I've been married for 22 years too, and have some experiences with polyamory that didn't cause any of these problems.
In fact, it was first my wife that fell in love with a younger guy some two years ago. I accepted that as long as it didn't affect me. This has developed into a little more than a friendship, and I've also become kind of friends with him. Thus, she handled this perfectly well, and it was all fine by me even if it might not have been ethical according to the typical rules. She talked a lot about him which kind of bothered my sometimes, but it was still ok.
Then since about a year ago I've been in love with a much younger girl. I didn't let this affect our relationship either, but I felt I couldn't tell her about it since she is kind of jealous. If anything, this has made me a lot happier, which has affected our relationship in a positive direction. Now I can also kind of handle when she talks about her guy by just thinking of my love.
I don't think it is fair to say that this and that need is not met by my partner, so I need to find somebody else. If you have been married for 22 years you have an obligation to talk about and sort out these things rather than looking for somebody else. I'm sure that none of us did any of this because our needs were not fulfilled. At least I did it because I wanted another connection, not because I needed something.
In fact, it was first my wife that fell in love with a younger guy some two years ago. I accepted that as long as it didn't affect me. This has developed into a little more than a friendship, and I've also become kind of friends with him. Thus, she handled this perfectly well, and it was all fine by me even if it might not have been ethical according to the typical rules. She talked a lot about him which kind of bothered my sometimes, but it was still ok.
Then since about a year ago I've been in love with a much younger girl. I didn't let this affect our relationship either, but I felt I couldn't tell her about it since she is kind of jealous. If anything, this has made me a lot happier, which has affected our relationship in a positive direction. Now I can also kind of handle when she talks about her guy by just thinking of my love.
I don't think it is fair to say that this and that need is not met by my partner, so I need to find somebody else. If you have been married for 22 years you have an obligation to talk about and sort out these things rather than looking for somebody else. I'm sure that none of us did any of this because our needs were not fulfilled. At least I did it because I wanted another connection, not because I needed something.