Littleduckidoo
New member
It is kind of a long story and I am looking for advice, i think. My long term partner came out to me as poly 6 months into our serious relationship. He is my first serious relationship and I love him very much, we have been together for over a year now. I have always been okay with poly people, i even had a kind of poly fling in high school. But I felt kind of...cheated? That isnt the best word but Idk how else to describe it. I came into the relationship understanding it to be mono and that is what I wanted. Unfortunately we discussed his polyamory but eventually it kind of got dropped, I was upset because I love him of course and we were long diatance and I knew I wouldnt be able to handle a poly relationship while long distance. I missed him enough as it was and I couldn't stand the idea of sharing him with another person. The idea of someone getting to be with him all the time when I only get to see him for one or two days every two or three months. We both decided it was best to wait for any form of expiramentation with polyamory. Moving forward, I moved in with him a little before our anniversary and everything had been going well. After a little while I decided we could at least TRY being a bit more open. Starting with role playing with people online. We had set rules such as no exchanging pictures, we were allowed to read each others messeges, and it stayed on the one app, among other rules. All was well until I found out he was sending pictures to someone, blurring the lines of reality in their rp, and he was hiding it on another app. I had planned on opening up the relationship a bit more and allowing him to send pictures and recieve them if he wanted to. I also found someone who wanted to role play with both of us. But after finding this I was hurt. He had broken simple rules while I was putting myself out there to try to incorperate his relationship desires into my own. Afterwards I allowed him to keep that rp buddy if he promised to stop burring the lines of reality and sending pictures. They had becone friends and I didnt want to control him like that. But later I found that they had sent videos to eachother and I said I wanted him to stop talking to her since he had onve again pushed the limits I had been trying to expand. After talking to me, she asked me to remove her from his contacts, she didn't know I existed and felt terrible, she was very sweet and the whole situation made me feel terrible because I believe she cared for him. Anyways, it has been awhile and despite us almost breaking up over everything we are doing well. We went back to basics and worked on rebuilding our relationship (call me crazy but I really do love him) we are doing well and there are no signs of him pushing any peramiters that I have put up. We are currently strictly mono. But I have been thinking and I know what it is like to love two people at once. I do right now. Ive loved this girl from highschool for three years and despite her having a bf and being my best friend, I do love her. She knows, and while she is curious, she and her bf are mono and I respect their relationship. But I still love her, and I deffinately love him. So despite being demisexual...I have fallen in love with two people. So I can kind of understand how he feels...kind of. He and the girl from high school...we will call her Katie and him Matt get along really well and I could honestly see being in a poly relationship with them if she weren't in a mono relationship with someone else. But the idea of anyone else worries me. I dont have feelings for anyone else and I would hate to start something poly as a trial and then tell him I cant handle it and ask him to leave the other person. That isnt fair. And worse he could just decide to leave me for said other person. I think the only kinds of poly relationship I could handle (I have spent a lot of time thinking about this) is swinging with another couple, nothing serious (which might be fun sexually but Im not really like that, I have to have a romantic bond as well) so like...romantic and sexual swinging? And a serious third that gets introduced slowly but eventually becomes just as equal of a partner as either of us. I know I would need a slow transition if this were to work, which would require another experianced, and patient poly person. What do you guys think? I know I need to discuss it with him, but what are your thoughts and suggestions? Should I just leave it be? I mean, I dont want to ignore his relationship preferance, but it already bit me in the ass once, ya know? How can I get rid of this trained ideology of monogamy? My Kik is chechirewolf, please feel free to messege me there, I hope I will be able to respond and discuss here, but I dont really know this cite very well. Thank you for reading and any advice you might have
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