Arrowbound
New member
I wanna say I'm surprised your wife initiated something physical with Ahmed after all this but I'm not. She denied you the ability to masturbate and looking at other women. Your self-esteem is not on the up-and-up.
Non-traditional according to which tradition? It's really important to keep in mind that your traditions are not necessarily his. Thinking that everyone in the world thinks like you do is a very common American mistake.I'm curious that Ahmed fell in love with your wife (your words) knowing that she was married. This suggests to me that he is willing to consider non-traditional roles. What does he want out of this and do you feel comfortable being one of the people (as a part of a couple) who will be providing it?
There is a whopping assumption in this. What makes you think that having grown up where he did he has the ability to honestly discuss things like this with people other than family? Remember, we are talking about a place where a gynecologist may not look directly at his patient and must use reflection in a mirror. Heck, tons of people in more open societies can't have that kind of talk with anyone...Look, I don't think it's fair to generalise about Ahmed based off of his youth and culture. You need to talk with the guy about what he is looking for. I feel people on here are jumping the gun a bit assuming that Ahmed will feel one way or the other. Well, you really can't know until you talk to the man how he feels or doesn't feel, or for that matter what his underlying assumptions are about all of this.
This.I also recommend figuring out what it is you personally are comfortable with in all of this, rather than assuming you have to be OK with whatever your wife wants. It's okay to have boundaries so that the two of you can work through feelings.
And this.And no, I simply don't believe it is too late to have these conversations with your wife and Ahmed.
Non-traditional according to which tradition? It's really important to keep in mind that your traditions are not necessarily his. Thinking that everyone in the world thinks like you do is a very common American mistake.[\QUOTE].
Who knows maybe having sexual relationships with married women in Saudi Arabia is normal... But, ugh, unless I'm very much mistaken that is a huge taboo, as I seem to remember reading stories about women being stoned to death or publicly lashed for cheating on their husbands. (Not that the men involved are ever charged!) So yeah, I'm pretty sure polyandry isn't traditional in Saudi Arabia....
As for whether or not Ahmed is able to talk about what he wants, we'll At 19 there's no way I had that kind of presence of mind. But without at least trying to encourage his wife to discuss expectations with Ahmed, I don't see how these three are going to be able to in any way be fair to one another.
Unless this is just a one-off sexual fling, in which case, we'll, much ado about nothing and hope that blows over quickly and with as few complications as possible....
I think the board needs more info on this guy.
This guy is a student here at the school I am a grad student at. He's a freshman. He is a gamer with an extremely good grasp on internet english (In other words, he knows how to herp a derp). He isn't a very good muslim at all (his words) and doesn't pray 5 times a day or believe some of the core tenets of his religion. He still won't eat non-halel meat but that is usually the last thing to go with jews or muslims. I'm an atheist and if I sat him down for 2 hours I could probably (I wouldn't IRL) get him to renounce his religion (in other words, he's on the edge and he really likes our culture here... in fact he wants to stay in the USA).
I fear that he won't care in the end because of this. My wife says that she won't let him do it in a passion situation and I trust her for that. I gotta say that this whole situation has helped us grow a lot as a couple.
Back to the point... I don't really see him as an extremist or a predator. I see him as a confused boy who is probably making a mistake. He says to me that he knows he is being illogical but he can't help feeling attracted to her. He knows it is not in his best interest yet he advances.
*** Also, why in the world does this site log you off if you spend a couple minutes typing a post? Very annoying.
UPDATE from OP:
Guys (and gals), I gotta say this community rocks. After some time to think and knowing of your responses she indeed did reach a new understanding. She now accepts pornography, masturbation, or outside flirting on my part as long as it is not hidden. I still don't really want to partake in those activities right away because frankly I don't have the time lol.
My question now is have any of you dealt with a virgin in a poly-situation and what can I/we possibly do about it? Are these even valid fears? What would you do?
*nods* I second that notion.I asked this in another thread, and I gotta ask here too:
WHY this guy? WHY him?
No one, according to this post I've quoted, is going to benefit from him even being around short-term. Not him. Not you. Not your wife. Frankly all of this sounds horrible. ALL of it. The rational decision is right under your nose yet you insist on future planning and possibilities.
The stove? It's hot. And you're turning up the heat to put your hand in the fire.
None of this makes sense. Apparently no one is considering his best interests here. Y'all need to leave him the hell alone and let him go live life around people who care about his well-being. This stinks of premeditated manipulation.
I think I need to let this thread die and resurrect it a few months down the line so you guys can see what happened. I'd especially like to thank and annabelmore and Nycindie. You both offered critical but constructive feedback and helped me through this process. I don't think this horse needs to be beaten in public
Oh yeah; one cool thing about polyamory is when she broke up with him I got to keep all his video games and stuff that he left over at our place. Boo ya!
Really? I can never keep things left behind by people with whom my interactions turned sour. Too much negative energy every time I see the stuff. The games aren't worth thinking of him every time you play them. Sell them and make some cash instead!. . . one cool thing about polyamory is when she broke up with him I got to keep all his video games and stuff that he left over at our place. Boo ya!