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Old 06-26-2010, 03:52 AM
all1legs all1legs is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 5
Question Success stories?

Hi all,

So I've been reading a lot of stories on here from people who are entering (or just entertaining the idea of) polyamorous relationships, often from a place of fear/anxiety/difficulty.

I was thinking it might be helpful for all of us who are new to this and filled with questioning to hear from some of those who have successfully navigated their way from a monogamous (or nearly monogamous) relationship into a polyamorous lifestyle. How exactly did you make that journey at the very beginning? What were the steps you took starting off?

I'm sure all of us would love to hear your inspiring stories!!

xoxo all_legs
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Old 06-26-2010, 02:22 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

have you looked in the life stories section. There are a few success stories in there
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Old 06-26-2010, 08:22 PM
rubyfish rubyfish is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 53

Honestly, for me, once I accepted that I was poly, and told my husband, everything else has been incredibly easy. It took him a couple of months to process his emotions, and then I started looking to date. Within a month, I had been a couple of dates and met someone special. We've been together for six months with virtually no problems, other than there is never enough time, but I think that's an okay problem to have.

In terms of how I started, I told my husband that I was poly, that I was driving myself crazy trying to fit into a monogamous life and a monogamous relationship and that I hoped he accepted me for who I was. His first step was to accept me for what I was, and that I wasn't going to change. Then he decided that he'd rather love me and have me and have me be happy than force me to be miserable or have me leave him. And it has worked nearly flawlessly since then.

I still haven't told my parents or my brother, but I intend on doing so relatively soon.
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Old 06-26-2010, 09:20 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 135

This is a lovely story! How fine to hear about a man who can transition to compersion so (relatively) easily and who obviously loves you. Congrats!

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Old 06-26-2010, 10:23 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 833

I went from a very bad monogamous relationship with an extremelly jeaous husband to a very LD poly relationship with a man and three women to a local poly relationship with a man who occasionally has other partners. He currently doesn't have anyone else but I do.

I am most definitely happier now. I don't have to worry about him throwing a temper tantrum because I'm spending time with others. In fact he encourages me to go out with friends, to find friends, to spend time with people other than him.

I'm usually the one who complains from lack of time, lol.
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Old 06-27-2010, 04:39 AM
SayYes SayYes is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 45

I don't know what the appropriate point is to consider something a success story, but I was monogamously married for over 7 years (and together for a total of 13 years) before we opened things up, and I've now been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and everyone is doing just fine.

Honestly, the transition has been pretty smooth. I think we're still in a period of adjustment, which I sometimes I have to remind myself of, because I feel so incredibly comfortable with both the men in my life. But everyone is committed to making it work, and while I won't say there have no been no minor bumps along the way in my marriage, it's nothing compared to what we were going through when we were trying to make monogamy work. The whole process, really, has been a positive experience rather than a trying one.
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:53 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,766

I was married to a man for 30 yrs. Mono for 22. (I am bi/pansexual.) We opened our marriage but it was not successful. My h didnt seem able to please me while seeing another woman, but now I know it was their NRE that got in the way. Long story. He and I broke up 2 yrs ago, for various reasons.

In Jan 09 I started dating (ok cupid) and met a wonderful poly woman almost right away. We've been together ever since. Deep love soon followed our first meeting. I have also dated many men in the past 18 mos and we've had very little jealousy issues. We are completely open with our feelings and pretty good at explaining our boundaries and expectations, etc. We trust each other to date and have relationships with good people, we don't have a big to-do about meeting potential other partners first or anything. No veto power.

My main problem w meeting poly men is finding someone capable of a mature committed relationship. I've got a stable of boytoys for friendly rather casual sex... one guy I've known almost as long as I've known my gf. They are fun, funny, and horny, open-minded and creative in bed. But I've met several older "poly" men who are married or partnered and somehow the wives always get jealous despite their supposed open relationships. Or the guy doesn't get how to be really open when communicating, acts devious, or leads me on in one way or another.

But hey. I've got Great Love w my gf, lots of laughs and sex with the 20somethings. I feel very lucky. I'll keep searching for Mr Right, just in case he's really out there.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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begining, stories, success, transition

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