Proven facts are more important.
AlwaysGrowing,
You're welcome to give me head pointers if you wish. You'll feel more comfortable after I clarify some miss-understandings:
We can't live without judging things. The problem is when we take conclusions too fast and do very wrong judgements, based on our own life experience for example. I don't do that because I see the world as a scientist. That means I don't rely on pure logic, no matter how appealing it is. I try to rely only on proven facts, or at least theories that don't show any contradiction with the proven facts. And the fact is that my wife's well being, trust and behavior have improved greatly. Cam's social behavior has also improved greatly. She is really unbuttoning.
AlwaysGrowing,
You're welcome to give me head pointers if you wish. You'll feel more comfortable after I clarify some miss-understandings:
- I never cheated. When I met Cam, my wife had left home, was living apart and we were not even talking by phone. In past, I would be patient, try to cool down, forgive her aggressiveness, try to help with encouraging words, not judge, and wait for things to turn around, focusing on feeling empathy for her. However, my vast experience has proven that such approach perpetuates the drama, allowing her disorder to push her into even more abusive behavior and speech, which could last for whatever time I was able to endure, even 6 months. Hence, I did exactly what she told me to do, to "forget" her (but not forget to pay bills though). Yet as soon as she started to regain control of her moods and ability to talk to me without deeply disrespecting me, I begun accepting her back and Cam just dimmed away naturally so she wouldn't interfere.
- It isn't true that I have a hidden purpose. My wife knows well that I'd love a poly relationship, but also that that would only be possible with her consent. And I had already admitted to my wife that I do have some level of physical attraction to Cam, even before my first post here. I told that to my wife as soon as I begun noticing I was having erections sometimes, when playing some jokes with Cam. Though when my wife states that my goal is just to have sex with Cam, I deny it, because I have a much deeper and beautiful purpose, in which sex really becomes something minor and unimportant.
- There is no forced situation. That would never work out. Every time we met Cam is was after my wife invited her, and was very surprised. The push limits thing I did was about minor and innocent things, such as pulling Cam by her arm when she was walking to the wrong direction, or asking to hug both of them while watching a film. Also, when it becomes too late I usually ask my wife to invite Cam to spend the night in our home and leave next day morning. My wife had shown she was uncomfortable with that, but first time that happened, next day we had such an incredible day together in a park that I thought it a worthy experience, but as it became more frequent it just made my wife's insecurity grow. She is unsure if I will always resist going there into Cam's bed. Now I think we need to talk more about that before it can happen again.
- I'm not a moral compass, but very good principles. Depending on the criteria, my wife's ethical behavior may even be slightly more "pure" than mine. She does extreme things, but later she regrets them. And I am always 100% forthright with Cam. I told her I loved someone else since I met her first time. And that is exactly what made her become comfortable enough to date me. Afraid of falling in love with anyone, she was too shy to think about anything too "serious" and preferred something closer to a friend with benefits.
We can't live without judging things. The problem is when we take conclusions too fast and do very wrong judgements, based on our own life experience for example. I don't do that because I see the world as a scientist. That means I don't rely on pure logic, no matter how appealing it is. I try to rely only on proven facts, or at least theories that don't show any contradiction with the proven facts. And the fact is that my wife's well being, trust and behavior have improved greatly. Cam's social behavior has also improved greatly. She is really unbuttoning.