once, the paternity would be an influencing factor rather than a decisive one.

The people I meet tend to share my risk assessment in regards to stds. Regular tests, condoms with randoms and casuals unless you've shared results. They expect the same from the people they sleep with and/or fluid bond with and to protect myself from any consequences of having an undiagnosed sti, I get tested frequently.
 
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I have a pill kid. A nuva ring pregnancy.

November I found myself pregnant after a tubal ligation. It was a tubal pregnancy that almost killed me. I had my tubes tied 6 years prior with no problems.

My point is even permanent birth control fails. As my doctor says the human body can do some crazy things to heal.
 
And again, the paternity of a child would be an influencing factor rather than a decisive one.
 
Hm. I think pros:
i dont have to lie about being in love with more than one person, which I already was.
I have more help and support when navigating school, work, kids, medical issues etc.
More help with household chores. Lol

Cons: communication
Dealing with assholes who think that hecause we are poly we are automatically available
 
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