Hello everyone!
I am reaching out to this wonderful, supportive and amazing community in hopes I can share my experiences and hear others' experiences with narcissism and emotional abuse by a primary partner.
I have been in a relationship for several years with my partner, Red. It was my first introduction into polyamory. Red and his partner Blue had an open relationship, and we all hit off and quickly evolved into a triad.
Several years later that triad has dissolved but we all live together.
It wasn't until recently (with the help of an amazing therapist and the few friends I haven't been isolated from) that I started to realize his narcissistic abuse patterns and behaviors.
Some examples are:
-Whenever I would try to meet potential partners, I would need to barter and negotiate these freedoms while he was allowed to do whatever he wants because he has a "higher" sex drive
-He keeps tally of my mistakes and refuses to forgive, and brings them up during any time
-Guilting and shame if I say no to sex
-Saying things like "you are my soulmate" or "my connection has never been stronger with anyone else" -- he is married, and these statements are not appropriate. Their purpose is triangulation (in my opinion)
-Going through my phone and private messages, and dictating what I am and am not allowed to say about our relationship to my closest friends.
-Yelling and screaming at me when I ask him to stop
-Telling me I don't prioritize him or make time for him (when we spend every evening together, and I have no personal time)
-Fighting and pushing my boundaries
Those are a handful of the less appalling behaviors; others are too extreme to share in a public forum.
You may ask why I'm in this relationship. The truth is I normalized and rationalized this behavior for a long time because I thought that it was normal. I was playing by his "poly rules" without having any context for poly concepts or arrangements.
So! Today I'm reaching out to see if anyone has any similar stories they are willing to share, especially about escaping and going No Contact. I live with this person and am planning to flee, but it will be several months before I am able to move out.
I'm open to discussing in the forum and in private messages!
I am reaching out to this wonderful, supportive and amazing community in hopes I can share my experiences and hear others' experiences with narcissism and emotional abuse by a primary partner.
I have been in a relationship for several years with my partner, Red. It was my first introduction into polyamory. Red and his partner Blue had an open relationship, and we all hit off and quickly evolved into a triad.
Several years later that triad has dissolved but we all live together.
It wasn't until recently (with the help of an amazing therapist and the few friends I haven't been isolated from) that I started to realize his narcissistic abuse patterns and behaviors.
Some examples are:
-Whenever I would try to meet potential partners, I would need to barter and negotiate these freedoms while he was allowed to do whatever he wants because he has a "higher" sex drive
-He keeps tally of my mistakes and refuses to forgive, and brings them up during any time
-Guilting and shame if I say no to sex
-Saying things like "you are my soulmate" or "my connection has never been stronger with anyone else" -- he is married, and these statements are not appropriate. Their purpose is triangulation (in my opinion)
-Going through my phone and private messages, and dictating what I am and am not allowed to say about our relationship to my closest friends.
-Yelling and screaming at me when I ask him to stop
-Telling me I don't prioritize him or make time for him (when we spend every evening together, and I have no personal time)
-Fighting and pushing my boundaries
Those are a handful of the less appalling behaviors; others are too extreme to share in a public forum.
You may ask why I'm in this relationship. The truth is I normalized and rationalized this behavior for a long time because I thought that it was normal. I was playing by his "poly rules" without having any context for poly concepts or arrangements.
So! Today I'm reaching out to see if anyone has any similar stories they are willing to share, especially about escaping and going No Contact. I live with this person and am planning to flee, but it will be several months before I am able to move out.
I'm open to discussing in the forum and in private messages!
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